Woe, Is Me

March 17, 2010

I get hate mail. Not as much as Dooce, I’m guessing, but enough. I get hateful e-mail – and comments, and Facebook messages, and tweets – about how depressing I am, about how I’m exploiting my children, about how I whine too much, about how I’m encouraging women to take anti-depressants and so contributing to the global drug problem, about how it’s terrible and selfish of me to look for my long-lost brother, about how nobody wants to hear about my Frankenvulva, about how I’m setting the feminist movement back by complaining about motherhood, about how I should just stop writing about my grief over the death of my father already, about how I only write about Tanner to get attention for myself, about how I’m an attention-whore who really should just shut up already, because, please.

I get correspondence that addresses one or another or some combination of those issues and others left unmentioned with some regularity. It’s why I sometimes close comments; it’s why I sometimes just don’t look at my e-mail: because I know that at some point I’m going to read something really hateful. Something like this:

You seem to love to play the role of martyr. The world is always out to get you, whether it’s for nursing, having a blog, neglecting your kids, or just generally “being”, right? It’s always someone else’s fault, according to you. Your “woe is me” tone is getting pretty sickening. Woe is you because you don’t get enough sleep. Because your kids drive you to “need alcohol” regularly. Because there’s not enough Ativan in the world. Because your girly bits got mangled giving birth. Because your husband finally had the brains to cut his son’s hair so he didn’t look like a daughter. OH EM GEE, ITS ZE END OF THE WORLD.

But then on the other hand, you try to champion for women’s rights, and how women are strong and awesome. Except you whine all the damn time. Your kids are your constant source of whining; that is, until someone insults motherhood and then you’re ready with a pitchfork and torches because you’re so proud of it. How are you proud of something you constantly bitch about?

You capitalize on your kids, there’s no way around that. You use them for your own financial gain, just like you did when your dad died. Let’s see the revenue jump from blog ads when people were coming to your blog when that post went up. Never mind that you didn’t take care of him when he was alive. Never mind that he was alone when he died. How many days did he lay there alone? But you miss him so much, right? And love him so much? Yeah, as long as it makes you money.

And your project for your dying nephew is just as bogus. “Tutus for Tanner”? FYI: Tanner’s a boy. You really went with tutus? [ed. note: Tutus for Tanner is not my project, although I do whole-heartedly support it, obviously]  Oh right, its all about you, not him. And then your first idea is to take your kids and your friend and her kid down to Disney, without the boy this is supposedly all “for,” all on someone else’s dollar in the name of your nephew? You want to do something to help your dying nephew? Drive yourself out THERE to see him with your kids. Raise money to help with research for a cure. [ed. note: donations to organizations I'm supporting with 100 Miles For Tanner can be made at the project's main page] But that’s not as fun, right? That’s not Disney and sparkles and tutus with your kids for free, so why do it?

You honestly make me sick. Keep making money off your dead dad, your dying nephew and your kids. Keep taking trips for free while your 15 minutes are still here, because eventually, people are going to see the scum money grubbing famewhore that lies underneath the fake exterior, and you’ll be yesterday’s news. Here’s hoping that’s sooner than later. Go take another Ativan, cause that’s how you cope, right?

God, it’s awesome being a mom-blogger.

You wonder why I get testy about mom-bloggers – about women who blog, generally, who share their stories and open up the space of discourse for these narratives, for our narratives – being dismissed or belittled or snickered at or even just being called ‘charming’? Because of this. Because I am not alone in this. Because, for some reason, us telling our stories – us telling those stories, us making a living telling those stories – is regarded by some – many? – as vile and reprehensible and toxic and because those some – those many? – would have us shut up. Because as women, as mothers, as women-who-are-mothers and women-who-are-not-mothers, we are still denied a voice by those who think that our stories should only be shared behind closed doors, behind the veil of privacy, in secret, in whispers.

Because this sucks, that anyone thinks that it’s okay to tell any one of us what kinds of stories we can tell, and how, and under what terms. Because although one might think that hate mail is just what comes from exposing one’s life in the public sphere, that someone like me should be prepared to just suck it up as part of the cost of doing this, of telling these stories, I say no, no, it’s not; no, it shouldn’t be; no, I shouldn’t have to. I think that it’s sexist and it’s hateful, and it doesn’t matter whether that kind of mail comes more from women or from men – I’m pretty sure that this one came from a woman – it’s still a sign of a bigger problem, of a more serious ill.

Our voices aren’t free so long as we’re subjected to hate when we raise them. But I don’t know what to do, other than to keep writing, and to keep taking the blows, and to hope that I – that all of us – can outlast and outspeak the hate.

Is that enough?

(My reaction to the Tanner-specific hate is over at Their Bad Mother. I’ll just say here that this came at a bad time, and that there were many tears last night.)

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    { 254 comments }

    absepa March 18, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    I don’t understand people. On any given day, I read about 20-30 blogs. Sometimes, a blogger starts to annoy me, or I lose interest in the story they are telling, or I discover that their opinions about a particular subject are so divergent from mine that I just can’t read them anymore. When that happens, I don’t send hate mail…I just stop reading. Why do people feel the need to unload on someone like that writer did to you? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

    I’m not a mom, but I am a blogger (with a really small readership), so I can imagine that it must be very difficult to deal with responses like this on a regular basis. It makes me feel bad for you. I’m sorry that people treat you that way.

    Jacquie March 18, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    Way down here, are you still reading? I haven’t read through all of these comments, but my Lord, what a tragic waste of energy for someone to pen all of that. I just do not understand why someone would get so caught up in righteous indignation over things that have no relevance to their own life. Why? It can only have one intention: to hurt. I’m sorry that it worked.

    Judy March 18, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    The whole thing just pisses me off. If they don’t like what you write then don’t read it!! I find you refreshing. Keep being open and honest….your good at it!!

    Brandee Dowall March 18, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    What the hell is wrong with some people? What has made this person such a vile, hateful, human being? Is their life so damn shitty that they have to try to berate and belittle somebody else? Really??

    I blog, I am proud of my kids, but I have every right to bitch and whine now and then. It’s part of the job. What sane person doesn’t rant now and then about their kids pouring chocolate syrup all over the dog or whatever, and to attack you about your intentions regarding your nephew? Despicable!!

    I am sorry that you had to endure such a vicious attack regarding your character. If this person doesn’t appreciate your humour, opinion, or feelings then why are they reading your blog?

    Hater March 18, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    I basically can’t agree with the conclusion to your post, because while it might – and I stress only might – be easy to get a broad consensus that certain kinds of statements are “hateful”, there are many more that are in a gray area. I’m not saying that makes them alright, necessarily: there are some things that I’m certain are hateful but I’m equally convinced others don’t see that way; and there some things I’ve said that I was convinced weren’t hateful that I’m equally aware others heard that way. Other times I’m really not sure. Other times it seems to come to down to “who started it”, but then the problem of an infinite regress of responsibility sets in. Bottom line I think is that if you say that “our voices aren’t free so long as we’re subjected to hate when we raise them”, you’re obviously also saying that other voices shouldn’t be free, but those voices won’t necessarily see themselves, or be seen by others, as hateful, and so they will at that point only hate all the more righteously. Not to mention the fact that while hateful comments are certainly troubling, people will often be more deeply wounded by less hateful, but no less incisive, criticisms – precisely because those can’t be written off as merely “hateful”, but at the same time can cut much more deeply. So then is the issue simply “hate” or feeling “free” to speak (in which case a lot of non-hateful, but deeply critical, commentary might have to be ignored or censored or stigmatized). What’s the point of all my ramblings? Well, not much to do with most of your post, really. Just as far the conclusion goes, I’m not at all convinced that invoking “hate” as a (negative) discursive standard gets us anywhere. I don’t have a good solution myself. I think its just a problem, and one which the internet has probably brought to the fore.

    Mama Kat March 18, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    You mean exploiting children with cancer can get my family to DISNEYLAND!?! I mean really, why isn’t everyone signing up for this!?!

    What an asshat.

    Jennifer Martin March 18, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Hi Catherine,
    I just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your blog. In fact, I think that your blog is one of the better Mummy blogs out there. I find that it is an honest, truthful approach to motherhood. People who leave comments like the one you posted have too much time on their hands.
    Keep up your great blogs! I want to hear more about your running, too. Once again, you should join us for a long run Sunday mornings at the North York Running Room

    Her Bad Mother March 18, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    I really should join you. When do you run? Early?

    Jennifer Martin March 19, 2010 at 10:51 am

    8:30 Sunday mornings at the North York Running Room (two blocks North Sheppard. Let me know in advance when you are coming. If that’s too early (as I know you live a distance from TO) we could arrange another run.

    Rach March 18, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Catherine,

    I’m not a mom nor a blogger, but I read your blog because your work is well-written, interesting, funny, thought-provoking. I don’t agree with every single opinion you have, but I don’t feel the need to send you emails belittling you when I disagree, because I am normal. And I appreciate you.

    And that, Hater (the one who just commented, not the terrible email writer), is what is, yes, always hateful, constructs and relativism aside. Blasting an email out into the world with the purpose of hurting and belittling the author of this blog, or anyone, is not discourse. The writer wasn’t trying to debate or let Catherine know about different points of view. She was just being a dick, and that’s not free speech. It’s harrassment. I’m not saying that kind of behavior should be criminalized or anything, but it is wrong, because it violates the one moral all religions and creeds seem to espouse, that you don’t intentionally cause harm to another.

    Hater March 18, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    I sort of agree with you and sort of not. Basically, I agree with your characterization of the e-mail in question. However, I would say that even “intentionally causing harm” is a gray area: I mean, we’ve all probably had to say things we knew would deeply hurt people we deeply cared about. And at a more distant level, consider the massive power that certain film or theater reviewers have historically had, and yet how acerbic some of their writing was – they certainly knew the immense effect they could have on the lives and psyches of the people they wrote about, but they did it anyway. Same goes for much literary criticism (which is usually written by other writers), some academic work. Again, I’m not saying that it’s directly comparable to the e-mail in question. Personally, if I were to criticize that e-mail I would just say that the writer was wrong for assuming so much – even if you disagree with what Catherine is doing (which I don’t at all), it’s obviously specious to make such inferences about someone’s motives.

    Erin March 18, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Why do they read your blog if they hate you so much? A normal person would stop reading and leave it at that. These are not normal people. These are people who tear other people down to build themselves up. And unfortunately the internet is such a great forum for spineless people like them. These people are so ridiculous — they don’t deserve a second thought.
    .-= Erin´s last blog ..That’s my ‘Who ate all the Cocoa Puffs?!’ face =-.

    Gina March 18, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    People are assholes. But not all of us. You might get hate mail, but remember there are many more that respect and appreciate your writing.
    .-= Gina´s last blog ..Playing Favorites =-.

    Lona @ I am THAT mommy March 18, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Wow. It’s funny because I wrote a post today about hate mail I received regarding how I dress my child. I was annoyed/mildly amused by it, but then I read YOUR hate mail, and WOW.

    People who attack others, for whatever reason, are people who are fundamentally unhappy in ways that have nothing to do with you. Look at the love and respect you receive by other women, and for the haters? I’d tell ‘em to go fuck themselves.

    Because I’m mature like that.
    .-= Lona @ I am THAT mommy´s last blog ..Go ahead and laugh, you know you want to. =-.

    Julie March 18, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    Hi, I read and enjoy your blog and your tweets. I don’t understand people who are cruel and vindictive, especially when the choice is theirs to read or not. I really appreciate your writing, will try to be better about commenting. Julie

    patois March 18, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    I’ve heard it said that you know you hit the big time when you start getting real hate mail and trolls. Is it any wonder I like the little time?

    Sorry that people who are like that feel the need to share.
    .-= patois´s last blog ..I Should Go into the Recommendation Letter Writing Business =-.

    Haley March 18, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    I don’t get where that kind of cruelty comes from…but it’s definitely not a good place.

    I’m so sorry you had to read that Catherine.

    In the end, I think it boils down to others feeling threatened, jealous, bitter, sad, lonely, etc… and then feeling the need to take it out on someone who is asserted and brilliant, while being openly flawed (and comfortable with it).

    I think some people are just really bothered by the fact that we can be completely honest about our lives, even when we’re unsure of ourselves.

    I for one think you are awesome.

    ((HUGS)) to you lady. Keep writing.

    You inspire me daily. :-)
    .-= Haley´s last blog ..You Capture – Reaching =-.

    Mary @ Holy Mackerel March 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Wow! You know, I totally agree with freedom of speech. However, people like that, who have nothing but hatred inside them, should be put away somewhere where they can grovel in their own filth.

    Big hugs to you.

    elz March 18, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    I never understood how bad the hate mail/comments are until I talked with some of the “big” bloggers at Mom 2.0. I am shocked that people would spend time to be hateful and spiteful. Why? For what purpose? I keep going back to the old addage “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was excited to tell you in person and am still excited to tell you that your words are powerful and beautifully written. Thank you.
    .-= elz´s last blog ..Love Thursday-Love Cooks! =-.

    Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting March 18, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    What the hell ever happened to “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” To have taken the time to have written such an awful, hate-filled email. The thing that concerns me so much is how much they know, how much they filled that awful email with, because it’s quite apparent they read your every post – why bother if they hate you so much?

    Unreal. I’m so sorry.
    .-= Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..Brand New Again =-.

    Tasha March 18, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Nothing but love for you, honey, nothing but love. Keep your chin up.
    .-= Tasha´s last blog ..Pesto Tortellini with Chicken and Veggies =-.

    Susannah March 18, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    Jesus Fack, that was harsh. I have gotten a smidgeon of that which sends me straight into a fetal position in bed. I am so sorry there are such angry creeps out in the world.

    Peace, love & almost Friday!
    S
    .-= Susannah´s last blog ..Luche Libre =-.

    Blue March 19, 2010 at 12:11 am

    Delurking? maybe? Can’t remember if I have commented before…but in any case, those haters deserve to be deleted, ignored, dumped. If people want to find something to criticize, they will. I read your blog because it is full of Good Things.
    Love. Humanity. Humor. Thank you for all of it–for telling it like is and letting people know that they are not alone and for continuing in spite of the hate mail.

    Color Kiddies March 19, 2010 at 6:59 am

    We are drawn repeatedly towards angsty and angry posts for one of three reasons. 1) We genuinely want to “be there” for the person; 2) Because we want to believe our own lives aren’t so bad; or 3) We want to get so riled up about something to channel the hate we feel inside ourselves.

    ella March 19, 2010 at 9:16 am

    oh god, it’s hard to understand why some people feel so much hate. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with such anger and bitterness.

    Michelle M March 19, 2010 at 9:44 am

    I wanted to let you know (via hate free comment) that I linked to this post in a new post I wrote.

    For you, for the others, I am going to try, very hard, to not use that H word anymore…
    .-= Michelle M´s last blog ..Wipe your ass, then wipe this out from your life =-.

    Dara March 19, 2010 at 11:24 am

    I came via Most/Least when Ella mentioned her own attack mail. I guess I haven’t been blogging long enough to draw the hater’s attention yet. But I have received some really nasty comments and emails as a result of a weekly parenting column I write. In fact, my very first column prompted some totally off-the-wall responses. People who comment online or send emails like this are just lonely people looking for some attention. They’re jealous of you and the attention you get. And this particular person is obviously jealous of the money he/she imagines you make in truckloads from your blog.
    How come no one has accused Oprah of capitalising on her fat (oh, wait, they probably have) or Sidonie Smith of capitlising on women’s or colonial opression? Or how about those wish kids that aren’t actually dying, just really sick, getting those free trips to Disney where they get to skip lines? Why doesn’t anyone attack them? Perhaps because it’s foolish and ridiculous and only truly wretched people would do so.
    Anyway, I hope you didn’t waste your time responding.
    There are people out there who really feel they are better than everyone else; when you show them through your efforts and success that you might be better at something than them their only response is to try to tear you down. Why do you think King of the Castle is such an enduring childhood game.
    Anyway, this is my first time here and I love your blog. Thank you for contributing in this way to our collective experience.

    Erratic Traveller March 19, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    I’m a 22 year old, with no children, working in New York City. My days are very different from yours. But I read your blog, not because you’re a mother, but because you’re a person with thoughts about this world we live in that I like and agree with. Because you make me think about things I wouldn’t normally, and shed light on things that used to be in the dark for me.

    And this world we live in happens to includes children and mothers and fathers and that’s important. So it’s worth writing about. I’m sorry you get hate mail. But when I look at someone who hates me, I try and see the many faces that love me. Because, even though it’s so easy for me to forget, those people are there. Thanks for writing this blog: you’re courageous and maybe my hero.

    Helena March 19, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    I just don’t get it. Reading blogs is a choice. There are millions to choose from, so why bother reading one you don’t like? Your blog is your space to say whatever the hell you want to say. And no one has to read it.
    .-= Helena´s last blog ..Featuring You! =-.

    Rachael March 19, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    I just don’t get why people choose to spend their time on such negativity. Do these people not realize that they can spend their time doing other things? Like reading material they DO enjoy, or talking and befriending people they DO like? If you don’t like someone, why even bother. I just don’t get it. (Hugs)

    English Mum March 19, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Bit late to this party, judging by the comments above. Like the others, I think the criticism you have received is vile. The only thing I would say is remember you have a delete button. As soon as you realise it’s something hateful, delete delete delete. Don’t read it, just ignore it and delete it. I’m so sorry you’re upset. Your ‘normal’ readers think you’re fab, believe me xx

    Rita March 19, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    I wish I could add some new words that could erase that vile person’s horrible words.

    I have never found one bit of whining in any of your posts. I found your blog just prior to you losing your father and found your writing fascinating.

    I love the stories of your kids and it has always been evident that they have helped you find a bit of joy through a horrible grieving time.

    No one who has experienced a significant loss could stand in judgment of your grief. It took me 3 years after my father passed away before I felt anywhere near normal.

    For every one of those kinds of stupid emailers, you reach 10 other people and touch them with your magical words.

    I pray you find peace regardless of the evil that some people thrive on.
    .-= Rita´s last blog ..Just Call Me Bruce =-.

    Habitual March 19, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    Well…. as dooce once said to someone else struggling with this crap: It’s not about you, it’s all about them.

    That’s as simple and precient as it gets. I don’t even know if it’s worth thinking about the “why would someone do this”…. because you’ll drive yourself crazy.

    It’s all about them.

    Keep doing what you’re doing.
    .-= Habitual´s last blog ..Marble Stains. =-.

    statia March 19, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    I went through fertility treatments to conceive my son. I STILL bitch about how crazy he makes me sometimes. And I take Ativan and drink a beer a night, just to calm my fucking nerves from the sheer energy it takes to get through a day with two small kids.

    I guess that makes me a shitty parent too.
    .-= statia´s last blog ..Under things, tumbling =-.

    Ginger March 20, 2010 at 1:01 am

    Hey, I am late to the party too but I wanted to chime in to say keep doing what you do so well. I find your blog more thought provoking than most, which is why I keep coming back. I hope all these positive comments are providing you some comfort, because you deserve it.
    .-= Ginger´s last blog ..Hannah goes wild but does not take off her shirt =-.

    Karen March 20, 2010 at 1:04 am

    Oh DUDE. I was in your town today, only briefly, and thought about calling – now I wish I did. I’m so sorry this shit gets dumped on you. I’m here if ever you need anything – even if it’s a boozy girl’s night at my house, which is majorly overdue. xo
    .-= Karen´s last blog ..{Mildly NSFW} If You Didn’t Already Know What a Merkin Is…You Are Welcome =-.

    BMom March 20, 2010 at 10:14 am

    I’d love to see what this particular individual posts on their blog. Or do they even have a blog? Because come on – is their life all sunshine and rainbows all the time? Do they carefully script their page so that life appears happy and never a complaint? I don’t have a blog because I’m not as good at being open/sharing like this (and just plain stink at writing, as you can see by this rambling comment). Instead, I read several blogs and I enjoy what I read, the diversity amongst the many pages I read. But the one common thing I enjoy with each of the blogs I read? The honesty about day to day life, whether on hard or easy subjects. If I did have a blog, it wouldn’t be able to be all happiness and joy every day because that’s not REAL LIFE. Motherhood can be hard – you write that honestly. Death is brutal – you write that honestly. Such is life.

    I’ll end with what I say each and every time I read some letter like that one you posted. WHY do they read your blog/any blog they dislike then? Don’t read it then! That’s the entire point of these blogs (IMO) = it’s your blog, you can write what you want to. And I and other readers out there can read what we want to. No one forces my eyes to go across your page and read the words. If they don’t like it, fine, I certainly don’t agree with everything I read. But I respect the authors in that it is THEIR PAGE and thus entitled to their own opinion/feelings.

    Discussion is one thing, but complaining in such a harsh, bitter way is nothing but simply bringing unwarranted negativity.

    As for me, I enjoy what you write, respect and like the honesty. Life is tough. It isn’t always pretty. Thanks for writing like you do.

    Stone Fox March 20, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    as usual, i’m late to the party (blame work. that’s what i do.)

    half of me wants to say, “water off a ducks back, babe. don’t give the haters time or space to get into your brain. tell em to blow goats and then forget em.”

    the other half wants to say, “post it up and share the burden. post up the email address it came from, too.”

    i think you should do what you feel like you need to do at the time. i think what would hurt me most is being slammed for trying to keep tanner at the forefront. as long as you know that whole letter, and ESPECIALLY the part about tanner, is fucking bullshit.
    .-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..Joining the 21st century =-.

    sandy March 20, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    well, I think the person is truly mentally disturbed. Narcissistic personality disorder jumps to mind with its hallmarks of arrogance, patronization, and lack of empathy. And of course the need for audience that a narcissist must have in order to survive.

    that, or obviously his/her momma didn’t teach him/her any better.

    whereas you, HBM, are clearly the better in all of this. and CLEARLY undeserving of all that hate. and oh so CLEARLY deserving of every single one of the positive comments from myself and every one of the persons who has given you love and support here. karma, baby, karma (or as I tell my kids, “eventually there is justice in the world.”)

    be kind to yourself. HUGS.

    Zoey @ Good Goog March 20, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    That is so disgusting – it’s beyond words.
    .-= Zoey @ Good Goog´s last blog ..Stop Crying Your Heart Out =-.

    Lisa March 20, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    I’m sorry I didn’t offer my support before, but I’m so glad you posted again and gave me the opportunity now.

    Though I don’t always give comments filled with rainbows, puppies and sunshine, I do always admire your courage for posting your underbelly for the world to see. Bravo for that. That is a gift you give the world.

    Sunny March 21, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    First of all, I love your blog so much. I’ve never once thought you exploited your children, your nephew, or anybody else in your family.

    Second of all, who cares if you’re making money from more traffic to your blog. I don’t know how that works actually, but something about ads? Again, who cares? We all need to earn money to survive.

    You are all kinds of wonderful.
    .-= Sunny´s last blog ..Lists =-.

    Kristin March 21, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Nice. Why do people not understand that they can exercise their right to click away from something they don’t want to read? Honestly. I’ve had a few such comments on my blog (one of which actually was in response to a link I made to your abortion doula post!) and they’ve all been left anonymously. There will always be people who love to dump and run. Can’t help that. Just know there are those of us who appreciate and enjoy your honestly and talent. Don’t stop speaking your truth.
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..Readers I want to do =-.

    WarsawMommy March 22, 2010 at 7:28 am

    I don’t get it. That was a long letter; that took some time to write. It was obviously spell-checked (for God’s sake, “Tutus for Tanner” was in QUOTATION MARKS) and the punctuation was perfect. Someone took one hell of a lot of time out of their life to insult and attack you. Why?

    Here are a few things I’d do if I found myself with 30 minutes of free time on my hands: find some blogs I like and want to encourage and leacve some nice comments there; stroll out to the local bakery and buy some fresh cheesecake; read a couple of chapters of that book I am dying to finish; tickle Alex’s tummy and kiss his eyes. I would NOT write a hate e-mail!
    .-= WarsawMommy´s last blog ..BREAKING NEWS! =-.

    alexandra March 22, 2010 at 9:56 am

    You know, some people are just like that. And they really believe what they say. And they truly believe they are right.

    I forget the name of the disorder: it’s not narcissism. Something else: where they can’t understand that there may be another side of things, I wish I could remember. But, anyway, she thinks she’s right…and the rest of us NORMALS!! sit there with our mouths hanging open going “whaaaaaaaaaaa?” b/c it is so truly unbelievable that someone would want to be that hateful and spew such garbage.

    Why make the world uglier? I don’t understand it? We are here to encourage, uplift, communicate, share our lives…feel a sense of belonging, and make someone’s day lighter.
    That’s what you’ve always done with your humor.

    I’ve never commented before, but I had to with this one. You make me smile, and feel less lonely…so piss on the anonymous angry ugly emailer.

    Phoenix Rising March 22, 2010 at 10:23 am

    What kind of person writes that? Wow. I am so sorry this was even sent to you. I have no idea who you are or what motivates you – I guess I’ve never spent that much time analyzing you before. Maybe I’m too “simple” in that I believe if you don’t like it, don’t read it. Perhaps the writer of that rant should look at their life that way: if they don’t like your blog they shouldn’t read it. Seems like a simple fix to me. Keep writing!!
    .-= Phoenix Rising´s last blog ..Mmmm…. =-.

    Amy March 25, 2010 at 10:18 am

    When I see something this hateful, all I can think is the person who wrote it must be miserable with herself and her life. Why spend so much time and energy spewing such venom when you could be looking at what’s wrong inside YOU that got you so riled up in the first place.

    My mantra: I would much rather be happy than right.

    jodifur March 25, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Here is the thing I don’t get, and I said this on Sweetney’s post as well. Just don’t read blogs you don’t like. It isn’t hard. There is an x at the top of your screen for a reason.

    Life is to short for hatemail.
    .-= jodifur´s last blog ..And The Decision Comes From A Bunny =-.

    Amber March 26, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    I haven’t been online in a few days and just saw this. All I have to say is what a hateful bitch! If she doesn’t like what you have to say on YOUR blog then she should quit reading it and FUCK OFF! I don’t know you personally but from reading your blog for the last 2 years you are an awesome woman and your posts have helped me out of some pretty deep, dark, depressing shit…way too much to go into here.

    I remember reading a quote that hung on the wall of my 5th grade english class everyday that still resonates with me…”What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular”. You write because it is RIGHT for YOU. What you write about is not always going to be popular and as hard as it is to turn away from the negativity (why do we as women torture ourselves with what someone else thinks?)you know yourself and you know your life and you have to (we all have to) live our lives for ourselves, for our children and partners and be confident in who we are. We are all on our own path. OUR OWN PATH. Others may not like the way we choose to live our life but it just does not matter what they think. PERIOD. Hit delete next time. You’re too good to give that jealous bitch or any others like her your attention.

    Big hugs to you and all of the other Moms out there pouring their hearts out on blogs for us to read…it’s raw, it’s real, it’s comforting and it’s inspirational.

    LD March 26, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    Seriously? That letter writer and all the others that cut you down are total asses. Keep telling your stories– they keep me sane. And to all those who would critique you for telling them– f*ck ‘em.

    Marianne March 27, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Not sure if I’ve ever commented before, but I’ve been following (read stalking) your blog for a while now. I don’t know you and neither does the person who wrote that letter, so how can they judge you? I’m sorry you and anybody else going through this has to deal with the haters just because you want to document your life. Keep on blogging, you are an amazing person, and surely you have a lot more supporters than haters.

    Tania March 30, 2010 at 2:32 am

    Catherine, I want to say ‘thank you’ for standing up to haters like this.

    Unfortunately people like this keep scaredy cats like me from blogging. I don’t think I could cope with the negativity.

    I am always gobsmacked by how horrible some people are – did you see some of the comments fairly recently on a news site about NieNie? The level of hate, from a few people, for a woman who has been disfigured and who will suffer for life, horrified me.

    I think we should all have a policy of looking away from ‘trainwrecks’ instead of stopping to gawk and by that I mean, that I agree with an earlier commenter, that the minute ‘we’ see ‘hate’ in an email or a comment we should delete it and not read on. That way the hater and their poison are rendered impotent. (Not that you need my advice) :)

    Roberta April 1, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Hi, I don’t have a blog, but I read a few…yours being one…Redneck another one…and a few more…don’t even remember how I came to reading blogs, but here I am. I guess I’m just a simple country (canadian) gal that just cannot imagine how someone could be so mean and hateful to you for expressing your feelings…having lost my dad and my mom, I walked with you through your pain, and no, sorry, it never really goes away. I feel privileged that you would share that with me, yes thats what I feel, that you are sharing with me. Forgetting the hundreds…thousands..that read your blog also, sometimes it seems like you are only talking to me. No I’m not some kookie obsessed follower, just another lady who is living life, and my dear that is all I see you doing. If you start blogging about your kids shitting rainbows…well I am outta here…you blog about LIFE….we all live it, just sometimes what is blogged is so fake, you can see right through it. I have no idea how a blog works, what you get money for, and I don’t really care. If I like what I am reading I will stay, if I don’t I will move on, and believe me I have left some blogs in the dust…lol…..Carry on my friend, and know that some of us really do enjoy you, the good, the bad, and the ugly….SUCH is life…we all have to do it….good wishes & prayers for you, your family, and your sweet nephew…..and Redneck as well…xo

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