What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)
Emilia is in love.
“Mommy, can I make a present for Josh? Because I love him.”
– “You LOVE Josh?”
“Yes. But it’s not love like getting-married love. And it’s not kissing-love. It’s FRIEND-love.”
– “Oh, good. Wait… what do you know about kissing?”
“That it makes your cheeks go red.”
OY.
“But I don’t kiss Josh.”
Phew.
“You only kiss the person that you find who is your one special person and that’s the only person you kiss and then you get married. I’m not going to marry Josh.”
Phew-phew-phew.
“But I love him anyway. Can I give him a present?”
She’s filled a gift bag, left over from Christmas, with cast-off bits of her artwork and stray stickers and ribbons and buttons and various what-nots that she has gathered and deemed precious. She comes to me with a drawing that she had presented to me as a Christmas gift and asks if she can take it back. “I think that Josh would like it more, Mommy. I can make you another one.”
I say yes – how many such drawings can a mother have, anyway? – and she adds the drawing – which was purportedly of me, but will now, I’m guessing, be explained as a drawing of the Tooth Fairy or the Eyeglasses Queen or some such to forestall any weirdness around giving pictures of one’s mother to the object of one’s affection – to the bag. She then attaches a used iTunes gift card to the bag with an expanse of red ribbon. “That’s so he’ll he know it’s his,” she says. “Because that’s him.” She points to the dancing, iPodded shadow figure on one side.
“Really?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “I’m just pretending.”
Emilia and Josh, by Emilia. Emilia is, inexplicably, the one with the long dark pigtails. Josh is the one that looks like a reconstructed Toady. Let’s not analyze that.
“Josh isn’t old enough to know what an iTunes card is, is he?” my husband asks, addressing no-one in particular. “Or will he just think that I-T-U-N-E-S spells ‘I Love You’ and overlook the fact that the purchase code is scratched off?”
Emilia rolls her eyes, and I wonder what it is that I’m more discomfited by: the fact that she is four years old and already rolling her eyes at us, or the fact that she is four years old and in love?
It’s the latter. By a mile, it’s the latter.
First love is adorable, of course. But she’s four. That she’s savvy enough to understand that her affection for Josh is not the same as the affection shared between me and her father is heartening, but still: love. Love is awesome, but it also, inevitably, involves pain, and I am just not ready for that.
That’s right: me. I am not ready for that.
Emilia is already learning that it can hurt to love someone in any capacity. She tells me that there are some days when Josh doesn’t play with her the most, and that sometimes Josh would rather be with the boys than with her. “It makes me nervous, Mommy,” she tells me, “because I want to play with him and I don’t like how it feels when he doesn’t want to play with me.” She tells me this, and my heart goes OOF.
OOF.
I tell her the usual things, give the usual advice – you have lots of friends, sweetie, lots of people to play with, don’t let Josh’s choices hurt you, just worry about having fun and not who’s playing with whom – but I know that it doesn’t make the feelings go away and I know that I shouldn’t want those feelings to go away for her. I know that this is all a part of the terrible, awesome beauty of loving friends and family and whomever else our heart finds itself drawn to. I know that we can’t experience the bliss of love without having some experience of the pain; I know that the joy of being close to a beloved only becomes more clearer when we feel the ache of being apart. I know that we all have to learn that love is both light and dark, I know that we are all immeasurably enriched by learning that love is both light and dark, even in its best incarnations (and I know that the time will come for teaching that too much dark signals an absence of love, but that is another story that I cannot yet even bear to contemplate), but she is four. Four.
She’s still just a baby. She’s my baby, which, yes, she will be forever, but for now she is still very much my wee darling baby girl, and she still needs my care and protection. And I want to protect her heart for as long as I can.
So, Josh: WATCH YOURSELF.
When was your first love? When did your *kids* first fall in “love”? What are you going to do when they do? OH GOD it just gets so much HARDER from here on out, doesn’t it?
(Also, THE GIFT – the iTunes-card-adorned catch-all Grab Bag Of Love that Emilia has put together for Josh – what do I do with that? She really wants to bring it to school for him, to present to him in the schoolyard, and I, every morning, move it discreetly out of view so that she doesn’t remember to ask to bring it, because, I don’t know. Because it just seems risky, a public, gift-enhanced declaration of love? Because the bag is gloriously strange and I don’t know that the strangeness that I think is so awesome will be so appreciated by a four year old boy – and all their classmates? Because I want to protect? Am I right to do this? Or should I just let her let freaky love-flag fly, in all of its wonderfully bizarre glory?)
****
Today is National Delurking Day, which, because I’m Canadian, I hereby declare it International Delurking Day. Comport yourselves accordingly.
****
I’ve been asked whether I might peg any donations I’m making to help efforts in Haiti to the number of comments that I get today. I won’t be doing that, for banal reasons that I’ve explained here. I’ll just be donating as much as I possibly can. You should, too. Canadians might consider the Canadian Red Cross or Unicef Canada or – one of my very favorite charities - Save The Children. Americans, you have lots of options, too, but the Red Cross is a good place to put dollars. And Compassion International (and Compassion Canada) does wonderful work, and has banners and buttons to help promote donating for Haiti. Or, just put your money and/or efforts wherever you think they’ll be put to best use. It’s the helping that matters, not the how.
But you should still comment. Just because it makes everyone feel good 
Posted by Her Bad Mother on January 14, 2010
Filed under: Uncategorized, emilia, fearless
Tags: friends, kissing, love
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."What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." (Nietzsche, Aphorism 153, Beyond Good And Evil.) Not, unfortunately, beyond Dora dolls that shout 'WE DID IT!' when you step on them, but you learn to cope with that.
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© 2010 • Her Bad Mother • All Rights Reserved
Jan 14, 2010
Oh my heart!
This post was amazing, totally Emilia in every way. I miss her! I miss Jasper too, and you! I wish I could have had the time to visit when I was still there. Perhaps I’ll stop in for a visit when I come down in February?
I haven’t had to worry about Nolan falling in love yet, but he does love women with blond hair and accents…hmmm…
Give the kiddies a hug for me!
Sarcastica´s last blog ..The Cottage
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Would love to have a visit – we’d love to see you!
Jan 14, 2010
That’s awesomely hysterical. I’d have a heart attack at that, too. I love the “you only kiss who you marry” part. How sweet.
Candice´s last blog ..The baby did *not* break the sofa.
Jan 14, 2010
I was *hopelessly* in love with a 7-year old when I was 5 – as in, wept brokenheartedly when my mother insisted that I was NOT “in love.” I loved him desperately. Until his twin brother stole my sticker book.
Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..Things that make you(r head) go boom
Jan 14, 2010
How sweet that is, but I have to say, I do so totally GET your concerns! My son is 7, and while I think it’s different for boys, it did all start at the age of 4 – and I was beside myself. The day my 4 yr old came home and bitched and complained about the “kissy girls” at school, and how the “leader” was telling everyone she was his girlfriend – Oh, my… it was too much!
Thankfully, so far, my son still only has eyes for his mama. And that’s fine by me
Jan 14, 2010
“Josh is the one that looks like a reconstructed Toady. Let’s not analyze that.” LET’S!
katie | motherbumper´s last blog ..Wordless(er) Wednesday: Hello Barbie, Let’s Go Party Edition
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Have at it. I’m not touching it.
HA. PUN.
Jan 14, 2010
Both of my older kids were about 4 when they were “in love” too. It goes away for a little while after the first crush, when they think the opposite sex is icky. I prefer them thinking icky right now.
Heather @ Cool Zebras´s last blog ..Attitude Limerick
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
I am *dying* for the ‘icky’ stage. PLEASE.
Jan 14, 2010
Holy Smokes.. I was just dealing with this yesterday! I’m not ready for any of it either!
Great Blog post!
Suzie
http://www.asktheebayqueen.com
Suzie´s last blog ..Something to Look at.. Steampunk
Jan 14, 2010
BWHAHAHAHA.
Sorry, dealing with my own daughter love problems on this end.
Misery loves company and all…
Tanis Miller, RNM´s last blog ..Deja-Vu
Jan 14, 2010
I’m sorry to say, but what my dad says is true: Little children, little problems; bigger children, bigger problems.
Parenting is always bittersweet. I have to say, though, that my 7-year-old’s “love” relationships are much more charming (not to mention less anxiety-inducing) than my teenagers’ relationships. Oye. It all gets so darn DRAMATIC at around 12-13 years old.
Neen Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Yo!
My 16 year old and his girlfriend broke up for 4 WHOLE DAYS last fall, and it was like living with a ghost. A very sad ghost that you only knew had passed through the room because you could smell teenage boy.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
AAAAGH.
This is what awaits me?
Jan 14, 2010
Ack! I can’t take the thought that this might be ME in 6 short months….
Hold me…*whimper*
Carrie´s last blog ..Return of the F.A.C.
Jan 14, 2010
My girl isn’t even 3 yet, so I can’t answer that. But I know that *my* first love was when I was about 4. It was – literally – the boy next door. His 2 sisters and my older sister would help me chase him and catch him, and then they’d tie him to a chair with a jump rope so I could kiss him. Seriously. We’re now friends on Facebook. Totally bizarre.
If it helps, I don’t remember getting my heart broken over it. I think we just grew out of it.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
I was about 4, too, maybe 5. I didn’t kiss him – Mikey – but he was my best friend and I LURVED him.
SIGH.
Jan 14, 2010
I am here to celebrate National Delurking Day!
Damn kids are heartbreakers, aren’t they?
Kimberly´s last blog ..13{365}
Jan 14, 2010
Delurking! That’s so sweet, and so heartbreaking, and so hard! I remember those times when my teenagers were preschoolers and going through this same thing.
Jan 14, 2010
I just blogged about my six year old and her being “in love” with a boy in her class (and it’s reciprocated!!). She’s had crushes before – but this one is different.
They sit together in the lunch room. In grade one speak, that’s serious business.
And like you — SO not ready for this.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Love Lessons with my Six Year Old
Jan 14, 2010
OOF, indeed. My first ‘love’ was Billy Pensyl. He kissed me on the school bus. Then he moved away and broke my heart.
I’m pretty sure I got over it.
JennC´s last blog ..Marathon Manicotti
Jan 14, 2010
I’m a faithful reader but rare commenter. So here I am…delurking. As a fellow Canadian, I liked that you called it INTERNATIONAL Delurker Day. Smart thinking!
Jan 14, 2010
I was five when I first fell in love. With Zach. Who brought me daisies and a ring from a gumball machine and asked me to marry him when we were “as old as our moms.”
Brynna was four. And fell in love with a 15 year old friend of her uncle’s. Also, she’s in love with Jonas. Not one of them in particular. The collective.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
If any boy starts bringing Emilia flowers and jewelry I’m not sure what I’ll do. Although currently the issue is HER giving gifts to HIM.
Gah.
Jan 14, 2010
I know what you mean. My kid (5) told me one day that his “girlfriend” Samantha didn’t love him anymore. I was 1. disturbed and 2. heartbroken for him. He looked so perplexed and sad. I thought, oh my dear, the women will be tramping on your heart if you’re not careful. How do I toughen him up without turning him into a cad? (Does anyone use the word “cad” anymore?)
Anyway, point being, I feel it too.
Catherine´s last blog ..Independence, inter-dependence
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
This is exactly what I fear. Emilia is already perplexed that Josh’s love isn’t consistent, never mind what will happen if he decides to take his lvoe elsewhere. UGH.
Also, I love the word cad.
Jan 14, 2010
My first love was Donny Bjorkman. I was also 4. I was so excited to be the only girl invited to his birthday party – I wore my pink party dress and played Pin The Tail on the Donkey and drop the clothsepin in the milk bottle and then sat on the front steps and sniffled while all the boys kicked a ball around. I knew my mother would kill me if I got that dress muddy.
Oddly enough, we wound up dating for six months or so when I was in college. I always wonder what happened to him.
Major Bedhead´s last blog ..Say Hello, Dammit
Jan 14, 2010
Sometimes faithful, sometimes not reader finally delurking. I, too, am Canadian, and updated my (rarely read) blog to reflect that
Angela´s last blog ..Something
Jan 14, 2010
My son, who will be four this month, has been ‘married’ to his best friend at school for almost a year now. It is cute but also somewhat unsettling. (and hi, delurking)
Miss Grace´s last blog ..GTT – Your Favorite Body Part
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Emilia thinks that she’s going to marry her brother. That’s a whole ‘nother story.
Jan 14, 2010
I like this story much more than the fact that my seven year old daughter has informed us that her Boy Friend (NOT boyfriend, just boy FRIEND… for now) will be moving in with us when he turns 18.
Boy Friend had better get himself a job and pitch in with expenses around here. And hopefully doesn’t mind sleeping on the lumpy pull-out couch ALONE.
sherry´s last blog ..The incredible sleepless night AND de-lurking day!
Jan 14, 2010
Why is it my son (2) only is in love (his words!) with the educators from his daycare? He only likes older women…
AAAHHHHH
Severine´s last blog ..Wordless Thursday, ’cause I forgot Wednesday!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Oh, Emilia also has a crush on her JK teacher, Ms. Wilson. But she understands that Ms. Wilson has many loves, so that’s easier to manage.
Jan 14, 2010
I remember being in love in kindergarten, so I was 5 years old.
Flora fell in love at 3. 3! She’s a sensitive one. Also got in trouble at day care for ALMOST kissing a boy at 4 (he was 5); not the same boy she purported to be in love with at 3. So in trouble.
Kate has yet to fall in love. Sometimes she doesn’t even want to kiss her father (or grandfathers) because they are boys. So she’s either going to be a harder sell (fine with that) or a lesbian (also fine with that).
rpm
red pen mama´s last blog ..Delurking Day: Help Haiti
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Again with the kissing! I can’t handle the kissing. Am grateful that so far Emilia disdains the kissing. Because, gah.
Jan 14, 2010
I’m not a parent so I can’t really relate to how scary that all is.
What I find so endearing is that you have a daughter who is so obviously full of love and life and sees nothing wrong with expressing it.
Reminds me a bit of when the little girl next door made me a hand-made bday card (best one I got that year) and gave me her loose change from France, Mexico, and Canada so that I could travel
Can kids be any more cute when they are so selfless?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Her openness and selflessness fill me with pride. But also make me worry for her heart, which is sad. Am trying to focus on just how awesome it is that she’s so open about love.
Jan 14, 2010
I don’t remember my older boys falling in love when they were that age, I do remember them coming home announcing that some little girl or other had told them that she was going to marry them when they were grown-ups. Neither of them were particularly impressed.
Jan 14, 2010
I’m a loyal reader, but only comment occasionally. So I figure I fall under the title of lurker!
Arkie Mama´s last blog ..Arkie Mama: First haircut Wordless Wednesday
Jan 14, 2010
My first love moved away when I was little and I recently found him on Facebook. Still single and looks like a tool. So there you have it.
My 6yo falls in and out of love with boys at school, but it warms my heart to know she still wants to marry her daddy
Jan 14, 2010
My son first fell in love when he was 5 and loved that little girl all through elementary school. He was nothing if not loyal.
When is was 17 he had his first real heartbreak. It was the first time I’d seen him cry over a girl and I cried right along with him, it was that GUT WRENCHING. I wanted to cut that little hussy for causing my baby that much pain.
That was 2 years ago and I think he’s gotten over it. I’m still mad at her.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I’m not going to survive the teen years. I just know this. I’m not.
Jan 14, 2010
Your post was absolutely adorable. Let her love, while love is still innocent and cute, because some day…it’s gonna be dramatic!
Mrs. Schmitty´s last blog ..DeLurking Day 2010
Jan 14, 2010
My boys haven’t fallen in love that I know of but they do like to follow the only girl in their little daycare around. They are facinated with her for the obvious reasons…she has clips in her hair and they want to play with them. It’s the cutest thing. I have seen them hug random kids before so they may be the lovey types when they get a little bigger. My girl is only 9.5 months so I have some time before I have to kneecap some poor boy for breaking her heart.
*insert Nancy Kerrigan why me’s here* Not looking forward to those days. I will be thinking of you. I don’t usually lurk, I just go ahead and comment but I will say I have delurked for the day! Have a great one and good luck with the “Josh situation”.
Forgotten´s last blog ..Happy Belated Birthday to Me…
Jan 14, 2010
So Clara was 3 when she had her first crush. On a 5-year-old. They stole away to the back of the garden at preschool, shut out the world, and talked about…I have no idea. And they kissed. Another boy, also 5, sat on the porch and held his head in his hands because Clara hadn’t chosen him. If Clara’s love had not happened to be the preschool teacher’s son, and the teacher hadn’t thought it was adorable (and normal) I might have freaked. It ended, eventually, and it was painful for Clara, but she moved on. I think the fact that it was March and the whole world was buzzing with spring-sex had something to do with it.
And then there is my Iris, age 3, who is going to marry not one, but TWO girls in her class. And they will all get to be brides and wear veils. That’s my girl: giving the religious right something to do.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
oh, my god, laughing and heart clenching at the same time. young love – why did Shakespeare not write sonnets about the preschoolers?
Jan 14, 2010
DeLurking.
My first love was when I was 4-5. I distinctly remember it. His name was Christopher, and he lived down the street. We played “doctor” (yes, alarming, I know!), and he came over and we watched the Little Mermaid on my teeter-totter in the basement, and played Dollhouse. I was crushed–CRUSHED–when we weren’t in the same class that year. I just knew our summer of love was over. sigh.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Mine was Mikey. I was about five, I think. He was my best friend and I LURVED him.
Jan 14, 2010
My middle son had THREE fiances when he was only 3 or 4 years old. They would tell him that he would have to buy them flowers when they were older and they would tell him he had to marry them. To ALL THREE, he said, ‘O.K.’
He’s still good friends with 2 out of 3 (the third moved out of our school district so he doesn’t see her anymore).
It will be okay!
Jan 14, 2010
I remember being in Emilia’s shoes back in preschool…and look forward nervously to being in yours as a mom! Thanks for sharing, and hang in there!
Jennifer´s last blog ..Introducing December’s Winning Artist, Jessie Kantor
Jan 14, 2010
Emotionally, this parenting thing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Ever.
My son (7) hasn’t been “in love” yet but has had a few different girls proclaim their undying love for him (one has claimed him as her husband already). My daughter (5) has not made mention of being in love with anyone yet either. Whew!
Lynn @ Walking With Scissors´s last blog ..I totally don’t even deserve this AT ALL but can you do me this favour anyway? As a show of good faith?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Okay, I am officially WIGGED out at how much kissing and marriage is going on with the preschool set, and now I’m freaked about what E isn’t telling me. Maybe she’s in some Big Love polygamous arrangement and I DON’T EVEN KNOW.
Jan 14, 2010
My 6 year old has fallen in love with any boy who has walked past her since she started going to school. So far she has not fallen hard. Fingers are firmly crossed and I have been knocking wood since then. My son has had the same girlfriend since his freshman year in HS(he is now a Junior) I do worry about them with college looming on the horizon.
Jen´s last blog ..Almost Wordless
Jan 14, 2010
Delurking!
My now-11-year-old fell in love in pre-school (what is that, age 4?) with beautiful Annie of the halo of gorgeous curly hair. It was largely unreciprocated, and he has since moved on.
Puberty sucks, by the way…
Jan 14, 2010
As soon as my kid started school, he started telling me about his girlfriends. I think he just used that term for friends that happened to be girls, but still.
Jennifer´s last blog ..It’s Delurking Day!!
Jan 14, 2010
Another Canadian here (thank goodness there are two of us hey?). I didn’t marry my first love, but I did marry the first guy who got me pregnant…which sounds kinda bad, but turned out to be a good decision this many years later. My kids all went through this crush stage when they were in preschool/kindergarten. It was cute compared to these days, when we deal with bigger issues like boyfriends being snuck into the house in the wee hours of the morning.
Jan 14, 2010
Hi!
Sorry for lurking.
Kelly´s last blog ..Wardrobe Wednesday
Jan 14, 2010
My 4 yr old has her first boyfriend now. He’s the “bad boy” at school. I think it is karma’s evil way at repaying me for what I did to my parents all those years ago…
And I love that Josh resembles Today!
Meg´s last blog ..Delurking and Redirecting
Jan 14, 2010
I’m delurking…been lurking for a LONG time! I love your writing! And Emilia seems so wise before her time…
Christina´s last blog ..Dinner Out
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Thank you
Jan 14, 2010
Aww she is adorable. At 4 and she is in love, makes you yearn for her to be 13 yes? LOL
Mary Jo´s last blog ..Jinx
Jan 14, 2010
Delurking — hi!
Jan 14, 2010
My Amelia has a boy she like in her preschool class. His name is Nathan. When she says his name she smiles and giggles. This makes my husband VERY nervous. He keeps telling her first a great college then you can get a boyfriend. I think her teenager years are going to be rough on him.
Jan 14, 2010
My darling daughter is 16, many, many tears over boys. My heart may never be the same, it is more painful for your child to have a broken heart than to have one yourself. I think she actually made it until first grade before she fell in love, with JT, her first boyfriend. It lasted about a week and then a new girl came to her school and we had the following conversation when she came home from school.
” Mommy, I think I’m gay.”
” Ummm, what makes you think that baby?” (We are a gay friendly family)
“Shaylynn is the new girl, and Mommy, she is soooo beautiful.” This was accompanied by much dramatic eye rolling and falling on the couch as if she had fainted.
Oh young love. Those days were much easier than these days with the 6ft tall boys who pick my little girl up for dates.
All I can say- keep the alcohol flowing freely, you’re gonna need it!
Carol´s last blog ..Get uncomfortable, you’re gonna be here a while
Jan 14, 2010
I was in love for the first time when I was about five or six. It was with my 16-year-old sister’s cute surfer boyfriend, Gary (who thought I was adorable) so it was really annoying for everyone involved.
Suebob´s last blog ..Show yourselves!
Jan 14, 2010
What hurts, too, to watch – is that the tougher stuff is real, too!
I commented earlier, and the comment took off on its own – hence my own post.
Thanks, as always, for inspiring.
CatrinkaS´s last blog ..First
Jan 14, 2010
J’s now 7, she was running around chasing the boys just shy of 5. And KISSING them! ALL of them. One in particular still gets chased/ran from. She has, happily for mommy, stopped kissing the boys. ‘Cause faces have germs ya know!
So really, E should be good… in 3 years. THREE. YEARS. I feel your pain.
CrystalC2B´s last blog ..The Storage Closet
Jan 14, 2010
My first love was in kindergarten. His name was Lyle and I loved him faithfully until Grade 3 when a mini Jack Lord (from Hawaii Five-O) walked into the classroom with the name of Kyle. Lyle for Kyle.
A little girl in my son’s 3-year-old preschool told her mother that of all the boys in the class she likes my son the best. It seems that for little girls love blooms early.
Marilyn´s last blog ..What I Want to Be When I Grow Up
Jan 14, 2010
I stop by every day and never comment because I am so very, very shy.
Doc Horton´s last blog ..OLD SAW, LOON REVISION
Jan 14, 2010
Oh dear. I should just lock up my two-week-old girl now, shouldn’t I?
Annika´s last blog ..OMG OMG OMG
Jan 14, 2010
What an amazing story! I am 5 months away from my first child & am looking forward to every moment of it, even moments like these when they are learning about pain & happiness. Children are so precious.
I was 4 or 5 with my first love. Jason from California, my best friend’s brother. On Valentine’s Day I made him a card that said “Jesus loves you & so do I.” Then I moved away & never spoke to him again.
Jewel´s last blog ..The Opposite of Inspiration
Jan 14, 2010
oh, i can sooooo relate.
my youngest is 4 right now. and last year, when she was THREE, she got married.
yes, i said married.
she married a little boy at her babysitters. they had a wedding and a kiss and everything.
they are still “boyfriend and girlfriend” and they still say they are married.
sometimes they even break up. but they always get back together again.
its enough to make a mom wanna upchuck. just a little. just because it is waaaaaay way way too soon!
crazyassmomma´s last blog ..What I Meant to Say Wednesday – Round 2!
Jan 14, 2010
You are so much stronger than me. I would hunt this Josh character down and. . . well I’m not sure but I’d do something. Then I’d watch Beaches, eat Ben & Jerry’s and cry.
But that’s just me.
Carrie @ Who Knew?´s last blog ..January 13
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Josh’s mom tells me that Josh also has a crush on emilia, so it’s complicated, his whole hot and cold thing, but yeah. UGH.
Jan 14, 2010
In the spirit of “international” delurking day…from a Canadian in Australia
Jan 14, 2010
This is so well put. She sounds adorable!
My son has always been in love. He’s 22 now, but at 2 and-a-half he ran around the playground after a 4 year old girl, screaming, “wait, stop. But I LOVE you!!”
She was not impressed.
Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..Native Islanders
Jan 14, 2010
I never thought, at four, this was something that I needed to worried about. My son Logan has not one, but TWO girlfriends at preschool. It’s quite a love triangle, let me tell you. Oh the drama of young love.
The difference between Logan and Emilia is that Logan doesn’t call them his girlfriends. They are “only friends”. What a typical guy I’m raising.
Andrea from Big Blue Momma´s last blog ..2010 is not being nice to me…
Jan 14, 2010
My (now) 5 year old had his first “girlfriend” last year. Her mom told me she made cards and gifts for him at home all the time. She managed to talk her out of giving them to Hollis by telling her that all the other boys in their class would be sad. LOL! Hollis still blushes whenever we mention her and he still tells everyone she’s his girlfriend. It’s kind of sweet but until it happened, I had NO idea it started this young!
Lawyer Mama´s last blog ..Pot, Meet Kettle – I Mean Harry Reid
Her Bad Mother Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
That is EXACTLY what I’ve been doing – trying to convince Emilia to NOT give Josh the present because other kids would be jealous. I feel guilty about it. Should I be letting her give her weird love gifts? Or?
GAH GAH GAH.
Jan 14, 2010
My son, also 4, loves everyone. Everybody in class gets a hug at the end of the day before he leaves, girls and boys alike. It is so damn cute…
I remember the first time I fell in love. I wasn’t 4…I was old enough to know what my genitalia were for, just barely. And that’s all I’m gonna say about THAT.
Kathryn´s last blog ..Enchantē
Jan 14, 2010
that first love so magical and poignant
habanerogal´s last blog ..Whore-moan or whore-mouth take your pick
Jan 14, 2010
If that’s how it is, I still love like a four year old.
Jan 15, 2010
My son (almost 5) was distraught yesterday because he missed Veronica. We hadn’t be gone from the playground more than a minute before he was crying about how he didn’t get to chase her long enough. When we got home he lay down on the floor and cried because he just missed her so much. I don’t think he was impressed when I told him he needed to go to bed for some quiet time and I’d put some nice emo music on for him. I actually put on an audiobook and gave him an hour of quiet time. Once he had a little down time he was fine, but I forsee this happening often.
Gwen´s last blog ..A Day to De-Lurk
Jan 15, 2010
Aloha –
My nephew, 11 yrs old in a few weeks, has had ‘girl friends’ and a ‘girlfriend’ starting when he was quite young. Kindergarden? Yup. He’ll blush when he talks about one of them. Quite special, so my brother said of their friendship.
Semi-lurker coming out to say “a hui hou” – until we meet again.
Blessings always.
Eliza´s last blog ..Sun enters Capricorn aka Winter Solstice 2009
Jan 15, 2010
I had a “boyfriend” in preschool. We would hold hands all around the playground. But then we spun too much on the tire swing and I threw up all over both of us and he didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore.
I guess I’m not a full lurker, but I don’t say hi nearly enough. So hi!
Lara´s last blog ..Pretty Sure That’s a Grading No-No
Jan 15, 2010
My three and a half year old daughter is very much interested in marriage, but has not declared love for any fellow pre-schoolers yet. Yet. But she gets the boys in her class to play mommy-and-daddy-get-married, and she asks me about wedding dresses and says she wants one, and when we play with her Barbies, Barbie (played by me) performs the wedding of the Prince (Ken) and Belle (who stole Barbie’s man and her house, and also got to keep her horse). She has climbed into my bed and asked “Mama, where do you find a husband? Where will I find a husband?” It is all kind of terrifying.
Ginger´s last blog ..Nuts, I say
Jan 15, 2010
that’s sweet. I can’t wait until I have kids and experience this.
My first boyfriend was a boy named Michael, we were both 5, and he lived upstairs from me, and we went to the same school. Everyday we played together, and it was awesome, cause he was my boyfriend. Then he moved away. Recently found him (say recently, a few years back) and he’s not anything like i remembered him!
My next boyfriend was when I was 8. I say boyfriend, I liked him, his name was Ben Wilson. I liked him so much that I kicked him, hard, in the happy sacks, cause that’s apparantly what you were supposed to do when you’re 8…….. I got told off, and he kinda hated me after that.
My brother started early. he started at 3. his girlfriend was the lady who worked at the video store, her name was angel and she had pretty long blond hair. he let her know she was his girlfriend by running up to her and biting her on the bum. my dad spent ages apologising. i thought it was hilarious.
kids are adorable
Jan 15, 2010
My 3YO son is in love with ME right now, so I’m happy. All of his friends are girls, though, so I’m pretty sure he’s either a ladies’ man or gay (either of which will be fine with me, as long as he doesn’t end up being a ‘playa’ with either gender).
This “josh” is not to be trusted–he looks like Uncle Fester from the Adamms Family.
As for me, I don;t remember the first time I was in love, I really don’t. If it was super-young I guess I’ve forgotten. Now I’ve got to go quiz my mom…..
momtrolfreak´s last blog ..I’m HUGE in Australia* (*"HUGE" = "virtually unknown except for this one cul-de-sac")
Jan 15, 2010
My 4 yr old got “married” to a preschool classmate of hers, who she’s just left behind in the Turks and Caicos Islands. When i asked her how she intended to get married when he’s so far away, she promptly said that wasn’t a problem cos she had his phone. (a broken, pink toy that she’d fished out from behind the sofa of our hotel room, n obviously not his)
i’m in a love-hate relationship w/my situation right now
Jan 15, 2010
my first love came at age 5 or 6… and lasted trough primary school…
i was lucky enough to find him 10 years later and fall in love all over again…
but in the middle, there was heartache and it was completely neccesary to learn how to love again
Jan 15, 2010
She was 3 to his 2 and half. It lasted for 18 months and was the talk of the preschool. He said she was special. She lit up like a Christmas tree when he was around. They sat together, played together. A completely reciprocal relationship. By the end of kindergarten, they moved on. They are now 13 and 12 and half. Neither one seems worse for the wear.
Regarding the bag – she’s not likely to forget, so she can give it to him on the way out of school? Preferably when he has an adult nearby to help him respond appropriately.
Jennifer Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I like the idea of letting her give it to him after school so not
Jennifer Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Sorry – buttons/technology/delurking – too much PRESSURE! My boys (10 & 7) haven’t had first loves but my youngest has been on the receiving end and it didn’t go well…long long story. I had to worry about the day after ‘winter’ break when they could take their favorite new gift for show and tell in 2nd grade and the then 2nd grader wanted to take….his new ROBE!!! He wore it all the time with my brother calling him “Hef”. I was so nervous the whole day – the teacher thought it was a RIOT!!! That they’re much more polite as 2nd graders than the high schoolers I teach – probably didn’t hurt that he got to go first!
Jan 15, 2010
Wow. They grow up quick!
I’m delurking. Have a great day.
MayB´s last blog ..Giant nightgowns and baby corn
Jan 15, 2010
So, the other day, the nine year old and myself had some girl time together. Out of the blue (isn’t that how it always goes?) she asks me when will she have her first crush. I laugh now in the retelling but at the moment I was floored. I got lucky then, for once in my life the perfect answer came at the perfect time “honey, you’ve already HAD your first crush.” “When was that?” “Remember Wynton, who’s still your best friend, but that you’re not in love with anymore?” “Yes.” “That was your first crush.”
Now I just get to hope that the second one fades as easily into friendship as the first one did.
Jan 15, 2010
I was a shy one, I guess. I was 8 & not “in love” per se, but definitely crushin’.
Can’t say I ever got my heart broken via the situation, but I also never confessed. Kudos to her having the balls.
/Officially delurked
Jan 15, 2010
How about inviting her friend over for a play date. Then she could give him her gift away from a school-wide audience, but it would still be something of a special occasion.
Jan 15, 2010
I was heartbroken when my bestest friend (a boy who lived up the street that I’d been friends with since we were toddlers) had a birthday party and invited only the boys. I showed up on his doorstep one day, like I’d always done before, and his mother told me why he couldn’t come out and play. I was crushed. and devastated. It’s one of my earliest childhood memories.
If she insists on giving the bag to her love, then I’d suggest a less public setting for the exchange with maybe an explanation for his parents. I think it’s so sweet that she wants to share her prized possessions with him.
My daughter received a similar gift, for her birthday, from a boy in her class. His parents had bought a gift for her and then, the night before the party he put together his own gift made up of bits and pieces of things he found in the house. Sooo sweet and sooo thoughtful!
ladybughugs´s last blog ..My Reader
Jan 15, 2010
My four year old daughter thinks that she’s going to marry Cinderella. I’ve got a bit of time before I face this issue.
Mac & Cheese´s last blog ..Wasted Wish
Jan 15, 2010
Your posts about Emilia always make me smile…
My first love was in kindergarten, a little blond German-looking boy named Carl, who walked with his arms stick straight. I used to watch him with my pretend binoculars from across the school yard.
MOAM´s last blog ..The good news is that alcohol exists
Jan 15, 2010
I commented yesterday but the Internet ate it! Pie has fallen in love as of exactly this week – and she DOES want to kiss him and she DOES want to marry him. She gets a soppy look on her face whenever she mentions his name, she explains that she’s “in love” with him, and she kisses him in the school picture. It is the real thing, full on.
I’m relieved to know that there are so many other lovelorn 4-year-olds out there. I was in grade two before I developed my first real crush, and I thought that was early!
bea´s last blog ..Irony
Jan 15, 2010
My daughter is 5.5 and far too interested in boys. She has had two boyfriends and though they weren’t the kind that I have to worry about I am still concerned.
I am concerned because of conversations like these and because well, I know how boys/men think.
I told her that when she is old enough to date the boys will call me death. Although truth be told I think that she’ll give any boy she catches all he can handle and then some.
And lord help the lad if I catch him because that is my little girl. I know I have years before it happens, but I can’t imagine letting some other guy take care of her.
Jack´s last blog ..If I Was a Professional Blogger
Jan 15, 2010
My son fell in love with Madyson (ugh!) in J.K., we talked about her day and night (what she said, what she wore, had for lunch etc-this went on for months). It never bothered me much…UNTIL, the day he came home from school and he was clearly upset about something, when I asked him what it was he disolved into tears and told me “Madison would not talk to me at school today”. He was devastated and I had never seen him this way before.
I remember I felt his pain physically, and I had a hard time not breaking down myself. For me I think a part of me was scared that I could not protect him from this hurt. In all honesty I also felt (selfishly) my own hurt that I was no longer the most important person in his life…and that hurt
Hang in there!
Jan 15, 2010
Delurking to say it is an honor to comment here. Your blog is so beautiful and thought provoking. My boys are grown now but the memory of their tender crushes is vivid.
Hang in there, mothering is so hard.
Linda
Jan 16, 2010
Oh, so sweet!
Jan 16, 2010
These are the times where I’m glad my 8yo is emotionally detached enough (Asperger’s) that we haven’t had to go through any of this yet. I’m sure it’s in his future though, and I’ll have a mild heart attack.
Amanda´s last blog ..Falling Through The Cracks
Jan 16, 2010
my four year old informed me the other day that she was also in love. with a friend of mines son. and that she WAS in love. and it didnt matter what i said because they have already kissed. and were gonna get married. K.I.S.S.E.D. shes four!!! WTF? really?!? i think im having an aneurysm. luckily my 12 year old has not fallen in love. but shes my special girl (aspergers) and my four year old…well my mother in heaven is LAUGHING HER *SS OFF!! because she the four year old…SHE…is my payback. and apparently i wrote a check my butt couldnt cash a very very long time ago.
LocoYaYa´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Just A Little Late
Jan 16, 2010
maybe you could talk her into bringing him a cookie, or something else more innocuous than the love bag?
MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Living in Central Florida is… Ummm… Special.
Jan 16, 2010
Delurking to say thanks for this sweet post. I fell in love for the first time when I was five. The object of my affections was a boy in my class.
Every day we played at being a family. He, the husband, would carry a briefcase and leave the house while I, the wife, pretended to cook and wash dishes.
One day I told him it was my turn to carry the briefcase and his turn to wash the dishes. He said, “Silly–we can’t switch. Boys don’t wash dishes, and girls don’t go to work.”
Budding feminist that I was, I punched him in the eye.
Jan 18, 2010
Very sweet! My five-month-old, with his dimples and curly hair, has already been pegged as a heart-breaker. I hope I can raise him well enough to understand that this is not a good thing. Hearts are to be cherished.
Which is why I, also a Canadian, am delurking AND donated to Medicins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders).
Lorien´s last blog ..Five months and counting
Jan 18, 2010
When Scooter was in preschool, he almost always attracted some cute, blond-headed, older girl who would help him navigate social situations. I suppose the upside to having an Aspie is that he’s still pretty much oblivious to all of this. He also has a friend who has already convinced him that girls and girl things are icky. But I’m probably doomed when he runs into his first hard-core, nerd fangirl.
Mouse´s last blog ..Anxiety the second time around
Jan 19, 2010
The used iTunes gift card — lol!
My daughter (4 also) is always making cards for her friends. Although most of them are scotched-taped closed so much that the receiver can’t open it.
Jan 19, 2010
I didn’t manage to delurk on the proper day. Not here, not anywhere.
But…my son is in love. His first girlfriend. He’s 15 and she is almost 18. They are a good match and I really like her. But two nights ago they stood outside in the cold talking for nearly an hour. And when he came inside, it looked like he’d been crying. And maybe he had, but he explained that she’s having family problems (recently divorced parents). They, their relationship, is just fine. Which is great. But, really, it can’t last forever. I wouldn’t even want his first love to be his only love. But I dread his future pain, even while I’m overjoyed that he’s so happy now.
Jan 20, 2010
*delurk*
I say let the freaky love-flag fly. Because kids are getting weirder, and that is a wonderful thing. And because nobody will ever be able to hold Emilia back from being her own strange little self, even if at times it goes a bit untranslated.
*relurk*
Jan 23, 2010
delurk…
been loyal reader since around the time of your amnio wih Jasper, one of those “read about you on a post of a friend of a friend, etc.” LOVE LOVE your writing and stories. Thank you for the insights and laughter, and tears.
First love- kgarten (1978) teacher told my mom she’s never seen two five year olds so in love, and passionate about each other. (WHAT!?) and I distinctly remember smooching him and being the “initiator” of many of those, asking little boy for us to kiss for a long time like adults do (ie, I was quickly way past little pecks on the cheek/lips.) From there, I had about a 13 yr famine
until the next “serious” boy came along.
Now, I have a 4yr old boy and I don’t even want to think about it!
Good luck.
Janeen´s last blog ..Four Years and Seven Minutes Ago..
Jan 26, 2010
When I was 3, I was love with a 14 year old boy who attended our church. His name was (is) Mark, although I just called him That Blonde Haired Boy.
To this day, I’m amazed at his lack of idiotic-14-year-old-ness because when he went on a missions trip to Taiwan, he brought me back gifts. Which means he knew I was alive, and wanted to make me happy.
I remember feeling SO shy around him – unlike me. I remember the little leap my heart would give when I’d see him come around a corner or up some stairs.
I remember when he wanted to give me those gifts, being too shy to take them, and my mom wouldn’t take them for me, and sobbing and being so horrified that me not being brave enough to take the gifts would make him think I didn’t want or appreciate them.
When I think back to that incident and my sophisticated social thought process, I remember to give my toddler more credit.
Della´s last blog ..Monkey-rina
Jan 27, 2010
My first love was when I was about 4, as well, and we did get married in my living room. There are pictures.
And actually, our house burned down when I was 12, and those pictures disappeared. They were one of the things my mom was most disappointed about losing, so when she got duplicates from the boy’s mom (who happened to be one of my mom’s best friends), they went into the safe deposit box — where they still live today — so that they’d be safe until my real wedding, when they could make a grand appearance in the slide show.
Apparently I used to chase this boy around, yelling, “Come here, my sweetie!”
Pretty sure the wedding was all my idea (and I certainly planned it–including convincing his little brother to be the ring bearer and my little sister to be the flower girl), but at least he went along with it.
Alida´s last blog ..Best of all worlds
Jan 27, 2010
My four-year-old girl IS (she says) in love, kisses and all. On the lips. With probably the least cute boy in the class. Not a big deal. Does sound to me like you’re investing it with a little too much meaning here – your own meaning, not hers.