emilia

A Fart Is A Wish Your Bum Makes

November 13, 2010

Tomorrow, Emilia turns five. Tonight, she said to me, “Mommy, tomorrow I will be five. I hope I don’t toot at my party.” “Toot?” “You know, when your poo blows, and it makes a noise.” “Oh.” “If I toot at my party, I’m going to say that a unicorn did it.” That girl knows how [...]

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Obligatory Post-Halloween Costumed Offspring Photos And Random Thoughts On Pumpkins And Impiety

November 1, 2010

No, Emilia is not dressed as Jesus. That would have been pretty funny, but I still have enough of a hangover from years of being raised Catholic that I would worry about being smited (smote?) (smitten?) for impiety. She was a cave girl, via Jasper’s Bam Bam costume, which he rejected in favor of last [...]

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On Freaks And Geeks And Princesses, And Why Lady Gaga Is More Like Jesus Than You Think

October 13, 2010

Last week, Emilia went to school in a Snow White costume. She wore it with striped leggings and her hot pink skate shoes, the ones with the sparkly laces, and also a baseball cap. “I’m not really a princess, Mommy,” she informed me, “I just like this dress.” Which summarizes her approach to fashion more [...]

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Make A Joyful Noise

October 11, 2010

Giving thanks today, because, seriously, life is really pretty awesome, notwithstanding the bullshit that we sometimes get distracted by, and also because someone else is making the turkey. And because I have the luxury of measuring daily happinesses against the amounts of random bullshit that I need to cope with and whether or not someone [...]

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The Temptation Of Eve

October 8, 2010

Emilia contemplates an apple* in the abandoned orchard at the Samuel Wilmot Nature Area. From the looks of it, prelapsarian fruit** was probably not all that impressive.*** *I know, Eve was probably tempted by a fig, and not an apple, but the apple has kind of stuck in Western versions of the story, and there [...]

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The Chief Danger Of The Time Is Actually Jersey Shore, But Let’s Not Quibble

October 6, 2010

That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of the time. — John Stuart Mill, On Liberty. (Photographosophy, Princess Dresses Are So Eccentric, When They’re Paired With Skate Shoes And A Ball Cap And Worn To Kindergarten Edition.) (Am so sick, am dying of sinus explosion, please kill me now because [...]

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Don’t Poke The Bear

September 13, 2010

I’m cranky. I haven’t slept in three days, I’m having a bad reaction to my travel vaccines, and yesterday I thought I lost my iPhone. So, I feel how she – Emilia, above, interrupted in the middle of an ice-cream break – looks: like an angry carny who’s just discovered someone’s been messing with her [...]

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Why Plants Are Easier To Raise Than Children

September 10, 2010

Plants are shaped by cultivation and men by education. .. We are born weak, we need strength; we are born totally unprovided, we need aid; we are born stupid, we need judgment. Everything we do not have at our birth and which we need when we are grown is given us by education. — Jean [...]

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Summer Is A State Of Mind

September 7, 2010

It’s still summer, right? It’s still hot, and school hasn’t started, and there’s a pair of white capris hanging in my closet that I haven’t yet had an opportunity to wear. So. I’m just going to go ahead and declare this week pre-autumn and anyone who has a problem with that can take it up [...]

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A Rock Is Not Necessarily A Hard Place

September 3, 2010

Like mother, like daughter.

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