Posted by Her Bad Mother on November 6, 2009 3:13 pm • Being Bad, bad mother • 45 comments
Ask Me About My Beaver
So we’ve been trying to get Jasper to attach himself to a lovey. Emilia offered the use of hers, but – noting the fact that Toady is, essentially, a giant plush phallus – my husband suggested, in the interest of not setting Jasper up for future discouragement, that she perhaps keep Toady to herself. Instead, we tried bears, penguins, squeaky giraffes, musical clowns, vibrating sheep, and a beaver.
He liked the beaver.
We realized our mistake too late.
Toady.
Beaver.
Sure, Toady is – in form if not in name – pretty literal, whereas Beaver is – in form and name – entirely figurative, but still. The genital general problem, I think, stands: my daughter’s comfort object is an eight-inch long plush phallic whatever, and my son’s is a big furry beaver.
Remind me to think these things through more thoroughly next time, okay?
(The beaver, I’ll have you know, has not proven enough of a distraction to allow my head any respite from its nightly violations.)
(There are just so many things wrong with the preceding sentence.)
(Shoot me now.)
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Amanda Beals Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:25 pm
Bloody hysterical! Where do people purchase such plush toys as evinced in the first photo?
Amanda
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Toady was a gift. He was actually, originally, the base for a plush stacking ring toy. The rings (all little stuffie animals) disappeared in about the first 6 months of Emilia’s life, leaving only Toady. He has been her constant companion, FOREVER.
Hell going through airport security with him.
Saisquoi Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:25 pm
My daughter has a beaver lovie too. He rides in the car and my asking, “Do you want Beaver, oh, we LOVE Beaver…” has elicted many strange looks from passers-by when we leave daycare, the grocery store, etc.
Saisquoi´s last blog ..Sweet Pea for my Sweet Pea
Her Bad Mother Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I once had to go through airport security with Toady. It prompted some questions.
MrsDesperate Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:30 pm
Hahaha. Nice beaver -and toady!
Janet Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:30 pm
That beaver looks feral, dude. Feral.
In high school, my friend was wearing a Roots sweatshirt. A boy she liked (who is now her husband) looked at her and said, “I like your beaver!”
She never wore that sweatshirt again.
Janet´s last blog ..No Words
Her Bad Mother Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I would murder to get one of those old Roots shirts. MURDER.
TheKitchenWitch Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
Just stumbled upon you via Shauna Glenn. This post completely cracked me up! Your daughter is seriously attached to the fuzzy phallic thingy?
And your boy is showing his true colors–already interested in beavers!
TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Food Phobias: Yeasty Beastys
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Has been since infancy: http://herbadmother.com/2007/05/bad-toyz-bad-toyz-whatcha-gonna-do/
Maya Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:40 pm
Hahahaha this made me laugh so hard! What *is* Toady? A plush toadstool???
Maya´s last blog ..A Point of Pride
Her Bad Mother Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 3:22 pm
We think of him as a toadstool. He’s the base of a plush stacking ring toy.
Michelle Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
Hysterical!
Michelle´s last blog ..♥Fill in Friday
mimi Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 4:01 pm
Remember, my daughter snuggles cotton diapers. We get some looks.
mimi´s last blog ..The Great Flu Scare of Aught-Nine
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I have mentioned this on many an occasion to my husband, who thinks that Toady is the worst possible comfort object, ever. Cotton diapers, I tell him, are not much better.
Andrea Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 4:08 pm
Reminds me of friends who had a dog named Jack. When they got their second dog they couldn’t decide what to name her until they realized, duh, her name should be Jill. So, if your daughter has a phallic toady lovie then, duh, your son gets a furry beaver lovie.
Too funny.
Rick Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 4:12 pm
Oh my…this post is killing me
badness jones Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 5:08 pm
I’m sorry…but that’s hilarious. And I don’t know if it will work with Jasper, but my son Sam didn’t wean until he was 25 months, and even after that he always wanted to touch my breasts to fall asleep, and I’ve managed to gradually have him touch my stomach instead, and now we’re working on having him touch my arm….I’m hoping I’ll be able to sleep in my own room again by the time he starts high school….
Good luck!
badness jones´s last blog ..Ugh.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 7th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
laughing out loud – so I should be grateful he only wants my hair? and the beaver?
Jodee Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 5:16 pm
Ok sorry I just can’t help but laugh!
Jodee´s last blog ..Shoes….. Wordless Wednesday..
Mandi Bone Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 6:24 pm
My daughter lovely is a nightie that I had before I had kids. So we get a lot of looks.I am glad your head got a break.
Mom2Trplts Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 6:29 pm
Oh, this has me in hysterics! I went back to the original post. Kermit never knew what potential he had! And I thought my stepdaughter’s toilet bowl brush friend was bad. Took it everywhere – highly embarrassing, but Toady? Can’t you make it some clothes?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Putting clothes on Toady just makes him look uncircumcised.
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
laughing my ass of here, hoping I don’t pee my pants!
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..La, La, La….Linoleum!
daisy Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 7:41 pm
Oh my god – I was laughing so hard my eyes, teared up and my nose ran and I started sneezing AND coughing! That is sooooo funny! Good luck on the lovey transition.
My two cents: buy more beavers if possible, so you have them everywhere he needs them. My youngest ended up with 9 of her loveys, 2 were always somewhere nearby and clean. It was great!
Also, even if you don’t intend to go all CIO, read the first two chapters of the classic Ferber book (Solve your child’s sleep problems) because he does a great job of explaining how we all sleep. And Knowledge Is Half The Battle!
thank you for writing!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Ha – MORE beavers? So that he can always get his hands on some beaver?
kittenpie Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 7:51 pm
Still, on the whole, not only is he getting the idea that beavers ARE naturally furry unless their owner chooses otherwise yadda yadda porn culture blah blah patriarchy mwah mwah sexist repression… but also? You’ve got to admit it’s better than a vibrating sheep. Especially since you live not far from the country.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
You, my friend, win for best comment, ever.
Laughed so hard I hurt my back.
Amanda @ Mad Mom Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 7:51 pm
OMG, my son has a “Toady!” It’s that center stacker for the big stuffed rings! He always tackles it and hugs it… Wonder if it’s a precursor to a man’s love with his “toady?”
Great post
Amanda @ Mad Mom´s last blog ..Rubber Pants and Always Pads
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Is yours the Pottery Barn version? Toady is. That’s exactly what he is.
LMAO. I’ve never known of another Toady before now
Reesie Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 8:59 pm
ow! pain from laughing sooooo hard.
Reesie Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 9:04 pm
ow! pain from laughing sooooo hard.
Does it have to be representative of something else?
We had really good luck with comfort silkie blankies. The are small (no dragging), washable and replaceable. In the literature they provide, they suggest having it between you and the baby while you nurse or they drink their bottle it picks up your scent. I realize it is a little late for that, but perhaps you could rub it in your hair??????
OMG Good luck and thanks for the belly laugh.
Emma Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 9:09 pm
We also own the beaver, rescued from As Is at Ikea, for about $2, worth every penny for the laugh.
But the phallus? Well I guess we have enough of the real ones, so there aren’t any stuffed ones around.
At least you can laugh through the tears
Lisa Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 9:45 pm
That is hilarious. You made me laugh so hard, thanks I needed that.
Lisa´s last blog ..Party Preparations
Lynn @ Walking With Scissors Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 10:54 pm
My son carried around a bottle of artificial tears from the time he was one until he was almost three. Any time he lost it, there were cries of, “My eye drops! My eye drops!” I thought it was weird, but at least it wasn’t a penis shaped bottle. Just sayin’.
Lynn @ Walking With Scissors´s last blog ..A Vision Fulfilled
Her Bad Mother Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 3:24 pm
If there was such a thing as eye drops that came in a penis-shaped bottle I would totally buy them.
Christel Said,
November 7, 2009 @ 3:01 am
we have the same beaver for our son. bought as a joke at ikea one day so his dad could make lame beaver jokes (wanna stroke my beaver?). our son loves beaver (that’s his name too) and is wierdly attached to it. no stuffed phalli yet.
Pepper Said,
November 7, 2009 @ 3:41 am
All I have to say is it could be worse. It could be the other way around your daughter could love beaver and your son toady. Then you would get some really bad looks. LOL
Ginger Said,
November 7, 2009 @ 12:45 pm
Hmmm, my sister speaks of the enigma of public hair, as she writes a paper for grad school, which puts me in mind of beavers of various states of furriness. We’ve had some laughs over enigmas such as these, but I’ve not thought so much about phalluses (phalli?) with fur right up to the tip, as I will today.
Wow.
Ginger´s last blog ..Haiku Friday: time, the dirty rotten scoundrel
Her Bad Mother Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 3:24 pm
BEST COMMENT EVER.
Ginger Said,
November 7, 2009 @ 12:45 pm
Hmmm, my sister speaks of the enigma of public hair, as she writes a paper for grad school, which puts me in mind of beavers of various states of furriness. We’ve had some laughs over enigmas such as these, but I’ve not thought so much about phalluses (phalli?) with fur right up to the tip, as I will today.
Wow.
Ginger´s last blog ..Haiku Friday: time, the dirty rotten scoundrel
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
This comment made me laugh so hard that I might have – might have – wet myself.
Scott Said,
November 8, 2009 @ 4:04 pm
ka-BLAM!
(Consider yourself shot.)
(You’re welcome!)
(Cue miscellaneous comments re: “Golly, Ward, you were awful hard on the Beav last night, weren’t you?”
Scott´s last blog ..Attack of the Consumerist Zombies!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
‘hard on the Beav’
GROOOOOAAAAN.
Brian O'Mara-Croft, Author, Lost in the Hive Said,
November 10, 2009 @ 9:22 am
Our kids had a stuffed skunk that, when squeezed, said something that sounded suspiciously like, “F**k a skunk?”
Brian O’Mara-Croft, Author, Lost in the Hive´s last blog ..Holy Fellatio, Batgal!
6512 and growing Said,
November 12, 2009 @ 5:00 pm
Sounds like you have instant material for laughter in your house, always a plus in a mother’s life.
My son has been sleeping with a 4-point elk antler lately. Every morning I wake a little worried that he’ll have impaled himself.
6512 and growing´s last blog ..Squirrel for dinner