What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)

January 14, 2010

Emilia is in love.

“Mommy, can I make a present for Josh? Because I love him.”

– “You LOVE Josh?”

“Yes. But it’s not love like getting-married love. And it’s not kissing-love. It’s FRIEND-love.”

– “Oh, good. Wait… what do you know about kissing?”

“That it makes your cheeks go red.”

OY.

“But I don’t kiss Josh.”

Phew.

“You only kiss the person that you find who is your one special person and that’s the only person you kiss and then you get married. I’m not going to marry Josh.”

Phew-phew-phew.

“But I love him anyway. Can I give him a present?”

She’s filled a gift bag, left over from Christmas, with cast-off bits of her artwork and stray stickers and ribbons and buttons and various what-nots that she has gathered and deemed precious. She comes to me with a drawing that she had presented to me as a Christmas gift and asks if she can take it back. “I think that Josh would like it more, Mommy. I can make you another one.”

I say yes – how many such drawings can a mother have, anyway? – and she adds the drawing – which was purportedly of me, but will now, I’m guessing, be explained as a drawing of the Tooth Fairy or the Eyeglasses Queen or some such to forestall any weirdness around giving pictures of one’s mother to the object of one’s affection – to the bag. She then  attaches a used iTunes gift card to the bag with an expanse of red ribbon. “That’s so he’ll he know it’s his,” she says. “Because that’s him.” She points to the dancing, iPodded shadow figure on one side.

“Really?” I ask.

“No,” she says. “I’m just pretending.”

CameraBag_Photo_1002

Emilia and Josh, by Emilia. Emilia is, inexplicably, the one with the long dark pigtails. Josh is the one that looks like a reconstructed Toady. Let’s not analyze that.

“Josh isn’t old enough to know what an iTunes card is, is he?” my husband asks, addressing no-one in particular. “Or will he just think that I-T-U-N-E-S spells ‘I Love You’ and overlook the fact that the purchase code is scratched off?”

Emilia rolls her eyes, and I wonder what it is that I’m more discomfited by: the fact that she is four years old and already rolling her eyes at us, or the fact that she is four years old and in love?

It’s the latter. By a mile, it’s the latter.

First love is adorable, of course. But she’s four. That she’s savvy enough to understand that her affection for Josh is not the same as the affection shared between me and her father is heartening, but still: love. Love is awesome, but it also, inevitably, involves pain, and I am just not ready for that.

That’s right: me. I am not ready for that.

Emilia is already learning that it can hurt to love someone in any capacity. She tells me that there are some days when Josh doesn’t play with her the most, and that sometimes Josh would rather be with the boys than with her. “It makes me nervous, Mommy,” she tells me, “because I want to play with him and I don’t like how it feels when he doesn’t want to play with me.” She tells me this, and my heart goes OOF.

OOF.

I tell her the usual things, give the usual advice – you have lots of friends, sweetie, lots of people to play with, don’t let Josh’s choices hurt you, just worry about having fun and not who’s playing with whom – but I know that it doesn’t make the feelings go away and I know that I shouldn’t want those feelings to go away for her. I know that this is all a part of the terrible, awesome beauty of loving friends and family and whomever else our heart finds itself drawn to. I know that we can’t experience the bliss of love without having some experience of the pain; I know that the joy of being close to a beloved only becomes more clearer when we feel the ache of being apart. I know that we all have to learn that love is both light and dark, I know that we are all immeasurably enriched by learning that love is both light and dark, even in its best incarnations (and I know that the time will come for teaching that too much dark signals an absence of love, but that is another story that I cannot yet even bear to contemplate), but she is four. Four.

She’s still just a baby. She’s my baby, which, yes, she will be forever, but for now she is still very much my wee darling baby girl, and she still needs my care and protection. And I want to protect her heart for as long as I can.

So, Josh: WATCH YOURSELF.

When was your first love? When did your *kids* first fall in “love”? What are you going to do when they do? OH GOD it just gets so much HARDER from here on out, doesn’t it?

(Also, THE GIFT – the iTunes-card-adorned catch-all Grab Bag Of Love that Emilia has put together for Josh – what do I do with that? She really wants to bring it to school for him, to present to him in the schoolyard, and I, every morning, move it discreetly out of view so that she doesn’t remember to ask to bring it, because, I don’t know. Because it just seems risky, a public, gift-enhanced declaration of love? Because the bag is gloriously strange and I don’t know that the strangeness that I think is so awesome will be so appreciated by a four year old boy – and all their classmates? Because I want to protect? Am I right to do this? Or should I just let her let freaky love-flag fly, in all of its wonderfully bizarre glory?)

****

Today is National Delurking Day, which, because I’m Canadian, I hereby declare it International Delurking Day. Comport yourselves accordingly.

****

I’ve been asked whether I might peg any donations I’m making to help efforts in Haiti to the number of comments that I get today. I won’t be doing that, for banal reasons that I’ve explained here. I’ll just be donating as much as I possibly can. You should, too. Canadians might consider the Canadian Red Cross or Unicef Canada or – one of my very favorite charities - Save The Children. Americans, you have lots of options, too, but the Red Cross is a good place to put dollars. And Compassion International (and Compassion Canada) does wonderful work, and has banners and buttons to help promote donating for Haiti. Or, just put your money and/or efforts wherever you think they’ll be put to best use. It’s the helping that matters, not the how.

But you should still comment. Just because it makes everyone feel good ;)



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    { 118 comments }

    Marilyn January 14, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    My first love was in kindergarten. His name was Lyle and I loved him faithfully until Grade 3 when a mini Jack Lord (from Hawaii Five-O) walked into the classroom with the name of Kyle. Lyle for Kyle.

    A little girl in my son’s 3-year-old preschool told her mother that of all the boys in the class she likes my son the best. It seems that for little girls love blooms early.
    .-= Marilyn´s last blog ..What I Want to Be When I Grow Up =-.

    Doc Horton January 14, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    I stop by every day and never comment because I am so very, very shy.
    .-= Doc Horton´s last blog ..OLD SAW, LOON REVISION =-.

    Annika January 14, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Oh dear. I should just lock up my two-week-old girl now, shouldn’t I?
    .-= Annika´s last blog ..OMG OMG OMG =-.

    Jewel January 14, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    What an amazing story! I am 5 months away from my first child & am looking forward to every moment of it, even moments like these when they are learning about pain & happiness. Children are so precious.

    I was 4 or 5 with my first love. Jason from California, my best friend’s brother. On Valentine’s Day I made him a card that said “Jesus loves you & so do I.” Then I moved away & never spoke to him again.
    .-= Jewel´s last blog ..The Opposite of Inspiration =-.

    crazyassmomma January 14, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    oh, i can sooooo relate.

    my youngest is 4 right now. and last year, when she was THREE, she got married.

    yes, i said married.

    she married a little boy at her babysitters. they had a wedding and a kiss and everything.

    they are still “boyfriend and girlfriend” and they still say they are married.

    sometimes they even break up. but they always get back together again.

    its enough to make a mom wanna upchuck. just a little. just because it is waaaaaay way way too soon!
    .-= crazyassmomma´s last blog ..What I Meant to Say Wednesday – Round 2! =-.

    Carrie @ Who Knew? January 14, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    You are so much stronger than me. I would hunt this Josh character down and. . . well I’m not sure but I’d do something. Then I’d watch Beaches, eat Ben & Jerry’s and cry.

    But that’s just me.
    .-= Carrie @ Who Knew?´s last blog ..January 13 =-.

    Her Bad Mother January 14, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    Josh’s mom tells me that Josh also has a crush on emilia, so it’s complicated, his whole hot and cold thing, but yeah. UGH.

    PZ January 14, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    In the spirit of “international” delurking day…from a Canadian in Australia

    Maureen@IslandRoar January 14, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    This is so well put. She sounds adorable!
    My son has always been in love. He’s 22 now, but at 2 and-a-half he ran around the playground after a 4 year old girl, screaming, “wait, stop. But I LOVE you!!”
    She was not impressed.
    .-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..Native Islanders =-.

    Andrea from Big Blue Momma January 14, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    I never thought, at four, this was something that I needed to worried about. My son Logan has not one, but TWO girlfriends at preschool. It’s quite a love triangle, let me tell you. Oh the drama of young love.

    The difference between Logan and Emilia is that Logan doesn’t call them his girlfriends. They are “only friends”. What a typical guy I’m raising.
    .-= Andrea from Big Blue Momma´s last blog ..2010 is not being nice to me… =-.

    Lawyer Mama January 14, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    My (now) 5 year old had his first “girlfriend” last year. Her mom told me she made cards and gifts for him at home all the time. She managed to talk her out of giving them to Hollis by telling her that all the other boys in their class would be sad. LOL! Hollis still blushes whenever we mention her and he still tells everyone she’s his girlfriend. It’s kind of sweet but until it happened, I had NO idea it started this young!
    .-= Lawyer Mama´s last blog ..Pot, Meet Kettle – I Mean Harry Reid =-.

    Her Bad Mother January 14, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    That is EXACTLY what I’ve been doing – trying to convince Emilia to NOT give Josh the present because other kids would be jealous. I feel guilty about it. Should I be letting her give her weird love gifts? Or?

    GAH GAH GAH.

    Kathryn January 14, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    My son, also 4, loves everyone. Everybody in class gets a hug at the end of the day before he leaves, girls and boys alike. It is so damn cute…

    I remember the first time I fell in love. I wasn’t 4…I was old enough to know what my genitalia were for, just barely. And that’s all I’m gonna say about THAT.
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Enchantē =-.

    habanerogal January 14, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    that first love so magical and poignant
    .-= habanerogal´s last blog ..Whore-moan or whore-mouth take your pick =-.

    Heidi January 14, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    If that’s how it is, I still love like a four year old.

    Gwen January 15, 2010 at 1:03 am

    My son (almost 5) was distraught yesterday because he missed Veronica. We hadn’t be gone from the playground more than a minute before he was crying about how he didn’t get to chase her long enough. When we got home he lay down on the floor and cried because he just missed her so much. I don’t think he was impressed when I told him he needed to go to bed for some quiet time and I’d put some nice emo music on for him. I actually put on an audiobook and gave him an hour of quiet time. Once he had a little down time he was fine, but I forsee this happening often.
    .-= Gwen´s last blog ..A Day to De-Lurk =-.

    Eliza January 15, 2010 at 2:06 am

    Aloha –

    My nephew, 11 yrs old in a few weeks, has had ‘girl friends’ and a ‘girlfriend’ starting when he was quite young. Kindergarden? Yup. He’ll blush when he talks about one of them. Quite special, so my brother said of their friendship.

    Semi-lurker coming out to say “a hui hou” – until we meet again.

    Blessings always.
    .-= Eliza´s last blog ..Sun enters Capricorn aka Winter Solstice 2009 =-.

    Lara January 15, 2010 at 2:21 am

    I had a “boyfriend” in preschool. We would hold hands all around the playground. But then we spun too much on the tire swing and I threw up all over both of us and he didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore. :(

    I guess I’m not a full lurker, but I don’t say hi nearly enough. So hi!
    .-= Lara´s last blog ..Pretty Sure That’s a Grading No-No =-.

    Ginger January 15, 2010 at 3:34 am

    My three and a half year old daughter is very much interested in marriage, but has not declared love for any fellow pre-schoolers yet. Yet. But she gets the boys in her class to play mommy-and-daddy-get-married, and she asks me about wedding dresses and says she wants one, and when we play with her Barbies, Barbie (played by me) performs the wedding of the Prince (Ken) and Belle (who stole Barbie’s man and her house, and also got to keep her horse). She has climbed into my bed and asked “Mama, where do you find a husband? Where will I find a husband?” It is all kind of terrifying.
    .-= Ginger´s last blog ..Nuts, I say =-.

    Becca_Masters January 15, 2010 at 11:17 am

    that’s sweet. I can’t wait until I have kids and experience this.

    My first boyfriend was a boy named Michael, we were both 5, and he lived upstairs from me, and we went to the same school. Everyday we played together, and it was awesome, cause he was my boyfriend. Then he moved away. Recently found him (say recently, a few years back) and he’s not anything like i remembered him!
    My next boyfriend was when I was 8. I say boyfriend, I liked him, his name was Ben Wilson. I liked him so much that I kicked him, hard, in the happy sacks, cause that’s apparantly what you were supposed to do when you’re 8…….. I got told off, and he kinda hated me after that.

    My brother started early. he started at 3. his girlfriend was the lady who worked at the video store, her name was angel and she had pretty long blond hair. he let her know she was his girlfriend by running up to her and biting her on the bum. my dad spent ages apologising. i thought it was hilarious.

    kids are adorable :D

    momtrolfreak January 15, 2010 at 11:19 am

    My 3YO son is in love with ME right now, so I’m happy. All of his friends are girls, though, so I’m pretty sure he’s either a ladies’ man or gay (either of which will be fine with me, as long as he doesn’t end up being a ‘playa’ with either gender).

    This “josh” is not to be trusted–he looks like Uncle Fester from the Adamms Family.

    As for me, I don;t remember the first time I was in love, I really don’t. If it was super-young I guess I’ve forgotten. Now I’ve got to go quiz my mom…..
    .-= momtrolfreak´s last blog ..I’m HUGE in Australia* (*"HUGE" = "virtually unknown except for this one cul-de-sac") =-.

    Renee January 15, 2010 at 11:44 am

    My 4 yr old got “married” to a preschool classmate of hers, who she’s just left behind in the Turks and Caicos Islands. When i asked her how she intended to get married when he’s so far away, she promptly said that wasn’t a problem cos she had his phone. (a broken, pink toy that she’d fished out from behind the sofa of our hotel room, n obviously not his)

    i’m in a love-hate relationship w/my situation right now

    paula January 15, 2010 at 11:53 am

    my first love came at age 5 or 6… and lasted trough primary school…
    i was lucky enough to find him 10 years later and fall in love all over again…

    but in the middle, there was heartache and it was completely neccesary to learn how to love again

    sixis January 15, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    She was 3 to his 2 and half. It lasted for 18 months and was the talk of the preschool. He said she was special. She lit up like a Christmas tree when he was around. They sat together, played together. A completely reciprocal relationship. By the end of kindergarten, they moved on. They are now 13 and 12 and half. Neither one seems worse for the wear.

    Regarding the bag – she’s not likely to forget, so she can give it to him on the way out of school? Preferably when he has an adult nearby to help him respond appropriately.

    Jennifer January 15, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    I like the idea of letting her give it to him after school so not

    Jennifer January 15, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Sorry – buttons/technology/delurking – too much PRESSURE! My boys (10 & 7) haven’t had first loves but my youngest has been on the receiving end and it didn’t go well…long long story. I had to worry about the day after ‘winter’ break when they could take their favorite new gift for show and tell in 2nd grade and the then 2nd grader wanted to take….his new ROBE!!! He wore it all the time with my brother calling him “Hef”. I was so nervous the whole day – the teacher thought it was a RIOT!!! That they’re much more polite as 2nd graders than the high schoolers I teach – probably didn’t hurt that he got to go first!

    MayB January 15, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Wow. They grow up quick!

    I’m delurking. Have a great day.
    .-= MayB´s last blog ..Giant nightgowns and baby corn =-.

    sandy January 15, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    So, the other day, the nine year old and myself had some girl time together. Out of the blue (isn’t that how it always goes?) she asks me when will she have her first crush. I laugh now in the retelling but at the moment I was floored. I got lucky then, for once in my life the perfect answer came at the perfect time “honey, you’ve already HAD your first crush.” “When was that?” “Remember Wynton, who’s still your best friend, but that you’re not in love with anymore?” “Yes.” “That was your first crush.”

    Now I just get to hope that the second one fades as easily into friendship as the first one did. :)

    Anne Thomas January 15, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    I was a shy one, I guess. I was 8 & not “in love” per se, but definitely crushin’.

    Can’t say I ever got my heart broken via the situation, but I also never confessed. Kudos to her having the balls.

    /Officially delurked

    Amy W. January 15, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    How about inviting her friend over for a play date. Then she could give him her gift away from a school-wide audience, but it would still be something of a special occasion.

    ladybughugs January 15, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    I was heartbroken when my bestest friend (a boy who lived up the street that I’d been friends with since we were toddlers) had a birthday party and invited only the boys. I showed up on his doorstep one day, like I’d always done before, and his mother told me why he couldn’t come out and play. I was crushed. and devastated. It’s one of my earliest childhood memories.

    If she insists on giving the bag to her love, then I’d suggest a less public setting for the exchange with maybe an explanation for his parents. I think it’s so sweet that she wants to share her prized possessions with him.

    My daughter received a similar gift, for her birthday, from a boy in her class. His parents had bought a gift for her and then, the night before the party he put together his own gift made up of bits and pieces of things he found in the house. Sooo sweet and sooo thoughtful!
    .-= ladybughugs´s last blog ..My Reader =-.

    Mac & Cheese January 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    My four year old daughter thinks that she’s going to marry Cinderella. I’ve got a bit of time before I face this issue.
    .-= Mac & Cheese´s last blog ..Wasted Wish =-.

    MOAM January 15, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    Your posts about Emilia always make me smile…

    My first love was in kindergarten, a little blond German-looking boy named Carl, who walked with his arms stick straight. I used to watch him with my pretend binoculars from across the school yard.
    .-= MOAM´s last blog ..The good news is that alcohol exists =-.

    bea January 15, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    I commented yesterday but the Internet ate it! Pie has fallen in love as of exactly this week – and she DOES want to kiss him and she DOES want to marry him. She gets a soppy look on her face whenever she mentions his name, she explains that she’s “in love” with him, and she kisses him in the school picture. It is the real thing, full on.

    I’m relieved to know that there are so many other lovelorn 4-year-olds out there. I was in grade two before I developed my first real crush, and I thought that was early!
    .-= bea´s last blog ..Irony =-.

    Jack January 15, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    My daughter is 5.5 and far too interested in boys. She has had two boyfriends and though they weren’t the kind that I have to worry about I am still concerned.

    I am concerned because of conversations like these and because well, I know how boys/men think.

    I told her that when she is old enough to date the boys will call me death. Although truth be told I think that she’ll give any boy she catches all he can handle and then some.

    And lord help the lad if I catch him because that is my little girl. I know I have years before it happens, but I can’t imagine letting some other guy take care of her.
    .-= Jack´s last blog ..If I Was a Professional Blogger =-.

    Notaspanker January 15, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    My son fell in love with Madyson (ugh!) in J.K., we talked about her day and night (what she said, what she wore, had for lunch etc-this went on for months). It never bothered me much…UNTIL, the day he came home from school and he was clearly upset about something, when I asked him what it was he disolved into tears and told me “Madison would not talk to me at school today”. He was devastated and I had never seen him this way before.
    I remember I felt his pain physically, and I had a hard time not breaking down myself. For me I think a part of me was scared that I could not protect him from this hurt. In all honesty I also felt (selfishly) my own hurt that I was no longer the most important person in his life…and that hurt
    Hang in there!

    Linda January 15, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Delurking to say it is an honor to comment here. Your blog is so beautiful and thought provoking. My boys are grown now but the memory of their tender crushes is vivid.
    Hang in there, mothering is so hard.

    Linda

    Dagmar Bleasdale January 16, 2010 at 1:28 am

    Oh, so sweet!

    Amanda January 16, 2010 at 8:56 am

    These are the times where I’m glad my 8yo is emotionally detached enough (Asperger’s) that we haven’t had to go through any of this yet. I’m sure it’s in his future though, and I’ll have a mild heart attack.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Falling Through The Cracks =-.

    LocoYaYa January 16, 2010 at 11:28 am

    my four year old informed me the other day that she was also in love. with a friend of mines son. and that she WAS in love. and it didnt matter what i said because they have already kissed. and were gonna get married. K.I.S.S.E.D. shes four!!! WTF? really?!? i think im having an aneurysm. luckily my 12 year old has not fallen in love. but shes my special girl (aspergers) and my four year old…well my mother in heaven is LAUGHING HER *SS OFF!! because she the four year old…SHE…is my payback. and apparently i wrote a check my butt couldnt cash a very very long time ago.
    .-= LocoYaYa´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Just A Little Late =-.

    MommyNamedApril January 16, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    maybe you could talk her into bringing him a cookie, or something else more innocuous than the love bag?
    .-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Living in Central Florida is… Ummm… Special. =-.

    clairification January 16, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Delurking to say thanks for this sweet post. I fell in love for the first time when I was five. The object of my affections was a boy in my class.

    Every day we played at being a family. He, the husband, would carry a briefcase and leave the house while I, the wife, pretended to cook and wash dishes.

    One day I told him it was my turn to carry the briefcase and his turn to wash the dishes. He said, “Silly–we can’t switch. Boys don’t wash dishes, and girls don’t go to work.”

    Budding feminist that I was, I punched him in the eye.

    Lorien January 18, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Very sweet! My five-month-old, with his dimples and curly hair, has already been pegged as a heart-breaker. I hope I can raise him well enough to understand that this is not a good thing. Hearts are to be cherished.

    Which is why I, also a Canadian, am delurking AND donated to Medicins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders).
    .-= Lorien´s last blog ..Five months and counting =-.

    Mouse January 18, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    When Scooter was in preschool, he almost always attracted some cute, blond-headed, older girl who would help him navigate social situations. I suppose the upside to having an Aspie is that he’s still pretty much oblivious to all of this. He also has a friend who has already convinced him that girls and girl things are icky. But I’m probably doomed when he runs into his first hard-core, nerd fangirl.
    .-= Mouse´s last blog ..Anxiety the second time around =-.

    creative type dad January 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    The used iTunes gift card — lol!

    My daughter (4 also) is always making cards for her friends. Although most of them are scotched-taped closed so much that the receiver can’t open it.

    Eliza January 19, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    I didn’t manage to delurk on the proper day. Not here, not anywhere.

    But…my son is in love. His first girlfriend. He’s 15 and she is almost 18. They are a good match and I really like her. But two nights ago they stood outside in the cold talking for nearly an hour. And when he came inside, it looked like he’d been crying. And maybe he had, but he explained that she’s having family problems (recently divorced parents). They, their relationship, is just fine. Which is great. But, really, it can’t last forever. I wouldn’t even want his first love to be his only love. But I dread his future pain, even while I’m overjoyed that he’s so happy now.

    Rachel January 20, 2010 at 2:08 am

    *delurk*

    I say let the freaky love-flag fly. Because kids are getting weirder, and that is a wonderful thing. And because nobody will ever be able to hold Emilia back from being her own strange little self, even if at times it goes a bit untranslated.

    *relurk*

    Janeen January 23, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    delurk…

    been loyal reader since around the time of your amnio wih Jasper, one of those “read about you on a post of a friend of a friend, etc.” LOVE LOVE your writing and stories. Thank you for the insights and laughter, and tears.

    First love- kgarten (1978) teacher told my mom she’s never seen two five year olds so in love, and passionate about each other. (WHAT!?) and I distinctly remember smooching him and being the “initiator” of many of those, asking little boy for us to kiss for a long time like adults do (ie, I was quickly way past little pecks on the cheek/lips.) From there, I had about a 13 yr famine :) until the next “serious” boy came along.

    Now, I have a 4yr old boy and I don’t even want to think about it!

    Good luck.
    .-= Janeen´s last blog ..Four Years and Seven Minutes Ago.. =-.

    Della January 26, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    When I was 3, I was love with a 14 year old boy who attended our church. His name was (is) Mark, although I just called him That Blonde Haired Boy.

    To this day, I’m amazed at his lack of idiotic-14-year-old-ness because when he went on a missions trip to Taiwan, he brought me back gifts. Which means he knew I was alive, and wanted to make me happy.

    I remember feeling SO shy around him – unlike me. I remember the little leap my heart would give when I’d see him come around a corner or up some stairs.

    I remember when he wanted to give me those gifts, being too shy to take them, and my mom wouldn’t take them for me, and sobbing and being so horrified that me not being brave enough to take the gifts would make him think I didn’t want or appreciate them.

    When I think back to that incident and my sophisticated social thought process, I remember to give my toddler more credit.
    .-= Della´s last blog ..Monkey-rina =-.

    Alida January 27, 2010 at 4:10 am

    My first love was when I was about 4, as well, and we did get married in my living room. There are pictures.

    And actually, our house burned down when I was 12, and those pictures disappeared. They were one of the things my mom was most disappointed about losing, so when she got duplicates from the boy’s mom (who happened to be one of my mom’s best friends), they went into the safe deposit box — where they still live today — so that they’d be safe until my real wedding, when they could make a grand appearance in the slide show.

    Apparently I used to chase this boy around, yelling, “Come here, my sweetie!”

    Pretty sure the wedding was all my idea (and I certainly planned it–including convincing his little brother to be the ring bearer and my little sister to be the flower girl), but at least he went along with it.
    .-= Alida´s last blog ..Best of all worlds =-.

    Sean January 27, 2010 at 9:50 am

    My four-year-old girl IS (she says) in love, kisses and all. On the lips. With probably the least cute boy in the class. Not a big deal. Does sound to me like you’re investing it with a little too much meaning here – your own meaning, not hers.

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