This is one of those weeks where I feel like I’m running over a bridge with a freight train at my back; I have to get to the other side, and I cannot – CANNOT – miss a step or slow down or BAM! SQUOOSH! and so I’m racing along, not even daring to catch my breath.
My mom is recovering from her surgery, the one that I’ve been so panicked about, the one that I didn’t fly out to sit by her bedside for, because she asked me not to, and so I get to just feel guilty, and worry. And Emilia just graduated from kindergarten, which was so, so wonderful and heartwarming and pride-making, but also like a punch to the stomach, because, good god, she’s getting SO BIG, and please, could somebody make it STOP, or at least slow down? And I’ve got a bunch of really awesome and really fascinating projects on the go, which are, really, just enormous fun to work on, but also, wow, totally exhausting, not least because they going hand-in-hand with some major life changes, which maybe you’ve heard rumors about – I know that some of you have heard rumors, because I get emails from, like, random media outlets asking me about the rumors, and I wasn’t the one who tipped them off – and anyway, the rumors are true – well, some of them, anyway – but I still haven’t wrapped my head around how to talk about it, and you know how sometimes something is kind of big and you feel like you need to wait to talk about it so that you can do it justice but then while you’re waiting it gets bigger and bigger, or seems to, and then you’re kind of like, well, maybe I’ll just pretend like it’s not something that I need to talk about but then it just becomes this giant glittery elephant in the room? That.
Also, we’re going camping this weekend, in a canoe, to a place where there are bears, and I’m a little nervous about that, and I really do need to get better at compartmentalizing things, don’t I?
Anyway. I’m tired and I have too much to do and now I’m also a big damn tease, and also someone who just randomly throws bears into the conversation, but really, you just have to be patient with me.
I’m just going to post a picture now. A peaceful picture.
Let’s all take deep breaths and think of deep, still lakes, and soft, pudgy toddler arms wrapped around sunburned necks, and sunsets, and the call of the loon. Meanwhile, I’ll take a Xanax. You know, because of the bears.