This Is The Way The World Ends, Not With A Bang, But A Haircut
This boy?
This wee, mop-headed baby boy is gone. With one careless, husband-directed trip to the hair salon, he is no more. He is now boy-boy. Again, only more so this time, so much more – I don’t know – Junior Banker, if Junior Bankers had front comb-overs, which I suppose some of them do:
I don’t think that my heart can stand this, all this change. Am I going to shatter every time that he gets a haircut? Am I going to fall to pieces every time one of his curls hits the floor of a SuperCuts and gets swept away by a hard-bristled broom?
He grows and he grows and he grows and every inch of him changes, every day, and I find myself resisting it, his movement forward, his journey up and out of babyhood, this journey that will take him through boyhood and through adolescence and beyond, ever further away from me, and ugh, this is how it starts, doesn’t it, the inevitable, terrible transformation of a mother into desperate, grasping creature of need, into a woman who cannot let go of her children, who cannot, especially, let go of her son, who wants to keep him clasped to her chest forever, always close, always hers, her baby?
Is this inevitable? Am I doomed to have my heart shattered endlessly? Am I going to turn into a desperate, clingy, salon-averse harpy who hisses at all who would take her child or her locks away from me? Will I be the worst mother-in-law in the history of the world, ever? I AM TERRIFYING MYSELF, GODS HELP ME.
Posted by Her Bad Mother on February 18, 2010
Filed under: Mush, jasper
Tags: haircut
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."What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." (Nietzsche, Aphorism 153, Beyond Good And Evil.) Not, unfortunately, beyond Dora dolls that shout 'WE DID IT!' when you step on them, but you learn to cope with that.
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© 2010 • Her Bad Mother • All Rights Reserved
Feb 18, 2010
Okay, that is one heavy poem to throw up as the title for this post! I remember in grade 12 having that as part of our English reading list and when I went back and read it tonight I laughed at all that I had obviously not understood then. (Spasm? – Definitely did not get that then.)
My son knocked his two upper front teeth out when he was two. A few days ago his first permanent tooth actually broke through in the spot which has remained empty for five years. I wept when he lost those teeth because it was going to be so long before I saw him with teeth again. And then, as these teeth appeared, I wept because I realized I was never going to see the smile with the baby teeth again. Somehow, for five years, I deluded myself into thinking I was going to see his sweet two-year-old face with baby teeth again. And now he is seven and my baby is gone…
Time passes so quickly now that we are adults. Our children grow at lightening speed and we say, “Stop, slow down, I need you to be just like this for longer, for ever.” But they don’t stop. They don’t slow down – and from the day they are born they seem to be pulling away from us. So, we watch them grow and rejoice and grieve at the same time. You are experiencing what every mother feels and not doing a better or a worse job of it. It just is that. Joyful and painful all at once. Clasp him to your breast. Hold on to him as tightly as you need to. You are teaching him about love and that will make you the best mother in law ever.
Big hugs.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:02 am
I was feeling kind of heavy
(and thank you 
)
Feb 18, 2010
So, I asked P what he thought would happen if he’d taken Ben for a haircut without discussing it with me first. He says, “Oh, you would have been fine with it as long as I brought you some curls.”
My eyes got very, very wide and I about fell over. Then informed him that the correct answer was he would have been looking for a good emergency room to get his hearing checked from the screaming that I would do.
I do totally understand. Because of the whole shaved head thing, Katie is just now starting to have, like, real girl hair. It’s kind of frightening.
Beth´s last blog ..WFMW: Trying Curriculum On For Size
Feb 18, 2010
when my nephew was born, my sister in law said, “i wouldn’t mind if he was gay; that way, i’d be the only woman in his life.”
you see? we all want to hold our boys close to us and be their main squeezes.
Feb 18, 2010
I cried when my little boy had his first haircut, at 12 months. He just seemed… so… older.
Andria Stanley´s last blog ..Day In The Life Of
Feb 18, 2010
My son had goldilock curls, long blonde ringlets from heaven……and then, one day, he told me “I wanna haircut. Eberybunny tinks I’m a gewl.” After I finally deciphered what the hell he was saying, I tried to ignore it. Until, finally, my husband suggested that we acquiece. So the man and the boy went off to the barber, and 2 men came back. That’s all there is to it. My baby was gone.
Now 9, he rocks a serious mohawk, and a ton of temporary tattoos, and marches around in baggy jeans and a white tank top. And I am OK with that. I miss the curls, but I love the little man.
Daffodil Campbell´s last blog ..So cold I can’t feel my toes – the perfect time for a pedicure !
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:04 am
I might not have minded so much if I’de come home to a mohawk. It’s the *bankerness* of the buzz cut that weirded me out, you know?
Feb 18, 2010
Little boy haircuts are the worst. Mine is 2.5 and it still makes him look SO FREAKING BIG when he gets a haircut. If it’s any consolation, your son is totally adorable.
Feb 18, 2010
I’ve thought about all of this too and can’t imagine my baby boy growing up and leaving me, even though inevitably that’s our job as mothers, to ultimately let them go. My babe hasn’t had a haircut yet (he’s almost 14 months) and won’t need one for a while but I know it’s going to be tragic for me when it happens! I never thought I’d be this way – not in a million years – but I can’t help it. It doesn’t help that he’s been independent since day one! But we have to enjoy each minute we have and somehow somewhere along the way prepare ourselves for when they sever ties (yeah right!)
BTW It’s totally understandable that the change is hard for you but if it helps any, your lil guy’s hair cut looks absolutely adorable!
Elizabeth´s last blog ..Will you be mine?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Thank you
Feb 18, 2010
I kept Max’s hair from his first haircut. It’s in an envelope upstairs, in my box of ’special stuff’. This box has the boys’ birth certificates and medical histories and the memorial book from my Dad’s funeral and my favourite wedding photo. This is the box that I take with me if I ever need to run out of a burning building.
I feel your pain and your panic. I look at those little blond curls in the envelope and I just ache – he had ‘big boy’ hair now and has no patience for floppiness. But I miss it.
WarsawMommy´s last blog ..I Weep For Rice Krispies
Feb 18, 2010
If its any consolation, he is an adorable little boy!
Amanda´s last blog ..Childhood Memories
Feb 18, 2010
My son is four and I refuse to cut his hair.
That means that his white blond hair — so unlike the dark hair both his father and I wear — trickles down in little curls to his shoulders, and falls in his eyes and requires much brushing, but I don’t care because I cannot stand the idea of cutting those locks.
I found out a few weeks ago that he and his father had discussed getting haircuts, and — in the two years since our divorce — this was probably the biggest fight we’ve had because he went ahead and made an appointment. After a fuming conversation I’ve agreed to let it be trimmed, but I am going to the salon with them and I have given extremely detailed instructions on what hairs may and may not be cut.
I don’t know what I’m afraid, if it’s some sort of Samson-like story where if he cuts his hair he won’t be him anymore, or if I’m just afraid of change, but I dread next Friday — the Day of the Cut — like you wouldn’t believe.
I am THAT mommy´s last blog ..Welcome to the circus inside my head …
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I wrote about exactly that – the Samson thing – last summer. I wondered if I was going through some kind of counter-Delilah experience, wherein I was *afraid* of depriving him of his power by cutting his hair. Which is crazy, I know, but still. You know
Feb 18, 2010
My oldest son is 17 and getting ready for college and yes, the heartbreaks are constant. BUT I’ve become convinced that the reason for the heartbreaks is to make room for my heart to expand so it can continue to hold my children as they grow and take steps out into the world. I’m sure it sounds corny – but it lets me sleep at night and keeps me from dissolving into a puddle of goo at the mere thought of September.
Karen´s last blog ..Half-Baked – The Musical
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:14 am
So I’m right that it never ends, then. AGH.
Feb 18, 2010
Yes, the answer is yes. Oh, it won’t always be the curls. It’ll be the facial hair, the loss of baby fat on the face, the first real girlfriend, the day he leaves for college…
When my son came home after being at that first semester of college, his neck was wider, his shoulders broader; he looked like a man. I wanted to cry.
Your little boy is beautiful. And Great hair!
Feb 18, 2010
Is it harder with boys than with girls? I remember my sadness, mixed with pride, when my baby girl got her blond curls cut off and immediately became a teenager (okay, I exaggerate, but still).
On the other hand, would you really want him to grow up looking like Celine Dion’s son? At some point, it really is just hair.
And anyway, Jasper is the cutest junior banker I’ve ever seen.
kootnygirl´s last blog ..spot
Feb 18, 2010
It’s just a haircut. Hair grows back. This is a tad dramatic, no?
Lacey Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
I don’t think it dramatic at all. She was not aware that the haircut was coming. It was done without her knowledge or consent, though not sneakily or with malice. It is a big deal for a boy to get his first haircut, she was not even afforded the opportunity to be present when it happened.
My son was 18 months old before I consented to let his hair be cut, I was present, I cried when he went from a baby boy to a little boy. It’s natural to be crushed by the reality of your baby no longer being a baby.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:16 am
I think that it’s a mother’s prerogative to be dramatic.
sue Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Clearly.
Feb 18, 2010
The first one is the worst. It gets better…
Annie @ PhD in Parenting´s last blog ..Why I check my stats and why you should too
Feb 18, 2010
Its exactly as you said every inch of him changes, however that does not mean he is drifting away from you. all boys drift for a moment but we always come back to our moms for their unconditional support, love and usually for a good meal (even if its purchased). I would wager you will get your heart broken but not endlessly. we tend to do that, sorry. But sons never forget their mothers and always need them, sometimes.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:17 am
This? What you just said? Helps a LOT.
Thank you.
Tammy Reply:
March 7th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
How beautifully said. Helps for me too, who spent a goodly part of a “nap” (you know, the thing you fake to get your 4 year old to sleep) memorizing the quality of the light on his face. ‘K, really, I am not obsessed, but I do feel the passage of time. And sometimes it makes my heart swell.
Tammy´s last blog ..Highways and byways: to Laramie via Laguna.
Feb 18, 2010
I remember my son’s first hair cut. I can’t remember who cried more. I too still have some of his curls in an envelope in my jewlery box, along with all his baby teeth.it gets easier with each consecutive cut. Now I do it myself with the buzzer and my cute little boy is now 7 and annoying, but still cute and still mine.
Feb 18, 2010
It will grow back and when he is about 16 or 17 he will grow it long an it will either make you swoon or want to drag him to the barber to get it cut. The changes they are a comin’
habanerogal´s last blog ..On Resolutions
Feb 18, 2010
I totally understand. My now 13 month old has the prettiest curl to his hair and I don’t want to cut it either. My husband is so wanting to get his haircut, but I’m not ready.
Feb 18, 2010
Oh, I feel your pain. I cringe every time my son goes to the barbershop with my husband. It is their special time together, so I don’t dare sneak him to a salon and have them cut it the way I want to, but…. I sure am tempted. Benjamin has BEAUTIFUL red hair, something that is unique about him. SO, when he came home one day with ALL of his hair cut off (a “burr”, we call it) – I was livid. My husband’s argument was that it was summer and this is how lots of little boys wear their hair, it would be cooler for him, etc. We haven’t had that again, but we’ve had several ‘flat top’ cuts. I beg him to just have it moderately cut everytime he goes…..sometimes he complies, sometimes not….
Feb 18, 2010
haircuts and little boys are serious business. i cried when my husband took my little one to get a ridiculous “business man” cut — and I promptly grew it back. I am the harpie you described — overly explaining to stylists that “I DO NOT want a military cut or business man cut — i just want you to trim the ends out of his eyes please.” They always know best.
because I don’t want him to grow up just yet — i am not ready for him to be a boy. a baby he is to me. time slips away — and it shouldn’t — as quickly as a haircut.
My son has no preference (other than to see), so this is something I don’t feel terrible about. His longish locks leave him looking like the baby he still is — instead of the boy he may one day be.
Stacey´s last blog ..Lazy/Cheap Mom Valentines
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:33 am
That was/is Jasper. Long locks – baby. Short locks – BOY.
sigh.
Feb 18, 2010
Thank you for this piece. I remember when we cut off my son’s ringlets. They never really came back. We did the deed ourselves, at home, and I’ve still got his hair in a box. (That sounds really weird now that I put it out there.) He’s 8 now and he’s a great kid. But I miss that baby….
Feb 18, 2010
The haircut kills me every time with lil man. I thought it would just be the first time but each time I hate to watch it fall. Hugs to you!
Feb 18, 2010
my boys are 7 and 11. i can still feel that rip in my heart when they got their hair cuts as toddlers. every time it aged them by a year, i swear. i hated it.
now i drag them in for haircuts and say, “dang it, sit down you look horrible”
but their are other things that kill me. you are right. it is just the beginning.
Slow Panic´s last blog ..Another Fascinating Post About My Life
Feb 18, 2010
[...] This Is The Way The World Ends, Not With A Bang, But A Haircut … [...]
Feb 18, 2010
I realize that I’m probably going to be exactly like this when I have a child, specifically (hopefully) a son. However, this post just made me think of how much my mother-in-law clings to my husband and his brothers whenever we go visit her. It makes me feel so unbelievably uncomfortable. Cut the cord.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 11:36 am
I think that I can keep the cord for a while longer. I mean, Jasper’s 21 months old. I might give it a few years.
Feb 18, 2010
sit next to me — i’ll be right there with you. (i’ve got 2 boys.)
Feb 18, 2010
I love my boy’s hair. He started big school a few weeks ago and almost immediately got head lice. Right now I’m contemplating shaving the lot of because, ew, head lice! Ah!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Yeah. I might be a little less upset if the hair cut was for the cause of STOPPING LICE. Ah, indeed!
Feb 18, 2010
doomed, yes. We are all doomed. Mom = doomed.
Sarah @ Smallslice´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
Feb 18, 2010
We just did this with mine this weekend. I knew it was time, it was me that made the appointment, and yet? I was devastated. When I dropped him off at daycare on Monday, everyone said, “Look how BIG he looks!”
I pretty much wanted to punch them all in the throat.
Feb 18, 2010
The Bun’s hair was so plentiful right from the start that I started cutting it when he was only a few months old – I actually really like the little boy hair, and it’s cute on Jasper here, too. But I DO know what you mean, it’s just that for me, it’s the sweet round cheeks. When those start to melt into a more defined facial structure, I am going to be a MESS.
kittenpie´s last blog ..Today
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
When the cheeks go, I will die.
Feb 18, 2010
I got emotional when I took my daughter for her first haircut. She had a mullet so something needed to be done but still they seem so much more grown up after.
Feb 18, 2010
That first haircut is so traumatic, at least for my boys. My husband would never dare to take any of my kids to get their first one without me! It so changes them! I have yet to get my girl’s haircut, even though she probably needs one. She can stay a baby a little longer, right?
Brenna´s last blog ..Love and stuff..
Feb 18, 2010
I feel ya on the sentiment, but not the hair thing. Haircuts never bothered me. I didn’t even keep any hair from my son’s first hair cut. It just wasn’t on my radar to be an issue. But the growing up? Oh, that I hate. God bless the woman who tries to take my son away from me. And I’m only half joking…
Tiffany´s last blog ..Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel
Feb 18, 2010
While I can’t speak for a boy’s first haircut, I cut my daughter’s hair for the first time just before Christmas (at nearly 16 months old). I spent a lot of time at Christmas telling my family that I couldn’t believe just how much she looked like a little girl and not a baby.
And that was just her bangs so she could see! I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to see such a complete change so unexpectedly.
melissa´s last blog ..Talking, climbing and kind of walking
Feb 18, 2010
wow, I SO get this one…
I’ve actually commented before on Jasper’s hair…I have a wee guy, just a bit older than Jasper and I had his haircut recently.
I was the one who planned it, executed it…and I STILL freaked the hell out when it happened.
In the morning he looked like THIS
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wordnerd/4243335274/
Then in the afternoon, he looked like THIS.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wordnerd/4280524912/
It’s been 3 weeks…am slowly recovering.
PS – He is still beautiful.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
***awwwww***
SO PRECIOUS.
Feb 18, 2010
the first cut is the deepest…
Alison´s last blog ..Shock and Awe
Feb 18, 2010
I am relieved that my daughter can have her hair as long as she wants. She is 3.5 and has never had a haircut. Well, the two errant curls that stuck out of the sides of her head when she was a baby and are now in a zip-lock bag don’t count. I’m thinking maybe she’ll get her first haircut for her fourth birthday and the thought of it is killing me already. My husband is more opposed to her first cut than I am!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Emilia didn’t get her hair cut until well after turning two, because it was so wispy. And yes, I choked up for that, too.
Feb 18, 2010
Aw, your little guy. The first haircut always made me wistful.
Funny thing, now my boy is almost 11 and he won’t cut his hair during hockey season. He is currently sporting awesome Farah-inspired wings on the sides. Even the mere suggestion of a trim earns us “the look.”
Janet´s last blog ..No Words
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:00 pm
I would love for either of my children to have Farrah wings in their hair. I would never ever let anyone cut it.
Feb 18, 2010
Do you know how gorgeous your son is? Pre-AND-POST hair-cut! But I get it. My 2 year old totally needs a haircut right now, and I can’t bring myself to take him… I love his long messy hair… sigh…
Loukia´s last blog ..Tips for a new mom
Feb 18, 2010
Oh, it’s AWFUL, their first cut, isn’t it? The hair they’ve had since birth being pruned away as though those snippets weren’t good enough. But they’re our babies, everything is good enough! Any part of their babydom that’s stripped is painstaking to witness (or, in your case, not witness). I am dreading my youngest’s first hair cut, which he is creeping up on needing. His hair isn’t curling like his siblings, sadly
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..My Kids Sleep Weird. Period.
Feb 18, 2010
I so feel your pain. Little Dude has his first haircut in December. He was 26 months and had a head full of curls. I put off the cut as long as possible, but every time I put a hat on him, he would cry and pull it off because the hat was pulling his hair. After the cut, there was that sudden transformation from baby to boy. I spent the next two days pouting over the loss of my baby boy and just staring at him, remarking how different he looked.
Now – two months later – I am used to his shorter hair. I’ll be OK when he goes in for his next hair cut. I’ve learned to accept that I’m a mom to a little boy and not a baby.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t stare wistfully at those baby pictures with the longer hair.
Crabby Mommy´s last blog ..State of Denial
Feb 18, 2010
My baby boy had glorious curly RED locks and his daddy made my get them cut off. I cried-like you, my baby was gone replaced by a boy! Now, within a month of getting his first car, I realize I have lost my boy to a big scary man beast grunting in his room…it hurts and makes me cry. But I love him even more than that first minute they handed me that little red-haired bundle-and I didn’t think that was possible! Enjoy him-he’s awesome!
Neen Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
MY sixteen year old told me the other day that his girlfriend and what she wanted came first in his heart. Ouch. Not that I blame him, she’s exactly the girl I always wished for him, (kind, samrt, funny, generous, thoughtfull, sweet, beautiful, gracefull….) but, still, Ouch.
He couldn’t have met her when he was 30 and I was a few more years away from his promise to always love me best and never leave me?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Is it wrong that I laughed out loud at that? I laugh because I KNOW.
Elizabeth (@claritychaos) Reply:
February 20th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
I relate to this – even though my hubby’s parents loved me from the start, my MIL had a really hard time when we were getting married (in the process of the events) because I think it was the first time she had to acknowledge she was no longer the #1 woman in his life, even though that shift had actually happened many years earlier.
Elizabeth (@claritychaos)´s last blog ..my poet
Feb 18, 2010
I don’t know. I think it’s hard to let go in any small way, because we know the big ways aren’t far behind it.
I find myself still rocking my 17 month old to sleep at night. I still let him have a bottle at night and in the morning. Not because he doesn’t use a cup all day just fine, but because I want to keep him tiny, for just a bit longer.
Issa´s last blog ..Two Valium and a bottle of wine…
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
“I think it’s hard to let go in any small way, because we know the big ways aren’t far behind it.”
Yes. EXACTLY.
Feb 18, 2010
No … it began months ago when you just barely made it to the hospital.
It continues with a haircut, and will continue for years to come. The changes don’t stop happening, and they often take you by surprise, often make you cry silently and in secret. They grow up, just as we did. They become little people, then big people.
Hold on while you can, and enjoy it while you can. Keep the memories, but savor the moment. It’s all we can do!
goofdad´s last blog ..You never forget your first
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:00 pm
*sigh* I know.
Feb 19, 2010
It’s a punch in the gut when any of your kids make a leap forward into that messy, foggy process of growing up. However, it is so much worse when it’s the LAST child. When it’s your last child, doors are closed and locked forever with each new milestone achieved or grown-up task mastered.
The only possible survival is to keep looking steadfastly forward. Avoid the fate of Lot’s wife as she gazed backward forlornly. I can only imagine what the mommy-equivalent of being turned to salt is.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
“The only possible survival is to keep looking steadfastly forward. Avoid the fate of Lot’s wife as she gazed backward forlornly. I can only imagine what the mommy-equivalent of being turned to salt is.”
Wisely said. I may need to borrow that analogy.
Feb 19, 2010
My children (both girls) break my heart every day. The fact that they can get their own juice boxes out of the refrigerator, the fact that my 5yo is thisclose to reading on her own, the fact that they go to daycare and school and have friends and a life outside of my arms.
I don’t know if(when?) it is harder or different when they are boys. Some days, I want to find out and some days I think my heart cannot take the shattering either.
red pen mama´s last blog ..Twitter-ish
Feb 19, 2010
I may be a bit alone here (or a bad mother), but I celebrate these stages more than mourn them. My life changed for the better when my twins (now 5) started opening up the minivan door, climbing in, and putting on their own seat belts.
I adore long hair on boys, but my son has straight semi-lifeless hair so he looks far better in a banker cut.
I think any change in life requires a goodbye and a hello; it is the same with the stages our children pass through. However, even though I’ve rambled, I loved Jon’s comment above. I do hope my son (whom my husband sometimes calls Oedipus) will always need his mom, just a wee bit.
Ironic Mom´s last blog ..Tantrums and Knuckleheaded Parenting Ideas
Her Bad Mother Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Celebrating the stages, yes – well said, and such good advice. But I’ll be wiping away some tears during the celebrating.
Feb 19, 2010
I came home from a 10 day vacation to find that my baby boy was now taller than I am and his voice was cracking.
My heart fell and shattered into a thousand pieces when I had to look up a bit into his eyes. It crystallized anew when he hugged me tight and whispered how happy he was that I was home.
He’s 14 and I see the soft blond hair that used to curl around his cheeks in my hearts memory even while he rubs his hand over his super short crew cut and tells me he needs a hair cut.
It is growth.
Catootes´s last blog ..olympic figure skating scoring surely is a befuddling mess
Feb 19, 2010
a haircut?! we are talking big boy underwear over here! my first born, whose little bum i cradled as he was put to my breast mere seconds after he was born. in big boy underwear! little briefs! the ball is rolling now towards the inevitable hairy man butt in a pair of old boxers with the elastic band shot! my baby boy! it is too much to bare, I mean bear.
Feb 19, 2010
When my son was 6 weeks old, my husband took him and got his hair cut. It was a regular jarhead thing and never repeated.
Boy children are different. With girls, we’ve been through girlhood ourselves, we know what’s coming, we accept it more. But with a boy child, it seems more painful to see them turn from cuddly bliss to one of those hairy, spitting, farting, incomprehensible creatures we call “men”. I think we tend to cling more to the babyness of our sons. I feel your pain, Catherine, but he’s still a gorgeous baby.
Feb 20, 2010
Once I got past the 1st haircut, which really seems to take the baby away, I am actually all for the kiddy haircuts, especially for PP.
It would take very little prodding from her to get me to take her to Supercuts for the Suri Cruise bob, mostly because she is so reluctant to have her hair washed and combed and brushed on any regular basis.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..Friday Foodie- Pork Tenderloin
Feb 20, 2010
I have a question – is it especially with a son? Or is it especially with the baby of the family? Because I only have boys, so I don’t know differently…but I don’t seem to have as much of a problem with my firstborn (6.5) moving on to the next stage, maybe a little more a hard time with the middle boy (3.5), and the wee one (14 months)?? Oh, I am in complete denial that he’s not still a baby. Like an infant. Even though he was walking at 8 months and considers himself a full participant in the boy-pack.
So what do you think? Sons? Or baby? Whatever it is, I feel you. When I first had my first son, I thought – oh…I’m going to have to be some poor girl’s mother-in-law! It is hard to let go. But I’m with you on not wanting to turn into that pathetic needy woman who babies her 25 year old son.
HELP! (:P)
Elizabeth (@claritychaos)´s last blog ..my poet
Judy Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:36 am
I can’t tell you if it’s sons or babies, because my son IS the baby – the one born after two daughters and a long spell with several miscarriages. Oh yes, babied!
I do know, thought, that there is more of a feeling of discovery with a boy. We’re used to the feminine growth patterns, and somehow it seems strange to have one of those Other Creatures as our child. There’s a special something between a mother and a son.
Feb 21, 2010
I get what you are saying, but somehow I’ve never really had that feeling. I think it is super-cute whenever my 16 month old gets a trim and looks a little more like Mark Harmon.
And I truly relish all the little steps he takes toward independence. But maybe that is because I see the relationship that my husband has with his parents. (like Jon mentioned above). When I was traumatized by childbirth and my son was in the NICU, my husband put me to bed and called to cry to his Mom. He didn’t want to break down in front of me – but felt safe venting to her. And his parents rushed right over to give him a shoulder to cry on. I know that my son will always always be my baby boy – even when he is big enough to rock me instead of me, him.
Or maybe it is just because I can’t wait for him to go to school so I can have some time to myself!!
I know that platitudes don’t help, but I do think that the tighter you hold onto someone, the more they try to escape.
Good luck with your struggle – you are a lovely mommy and your boy will appreciate it for the rest of his life (probably once he turns 30).
Feb 21, 2010
My boys are 17 & 11. Yikes! Did I just admit that? Yes I did!!! They grow up so fast. So, so, so fast! And sorry the bittersweet never stops. I cried when my oldest got his 1st cut at 2, definitely understand. I took the power in my hands with my youngest and learned to cut hair. Now I cut all my kids’ hair and I have 5 of them …. hahaha.
Feb 22, 2010
Oh, I feel your pain!
A week before my second child was born, my mom took my three-year-old for an overnight to let me get some good sleep. When I went to pick her up the next day, her waist-length honey-brown curls had been lopped off in a cute, chin-length bob.
Proof that Mom knew she was in trouble? In the two hours since the haircut, she’d had a dozen before-during-after photos printed and put into a little book, and also saved all the hair trimmings.
I said, “Thanks mom. Next time you’re going to take my firstborn child for her first haircut, could you at least let me know so I can come along?”
She said, “I knew you’d never agree to it.”
Um…
Then I went home and CRIED. I’ve never quite forgiven her.
But it turns out she was right. Those beautiful curls were a beautiful pain in the ass. We fought about washing and brushing them almost every day. I still miss them, but I’ve kept the girl’s hair short ever since.
I realized that she had been starting to avoid certain types of play because her hair would get tangled or dirty and then she’d have to *gasp*horror*scream* wash it and let it be brushed.
She has a whole lifetime to learn the “too pretty play rough” tropes. I don’t need to help drive that lesson home with her hairstyle.
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Feb 22, 2010
I have loved, loved, loved my two children. I have been a stay at home mum, and relished the role.
My two are now 22 and 19, one about to finish university (and going to work abroad), and one about to start.
I went through a period of adjustment, and I have to say, that now, I cannot wait for the next stage of life without always putting my children first.
20 odd years of being focused on them is a long enough job for anyone.
The pleasure I get from seeing them as adults who have turned out better than I could ever have dreamed, is payment enough.
It’s my turn now!
Feb 26, 2010
[...] something vaguely ironic about the fact that I am championing haircuts for girls just days after flipping out over haircuts for boys, but that had nothing to do with gender and everything to do with OH GOD MY BABY IS GROWING UP SAVE [...]
Feb 27, 2010
I understand. My 12 month old son’s hair is getting long. I don’t think it’s terrible long, just starting to curl over his ears. In the past few weeks everyone has been commenting on “how looong” it’s getting, and with that the implied suggestion to cut it.
I can’t. I won’t.
I think baby boys like delicious and teeny with their long, fine curls and he won’t be this way for long. As soon as he gets a haircut it’s like you said, he’ll be a boy. So, I’m going to hold on to my baby just a little bit longer.
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