May 2011

Why I Should Really Never Be Allowed Out Of The House, Ever

May 31, 2011

Here’s a little public service announcement: if you are a mom with a new baby, and you see me in public, you should steer clear of me, because I will terrorize you. Keep reading…

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This One Goes Out To The Mom I Love

May 29, 2011

Happy birthday, Mom. You are, and always have been, and always will be, the best mom ever, the mom whose momness I will always aspire to emulate, the mom who taught me how to laugh, who taught me how to love, the only mom, my mom, you. Love you.

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Why I Love My Mom (And Hate My Toes)

May 22, 2011

My mom sent me this email yesterday, for my birthday. It caused me to miss her, badly, and also to spend a solid twenty minutes ruminating on the singular unattractiveness of my toes.

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Cannonball

May 20, 2011

“All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.” – Henry Miller Unless you’re a small child, in which case all growth is a leap into the sunshine, a spontaneous and unpremeditated act without benefit of experience that is undertaken with the full and unwavering knowledge that wherever [...]

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Life List #17

May 20, 2011

Sometimes, you’re just hanging out at a luau, trying to get your toddler to eat some pineapple, when all of a sudden some man in a loincloth grabs you by the arm and throws a lei around your neck and pulls you up onto a stage where a lady in a coconut bra wraps a [...]

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They Say It’s His Birthday

May 18, 2011

It’s Jasper birthday today. He’s three. Don’t tell him that, though. Me, this morning: “Is it your birthday today, Jasper? Happy birthday!” Jasper: “No, Mommy, not my birthday. YOUR birthday.” He’s close: my birthday is just a couple of days away. Still, you’d think that the child would be kinda pleased about having a birthday. [...]

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On The Road Again

May 16, 2011

It always seems like a good idea, when the opportunity arises, to take my kids on trips with me. This week, in particular, it seemed like a fantastic idea: take the kids and the long-suffering husband to Universal Orlando to hang out with some other social media families and drink Butterbeer and shriek accio twitter [...]

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Baby, You’re A Firework

May 14, 2011

I know, I know: if you’ve seen one video of small children dancing, you’ve seen them all. But these are my children, and one of them is wearing only sunglasses and a diaper and it is cute, dammit, even if it does turn a little bit violent at the end. So hell yeah, I’m going [...]

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Eichmann On The Playground

May 12, 2011

There’s nothing like being away from home and getting a text from your spouse that says call me as soon as you can. It’s about Emilia, he says when I call. What about Emilia? I don’t know what the right words are to express, here, how shrill my voice was. ‘Shrill’ works decently well, I [...]

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Amazing Psychic Wonder Toddler Sees All

May 9, 2011

The old saying that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ has always struck me as really misleading. Most pictures you can describe in, like, 140 characters, otherwise why would there be TwitPic and Instagram? And anyway, why ‘a thousand’? If that number is meant to signify ‘lots,’ it kind of misses the mark. A [...]

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