10 Things I Hate About Motherhood (And One That I Love)

A writer at Newsweek wrote last week about how her son – and the general state of being that is motherhood – is torturing her. Then a writer at Jezebel responded to the story with something very close to exasperation: “I was left, as I often am by pieces on parenting, at sea. Nowadays, there is such a dichotomy at work: the hazy romanticizing of baby culture wars with the it’s-a-nightmare/I-don’t-love-my-child/I-wanted-another-sex” backlash and while one is surely designed to remedy the other, those of us who haven’t had a baby are left, ironically, with no very clear idea of the reality.” A consequence of this, apparently, is that childless women – unconvinced by the hazy romanticism of some stories and horrified by the ‘it’s-a-nightmare’ confessions of others – become terrified by the Unknowable But Very Probably Sort Of Horrible condition of motherhood and are put off having children. Population control!

The reality is, none of us can paint an entirely clear picture of the reality of motherhood, because the reality of motherhood defies tidy characterization. Which is why, arguably, we see so much cultural discourse about motherhood that skews strongly in one direction or the other: we are constantly trying to get our bearings, and sometimes it’s just easier to do so by telling ourselves that motherhood is just so undeniably all-around awesome or that holy hell this shit is HARD and sticking to those stories. And yes, those stories that skew dark are frightening, but then, so much of motherhood is frightening, notwithstanding the moments – and there are many – of awesome, so.

My stories skew in the latter direction, obviously, although I like to think that my love for my children and my love of being their mother comes through despite – or even because – those stories skew dark. In any case, I wouldn’t know how to tell those stories differently, because, although I have moments of hazy romanticism about motherhood, for the most I find mothering to be an extraordinarily tough gig, one that leaves me, at times, feeling – yes – tortured. But that’s mothering – the work of motherhood – and it’s something of a different beast than is the condition of motherhood, or the experience of being mother to one’s own children. The former can be tortuous. The latter can be sublime.

My own experience, broken down:

1.) Lack of sleep. The work of motherhood requires being on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and some – nay, if you are me, many – of the hours in which you can expect to be called will be between the hours of 12am and 6am. I have not slept a full night through in over four years. FOUR YEARS. I am exhausted. Yes, I have sleep-trained. I have even worked with a sleep doula. There is nothing, nothing, that keeps my children from waking in the night, and as I draw the line at drugging them or gagging them and taping them to their beds, I fully expect to die of sleep deprivation sometime in the next few years.

2.) Pregnancy. I loved my first pregnancy, for about three months in the second trimester. The rest of it, and the entirety of my second pregnancy, was a hell of vomiting and anxiety and back pain and heartburn and amniocentesis terror and belly itching and sleeplessness and vomiting and anxiety ETC. And then, of course, childbirth.

3.) Recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. Torn nethers. Breastfeeding-ravaged boobies. Bigger feet. Bigger ass. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men can probably never put your body back together exactly the way that it was before you had children, especially if you have your kids in your thirties and do not employ a personal trainer and plastic surgeon.

4.) Postpartum depression. It’s depression. It sucks. A lot.

5.) Childrens’ television. This was referenced in the Newsweek article, and rightly so. With a few notable exceptions (Sesame Street; much of what airs on PBS Kids), much of what passes for childrens’ television programming seems designed for the express purpose of driving you to grab fistfuls of well-sharpened pencils and jab yourself relentlessly in the ears. The Wonderpets are the reason that I hide sharp objects when the television comes on.

6.) Child maintenance. Children need to be fed and clothed. It is easier to feed and clothe wild animals than it is to feed and clothe some children – my children, specifically, who live on a diet of carbohydrates, mangos, bananas, pickles and candy and who have more particular and eccentric clothing tastes than Lady Gaga, to the extent that one refuses to wear anything other than three layers of Disney t-shirts under a tutu. To wit:

budge style

7.) Diapers. Also, potty training. The work of motherhood involves a lot of shit work, I’ll just say that. And, if you have a boy, expect to get peed on. A lot. Also: tub shits. TUB SHITS.

8.) Laundry/housekeeping. (This one, like ‘diapers,’ above, could probably be rolled into ‘child maintenance,’ but I loathe it so much that it deserves a category of its own.) Children make messes. Big messes. And they generate mounds of laundry and you spend hours and hours washing and drying and sorting and folding and putting-into-drawers but they will still refuse to wear anything other than that one Cars t-shirt, that other Cars t-shirt and the black sparkled tutu. (See above re: Lady Gaga, tub shits.)

9.) Mommy brain. Sleep deprivation, over-exposure to the Wonderpets and the near-constant hum of why-why-why-why-Mommy-why fries your brain. It just does. That’s why there are mommy blogs – we need to constantly poke at our mushified brain matter with popsicle sticks and pablum spoons and deflated binkies to remind ourselves that some of our synapses are still firing. Maybe.

10.) Fear. Loving a child means spending countless hours, days, weeks, years fearing for that child. You fear that they will be hurt, that they will become sick, that they will die, you fear that you will die and they will be orphaned, you fear that they will ask you about death and you won’t have an answer; you fear that they will be the one kid in their kindergarten class that isn’t invited to that one girl’s birthday party; you fear that they will never love books as much as you do; you fear that they will worry about their looks; you fear that their heart will someday be broken. You lay awake at night worrying about the fact that their heart will someday be broken. You lay awake at night, worrying. Which is why, on those rare nights when the children sleep right through? You’re still not sleeping.

But, then – and at risk of sounding unbearably, banally romantic – there is this:

1.) My children. Who are amazing, inspiring creatures and who fill my life with such light and love as to nearly, at times, overwhelm me. Who make me laugh and who make me cry and who make me laugh until I cry, every single day. Who make me grateful for my soft belly and squishy boobs and for my messy hair and my undereye circles and my scars, because these are the markers of this work that I do – this tiring, often frustrating work – and of the miracles that I have produced and that I am, every day, producing, through this work; these miracles, my children, without whom I would not know love as completely as I do. My children, for whom I do this work, if not gladly, then without regret. My children, who make it possible for me to bitch tirelessly about motherhood while still feeling, deeply, to the very tips of my toes and possibly even further, that this motherhood thing is the most beautiful – the most hazily, gauzily, barefoot-in-a-field-of-daisies romantic – thing in the world.

And if I’m clutching a bottle of tequila and an Ativan prescription while spinning through that field of daisies… well, as I said: it’s complicated. Wonderfully, terribly, delightfully so.

Quick: what’s the number one thing that you hate about motherhood? And then, what do you love? (Your kids, no doubt, but feel free to say “I get to spend rainy afternoons watching cartoons and eating cookies” or “three-martini playdates.” I won’t judge.)

Posted by Her Bad Mother on April 20, 2010
Filed under: Being Bad, bad mother
Tags: bad mothers, children, motherhood

164 Comments

Lisa aka pbajmom
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate about Motherhood is how helpless you can feel when you send your children out into the world, and they experience: bullying, discrimination, pain, heartache, etc..

What I love about Mother hood is being blessed to have and know these wonderful human beings I call “my kids.” It feels great to be the one person in the world they can run to to share their personal accomplishments, good times and laughter with.
melissa
Apr 20, 2010
i just wrote a post about this the other day. i love my kids, i really do. but sometimes i want to run away from home.
melissa´s last blog ..To All The Arrogant Assholes In The Kingdom
Danielle C
Apr 20, 2010
I love this piost! Especially number 9. mommy blogs are crucial for our mushy brains.
Well written!

Danielle C Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Sorry for the typos.. I have been up since 3:30am.. It shows..
Danielle C´s last blog ..Mama Loves Twitter
Stefanie
Apr 20, 2010
I’m a WAHM with two kids under 4 (with no nanny OR housekeeper and no television).

The thing that gets to me most, is the ceaseless talking. My oldest is CONSTANTLY making noise. If it’s not the repeated questions to me, she’s talking to her stuffies or singing songs with made up and mangled words. I’m a person who needs a little peace and quiet to function… the endless rambling for no apparent reason drives me BANANAS. I find it truly exhausting mentally to listen to her go on and on.

felt good to write that down. There’s no way I’m alone on that one.
Stefanie´s last blog ..SALE Earth Day Enviro-Wrap

Stefanie Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Oh RIGHT! I love playing with the kids… it’s so hard to do it at home, without worrying about messes or groceries or the million other things to do at home. But we sure do have a good time playing together. I make sure we get at least a few hours in every day.
Stefanie´s last blog ..SALE Earth Day Enviro-Wrap

a Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Oh, Stefanie, you are not alone. There isn’t a day that goes by in our house where the words “Could you please stop talking for just 5 minutes???” are not uttered.
a´s last blog ..An open letter to Kodak

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
OH MY GOD THE TALKING.

I have thought, more than once, that one could die from the talking. Why do we never talk about that?

Angel Smith Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
And why is it that when in an enclosed space, like, oh, say, the family vehicle, the chatter gets even more unbearable. I just want to crank my music without hearing complaints from the amateur DJs in the backseat!
Angel Smith´s last blog ..But sometimes it *is* all rainbows and butterflies.

Alexicographer Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Oh, god. Thanks for writing (commenting) about this. The talking! I seriously and earnestly believe that there ought to be special support groups for introverts who are parents. Maybe there are and we call them blogs.

Really, I had no idea how this small person’s refusal just to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE ALREADY (AND SHUT UP) would wear on my psyche.

(Then I snuggle him, and it’s all good.)

(Also I do realize that in the blink of an eye I’m going to be complaining that he “sleeps ’til noon and won’t talk to me” or, in other words, has become a teenager)

Major Bedhead Reply:
April 22nd, 2010 at 2:09 pm
I often get that phrase from The Grinch stuck in my head: “The noise, oh the noise, oh the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!” My kids are noisy, energetic little boogers who exclaim LOUDLY over everything they see. The keep up a constant narrative of their day and it exhausts me. Even the 15 year old, who is supposed to be quiet and surly, yaks my ear off. Most of the time, I can tune it out a bit and sometimes it makes me scream with laughter because they are funny, funny little things. But good god, what I wouldn’t give for a little peace and quiet.
Major Bedhead´s last blog ..Yet More About Boo

Adelas Reply:
May 6th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
I distinctly remember one of our yearly week-long family road trips. My brother and I (perhaps 7 and 9, or thereabouts) had been harassing and sniping at each other for days. One day we woke up on the right sides of our respective beds, and were in the backseat enjoying each other’s company, and laughing. One or both of our parents stepped in, at that point, and snapped at us to be quiet. I remember being completely perplexed. We were being nice! We loved each other! We were LAUGHING for pete’s sake!

And then I had my own beloved children. And I finally understood.

Ann Reply:
April 24th, 2010 at 1:08 pm
I could almost cry with joy that I am not alone on this one. I love my little guys voice. I think it is so sweet I almost can’t stand it. But when he goes on and on and on and on especially when I have a thousand other things on my mind I feel like my head is going to burst and then to top it off I feel guilty for not wanting to listen to him.

Thanks so much for the post.

sandi Reply:
May 1st, 2010 at 1:40 am
Sorry, I mind the noise but when it gets close to intolerable I think I have a special gene that enables me, literally, to tune them out. I just have a conversation with myself in my head about my work, my friends, things I want to discuss with my husband, things I want to research by Googling them. Try it.

Jen Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
@Stefanie, You are not alone, the talking, talking, talking can drive one mad. But then one day you’ll realize that they’re not talking much anymore…and you’ll miss it dreadfully. My 7 year old son used to talk my ear off. Now I can’t get him to tell me more than 3 words about his day at school. How I now miss those days when he told me every little thing…
Carrie
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the sleep deprivation

I love the laughter and the hugs and the joy of experiencing everything new again
Carrie´s last blog ..The first bounce of the year
Saisquoi
Apr 20, 2010
Right now, what I hate most about motherhood is the inability to care for myself. I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out how to keep my toddler from killing herself or destroying the house whilst running to the bathroom every 2 minutes. Damned stomach bug.

But the best part? Is my daughter herself. This morning she woke up wanting nothing more than to dole out hugs and drooly baby kisses. Which almost makes yesterday’s bathroom relay worth it.
Saisquoi´s last blog ..Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls — A Review

Adelas Reply:
May 6th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
This is mine, too. Feeling compelled – to the fullest sense of that word – to put the children before myself. While I am compelled, I still resent it. Then I feel guilty for resenting it, and back again, ad nauseum. I hate that they have stolen from me my ability to take care of myself. And I get angry at my husband for still being able to put himself first, while being jealous of the ability.

As for the best part, I think it’s a tie between (1) being able to delight another person, constantly, whether by my actions or with gifts or whatever and (2)that unexplainable pride in their accomplishments.
Adelas´s last blog ..Maybe you’d better check for that, too
Tabatha
Apr 20, 2010
The thing I hate most? Discipline. I hate walking that fine line of making my kid a socially responsible human being and irreparably damaging him forever, depending on my reactions to situations. Hate hate hate. Also temper tantrums, because I’m not a patient person and my kid gets his bullheadedness from me. That’s hell in a handbasket, let me tell you.

But I love that right now, at 13 months, he’s beginning to show affection. He just leans in to give me kisses, without warning, or will scoot across the house to pull up on my legs and hug me, smile brightly, and then go about his business. It breaks my heart (in that good way) every time.
Tabatha´s last blog ..Just Metal and Stone.

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Oh, I know – the fear of our own failure. I meant to include that, actually, and then forgot it in my stream-of-consciousness of other fears. But yes, yes – fear of not disciplining enough; fear of disciplining too much. SIGH.

Tabatha Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
It’s terrible! Especially at this age (toddler) when you can’t explain or reason with them. UGH. I just try to remind myself that it’ll all be okay in the end, he’ll be okay, I’ll be okay, and sure, I’ll probably make mistakes, but we’ll be okay.
Tabatha´s last blog ..Just Metal and Stone.

Jen Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Oh Tabatha, you will never be able to reason with them. I have an 18 year old girl and a 9 year old boy. I can not reason with either of them. She knows it all and he is just a stubborn pita! (pain in the A$$). I hate the arguing and love the kisses. Oh and I hate the fact my 18 year old is a so called “adult” now!
uberVU - social comments
Apr 20, 2010
Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by thebadmomsclub: 10 things that I hate about motherhood: http://bit.ly/aptzZR…
Bobbi Janay @When did I go from a kid to a grown up?
Apr 20, 2010
Wow, what a post and at the moment I hate everything. I am overwhelmed with what life is handing me.
Bobbi Janay @When did I go from a kid to a grown up?´s last blog ..When does the lasanga hit me in the face?

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Dude, I totally have days like that too. We all do.
Carrie at NaturalMomsTalkRadio
Apr 20, 2010
I HATE being pregnant too! Ugh, nobody could pay me enough to be a surrogate mom. Now birth is pretty cool, I could do that for another woman, but pregnancy? UGH. 9 months of unrelenting nausea, fatigue, nothing tasting right, heartburn, sciatica all night, UGH.

The bickering among sibs is what gets to me. It’s probably the only thing I hate about m-hood.
Carrie at NaturalMomsTalkRadio´s last blog ..You Know It’s Your Third Trimester When…
Tatiana
Apr 20, 2010
I hate that I feel so bitter and resentful when I can’t get her to go back to sleep in the middle of the night. I love her desperately and I don’t mind soothing/nursing her to sleep, it’s just when I put her down and she wakes up and cries… ugh. I get so angry
Tatiana´s last blog ..Practicing her theatre
Krystal Grant
Apr 20, 2010
I hate that there is no autopilot for children. They always need SOMETHING. I wish there was a remote control that I had to press “pause” and have them just stop. Or maybe I could twitch my nose like Bewitch and have them disappear for an hour or two.

But then, as you said I just love them. Knowing that I have 3 beauties that were actually grown inside my own body is amazing. To know that above all else, I’m “mom” and I supercede all other things in their lives…for now.
Carla
Apr 20, 2010
I hate how often motherhood leaves me feeling so terribly inadequate…
Oh, and there’s only one thing I fear more than something happening to my daughter.
Tub shits.
I’m horrified. I can’t even imagine. I will immediately surrender the daughter to social services and myself to the psych unit.
Carla´s last blog ..One Tough Cookie
habanerogal
Apr 20, 2010
I love that I have prepared them well enough for life in the “learn how to look after yourself” department. However at times I feel like they are just tenants living in my house eating all of my food and that can be frustrating. I love their fierce independence
habanerogal´s last blog ..A Quickie Quitting Update
Zoeyjane
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate most is the constant second-guessing of myself, my motives, my actions, and how they will affect my daughter’s psyche, practices and grown-up-self. That I spend some amount of time each day censoring the words ‘hate’ and ’stupid’ from our vocabulary, because it’s ever so important to me that she sees things as multi-sided at all points, but that I worry that disallowing language is akin to telling her that she’s not allowed to make her own judgments, either. That in my intent to raise an open, hippy-girl, whose empathy never dies, I might be raising one who doesn’t have the ability to defend herself, or put up walls where they may in fact be needed.

What I love most? That she IS the quintessential open, hippy-girl, filled with empathy and wonder, who thinks nothing of befriending anyone, because the idea of trust being earned isn’t a concept within her grasp. That she sees every single person she encounters as human, and therefore worthy of her attention.
Zoeyjane´s last blog ..On a different kind of plane

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Emilia is totally that kind of hippy girl, and I love it. I also love that she’s an unrepentant tomboy. LOVE.

And the second-guessing, yes. I said something along those lines in a response to another comment – fear of my own failure as a parent. It’s gut-wrenching sometimes.
Monabookgirl
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate about being a mother is the thought that someday he will go off into the world and have to fend for himself. And I may not have taught him everything he will need and he will fail at some point ( because we all do) and he will feel alone (again, we always do at some point) and there is nothing I can really do to totally prepare him for it.

What I love is hearing him laugh. When I hear him laugh at some stupid booger joke I know that, for now at least, everything is right with his world. And that makes everything right in my world.
Martha
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the fear of not being able to protect and keep them safe always….especially knowing some things just have to be done and worked through!

I love just watching them play and interacting with them, seeing how their minds get where they need to go. Seeing that light in their eyes when they get it…and all the hugs and kisses too!
Roberta
Apr 20, 2010
The hardest thing for me is the sleep deprivation. Society just doesn’t prepare us for that, or give us reasonable expectations for how babies and children actually sleep (or don’t sleep). Our working lives don’t give us ways or room to cope or catch up. That sleep debt for me is the thing that makes everything else harder – decisionmaking, patience, worry.

What I love is what I find in myself (despite the sleep deprivation) when I see my daughter first thing in the morning. At 17 months, she smiles and chatters and runs and climbs and hugs. And even with my bleary eyes, spent body, I find in the mother part of myself some unknown well of happiness and patience and love as I smile back, chatter back, hug back, and chase her down the hall into the morning.
Roberta´s last blog ..Seventeen months
a
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the fear. It’s all-consuming.

I love when she understands a concept and applies it to life. Watching her learn is so wonderful. Also, coloring is fun sometimes.
a´s last blog ..An open letter to Kodak

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
I like coloring. I do. Not when I get yelled at for doing it wrong, but still. Oddly calming and satisfying.
Terri
Apr 20, 2010
I love this! Well said!
Jessica
Apr 20, 2010
I hate being needed all the time. It is, of course, the thing I love most – they need me all the time. Me. They need Me. They want Me.
Linda
Apr 20, 2010
I hate hate hate the unending sacrifice. I do it. But I hate it.

I love love love that belly laugh. The one they do when you surprise them or delight them or just overwhelm them with love. I love that sound more than anything else about motherhood. (Oh! And the excuse to bake cookies.)
Grumble Girl
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate about it all? The “stuckness” I often feel. It certainly IS a 24/7 365 job, and man does it ever blow sometimes. I know I won’t regret this time of being at home with them when I’m old though… and I never thought I would could laugh this hard – like, my cheeks hurts from smiling so much sometimes. That’s pretty terrific.

I loved this post, Sugar. Thanks.
Grumble Girl´s last blog ..Making Tracks is Easy When You Ain’t Pushing a Stroller
Danica
Apr 20, 2010
One thing I hate is my lack of control. And I try my hardest to not be a controlling parent. I want them to be their own people. But the older they get, the less and less control there is. Their attitude. The horrible habits they pick up from their peers. Who their friends are. Some days – their outfit. And other things too. Threats from the outside, like child predators and life threatening disease. Lack of control is the thing I hate the most.

The thing I like the best is what I get to witness. Individual people are fascinating beings. I get to watch two of them form, right through every stage of life (until I die) right before my very eyes. Also, getting a child’s perspective on life really shakes me out of some of the boring adult routines I have accustomed myself to. Fun fun!

Great post. I agree, and I laughed out loud at the mention of tub shits. Ahhhh tub shits.
Danica´s last blog ..Mission Accomplished
Ali
Apr 20, 2010
The laundry. Oh God how I hate the laundry. He’s been really angry lately too, I don’t understand it but he’s so furious. He just started school full-time and 9-3.30 is a long time for a four year old. I just keep telling myself he’s tired.

I love watching him while he sleeps. Probably because he isn’t making a mess or talking.

I was in a room full of mums the other day and we were all bitching about motherhood and one women said ‘but if we went back, we’d all do it again wouldn’t we?’ I kept my mouth shut, but honestly? If I could go back six years and know what I know now, then no, I wouldn’t do it again.
Mary (BarnMaven)
Apr 20, 2010
Number one best thing about motherhood – the love. My kids love their babysitter, adore her, but because of the marriage issues and money issues, they haven’t seen her in a while. My daughter asked me in the car the other day “Mommy, when are we going to see [favorite babysitter] again?” I said “well, I don’t have anything planned. Would you like me to go away for a night so you can have your babysitter?” Her response? “Oh NO, Mommy, I’d much rather spend time with YOU! I just miss [favorit babysitter] sometimes, that’s all.” MELT.

Worst part? Feeling like I’m on call 24/7 to the most asshole boss in the universe. “MOMMY! YOU SAID I COULD HAVE AN OTTER POP! WHERE’S MY OTTER POP????” Ummm, in case you didn’t notice, I’m elbow deep in making YOUR DINNER.” Doesn’t matter how important you might think what you’re doing is, it takes second fiddle to your kids’ whims.

I still love them and wouldn’t trade them for anything. Well, anything cheap. Maybe vodka and chocolate. And I’m afraid I have to point out that’s meant to be tongue in cheek in case any humorless types are reading this.
Mary (BarnMaven)´s last blog ..Saddle Sore

sandi Reply:
May 1st, 2010 at 1:47 am
Thanks for the laugh Mary. I LOVE that “on call 24/7 to the most asshole boss in the universe”!
Adventures In Babywearing
Apr 20, 2010
Honestly I hate the responsibility, and the incessant talking. I wish there could be an on & off switch. Yeah, we learn to tune them out but still… It would be nice to just leave, or have quiet.

But what I love? That being their mother gives me the sense of purpose my soul has searched for all my life. I know this is what I’m meant for, and that it will (and does) lead me to great things.

Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..Vitamin D

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
“But what I love? That being their mother gives me the sense of purpose my soul has searched for all my life. I know this is what I’m meant for, and that it will (and does) lead me to great things.”

Yes. Yes. Perfectly said.
LD
Apr 20, 2010
What I miss the most is the ability to disconnect. Even when I’m away from my kids I still always have my blackberry on and I’m constantly worrying/thinking/planning for my kids.
I really and truly miss the odd Sunday afternoon where I could collapse alone on the couch, watch a movie on tv and veg with not a concern in the world.

But what I love … more than anything it’s the cuddles. You know, the fresh out of bed, not quite awake snuggling up quietly cuddles. Worth it.
(and the love, of course)
LD´s last blog ..Proud
Miranda
Apr 20, 2010
I hate feeling like I have to constantly supply entertainment and then feeling like a horrible mother when all we do is watch TV for a whole week straight! It’s hard to get outside, fingerpaint, teach colors, etc with a 22 month old, when you have a 9 month old getting pissed because he’s stuck in the stroller, trying to eat the paint, and grabbing the book of colors, etc…

I LOVE seeing my two children play together and how they love each other and me. The spontaneous kisses, hugs, “Muah” “Love you” makes it all worth it!
Iris
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the exhausting, tedious child maintenance that never ends. I hate not ever being thanked or admired or praised for the job of parenting. If I could get one measly performance review a year when someone would look me in the eye and say, “That was terrific. You should be proud of what you did. Keep up the good work. And you might think about doing less/more of that. I think you should work on X.” That would be awesome sauce.

I love it when she laughs, when I can make her laugh, when I can jolly her out of bad mood, and when she cracks me up. I love her spontaneous hugs and kisses with her skinny little arms around my neck. I love it when I put my hand out when we get out of the car and she takes it without hesitation. I know one day I will reach for her hand and she won’t give it to me. I will hate that.

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
Oh, the laughter, I know. Is bliss in aural form.
Amber McN
Apr 20, 2010
Hate: The fear explosion. You know, when you hear the word “mine!” for the first time and you imagine a life time of a spoiled bratty child that is yours and you somehow didn’t raise him right and and and… Like today when the detist said “underbite” and I imagined mocking and bullies and dentist bills and how can I keep even the tiniest issue from affecting him. In other words: “HOW AM I FUCKING HIM UP NOW” and constantly worrying about it.
Love: Him. When he wants hugs and kisses and only mommy can make him better when he’s hurt. Then? I’m superwoman.

Elizabeth Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 6:51 pm
Fear explosion–great description. I feel exactly the same way. In my mind I go from my son hitting me as a three year old to his future life of crime. And honestly, he is a really good kid, but I just panic sometimes (or all the time) both when he messes up and when something bad happens.
Lasha
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the sleep thing. Going on three years here. And you are so right about those nights that occasionally happen. I don’t sleep through, regardless. And I have abandoned most attempts at the upkeep of the house. I don’t know how anyone is good at that (although my sisters-in-law seem to manage fine).

But I LOVE seeing her becoming more and more herself. Right now, at just 3, I love that she draws elaborate pictures and tells me elaborate stories about them. I love watching her thinking her own thoughts and formulating questions (well, not the “why” so much). I love how she throws herself into what she loves so completely. I’m just in awe that I get to be here to help her discover herself and her world, despite the sometimes drudgery of it all.
Sara
Apr 20, 2010
I love these answers so much.

I hate that he can no longer put himself to or back to sleep. No warning – no idea why. It makes me feel inadequate and useless.

I LOVE waking up next to him in the morning. Like love it like I’ve never loved anything else.

double edged sword I guess…
Sara´s last blog ..Contest: Win some Boob for telling about your boobs!
Jennifer Juniper
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate about motherhood…

the constant change. Once I feel like I’ve got it down, a whole other set if issues present themselves. I can never stay ahead and feel like I’m doing well at this job. I keep trying and plundering along, always second guessing myself, trying to do my best yet never really knowing if I am.

What I love?

I love kid kisses and hugs more than anything in this world.

I love cuddling under a blanket together watching movies on Friday nights.

I love to hear the giggles of two boys who are up late talking when they are supposed to be sleeping.

I love a sleepy boy stumbling into my bed first thing in the morning.

I love “I love you, mom.”

I
Jennifer Juniper´s last blog ..Easy T-Shirt Necklace Tutorial
kittenpie
Apr 20, 2010
Well yes, it’s hard to write without leaning too far one way or the other not only because it IS both, and all at once, and mixed up and complicated, but also because it’s writing, which lends us to lay our point at one door or another for the moment that we are writing and also, as well, because every women is different and has different reactions and expectations and things she loves or hates or misses and on top of that, every hour of parenting is different, so OF COURSE there are mixed messages. Hell, I get mixed messages about my own experience from my own brain, so how would I express anything else? The trick I think is most often, to read widely and figure it lies somewhere in the middle, or wavers in between.

As for me – I think it’s the sleep deprivation that I loathe the most, though those times of testing the limits would run a close second. I love most the hugging of my small children to me, running my haggard cheek over their velvety ones, burying my kisses in their silken hair, holding small warm hands in mine. The physical nearness of such small, sweet creatures is such a joy, though bittersweet, and because it’s not simple, the very bittersweetness of it is, I think, part of what makes it extra sweet, knowing that it is a temporary state to be able to cuddle and love on them in that way.
Mac & Cheese
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the way the day starts each morning. I wake up grumpy, and too early, and spend the next hour doing everything for everyone but me.

I love watching them at play, showing off things that I may have actually taught them!
Mac & Cheese´s last blog ..Alternative Therapy
heidi
Apr 20, 2010
I hate that I’m never quite sure how I’m doing.

I love who they are turning into – so far.

2 more…

Hate the incessant talking.

Love when they play together.
heidi´s last blog ..My mind, in bullets so you don’t get lost
Peggy Brister
Apr 20, 2010
The one thing I hate about motherhood is that my 2 youngest are only a year apart and it was like raising twins. 2 in car seats, 2 in diapers, 2 high chairs,2 crying in the middle of the night.
But the thing I love about motherhood is that eventually they grow up to feed themselves, wipe their own butt, and sometimes, for a brief nanosecond, entertain themselves in thier room. That part doesn’t usually last long. But it happens.
I also love being able to homeschool my kids nad watch them learn. That’s a joy.
Peggy Brister´s last blog ..Spoiled kids? Raise your hand!
michelle
Apr 20, 2010
hardest: how having children has upped the stakes for the environmental crisis. I worry so much about what kind of world my girls will grow up in, how many species will be extinct by the time they are adults, what will climate change do to their quality of life, etc. and at the same time feeling kind of powerless to make any kind of meaningful change.

best: the sense of purpose and clarity I have now about what I am doing with my life. pre-kids I was unclear about what kind of career I wanted and agonized over whether anything I wanted to do was worth doing. Now all that anxiety is gone. Being a mother is worth doing and I am doing it. Also our whole-family cuddles are pretty awesome.

Karen Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
We call those cuddle puddles around here.
Karen´s last blog ..Rat Pics!
Loukia
Apr 20, 2010
I love this post so much. I might just have to do my own!
Loukia´s last blog ..Brothers
Trilby
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the worry and fear. I worry about/have a lot of fears concerning, a lot of things where my 2 boys (17 months and 3.5 years) are concerned. Are they well adjusted? Am I doing this right? Am I screwing them up?

I love the… well, the LOVE. I love seeing my husband be a father. I love seeing the love and affection on my children’s faces. And those kisses and hugs aren’t too bad either!
Jennie
Apr 20, 2010
I’m a SAHM of two little boys under 2. I love the sweet tenderness that occurs with little ones. How they trust me completely, and I’ve been trusted by the Gods to be their guide. . .

I loathe the loneliness that occurs with being a SAHM and the mushy brain!! How I miss reading a good book. But, these times are short, so I try to relish them as much as possible.

Great post!
mimi
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the sleep deprivation. It. Is. Killing. Me.

I love the kind of adoring look / hug / lick / eye-poke / toe-kiss you will only ever get from a kid that belongs to you. There is nothing like the passion of a toddler for her mother.
mimi´s last blog ..Tighter, Closer, Sweeter

Karen Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
“There is nothing like the passion of a toddler for her mother.”

That sums this all up. The good stuff anyways.
Karen´s last blog ..Rat Pics!

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Totally.
Barbi
Apr 20, 2010
I love, love, love this post. We so need this kind of honestly out there.

I hate the constant clean up, It never seems to be done. But I am working on that my girls are 7 1/2 and 5 so they are becoming part of the labour force around here. I also hate it when my husband asks me why I am so tired. I really could strangle him……if I wasn’t so tired! ; )

I love my girls smiles, giggles, sister chatter. My oldest is very kind soul, my youngest is a comedian and fiery in both good and bad ways but both are so very awesome! : )
MichelleRenee
Apr 20, 2010
I love when THEIR JOY brings ME JOY.

I DISLIKE when my children act like JACKASSES and I respond like a JACKASS.
MichelleRenee´s last blog ..Day 19
Sara
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the constant neediness – the never ending litany of someone needing something. It feels like they are just pulling little bits of me off all day every day without enough time to rejuvenate.

I also love to be the one they needs. I love to be the one person who can console a bumped head or hurt feelings. I love that no matter how big they get, their heads still fit perfectly into the crook in my neck like a missing puzzle piece.

Such is the dichotomy of motherhood…
Sara´s last blog ..It’s been a blah sort of week…
Melissa
Apr 20, 2010
HATE: Never having any time to myself. I am a WOHM and I wake every morning, dress, run to train, work for 8 hours, rush to train, rush to daycare and then through the worst time of the day.

The pre-dinner hour with the two-year-old is just awful. Whiny, clingy yet also needing food that requires both my hands to make. Then dinner which is picked at. Then demands for story reading and bedtime resistance, followed by a brief interval of time with the husband and then bed to try for somewhere around 7 hrs sleep.

My therapist tells me I should spend more time on myself, including gym time. Oh yeah, when should I do that? After evenings when I’m so tired from office work and reading Dora for the 6th time in a row to avoid a meltdown all I want to do is sit in complete silence? Weekends when I’m trying to do and fold mountains of laundry, food shop, clean house, get to the drycleaners, and return library books?

LOVE: The talking. It drives me a little nuts but to hear what is going on in there is amazing. I’m blown away by the funny, insane, nonsensical imaginative things she says. And how she invents these explanations for things happening around her. How she describes something as smelling perfect. Or how happy she is to recognize a letter in a store sign and then sing the ABCs.
Forgotten
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the weaning…I’m doing it right now. She acts like she’s starving to death even though I’ve seen her drink a sippy cup full of milk before and she just refuses to do it for me because she knows I’ve got the goods. I just want some time to cook dinner, I swear. And OMG! The horror of not getting the before bed boob. Sheesh!

But on the flip side I absolutely love the time I get to snuggle her up close and feed her because I feel like I’m doing the best thing for her, blah blah blah, etc. *insert mushy reference to angel’s faces and sweet baby sighs in the night* I know you get me on this one…
Forgotten´s last blog ..My First Birth Story, Part 4 (or how I ended up with twins…)
Jen
Apr 20, 2010
I hate the crying. Crying, CRYING, always with the CRYING. I have a 7 month old special needs baby who also happens to be colicky. It’s a special kind of torture.

But if I had to give up or never have had my baby to stop the crying, then give me crying any day of the week and double time on Sunday.

Because while the bad stuff sucks and drives a person mad and isn’t always worth going through to get to the good stuff; the good stuff is so unbelievably good that it makes life worth living.
Erin
Apr 20, 2010
HATE: How unrelenting it is – how little quiet space there is for me. I’m an introvert, and had *no idea* how hard the constant, unrelenting responsibility would be on me. #2 how lonely/isolating it is sometimes.

LOVE: I’m blown away by the joy my little guy brings me, just by existing. He is so full of joy and spreads it everywhere. (And on a smaller scale I really really loved breastfeeding.)
Emily
Apr 20, 2010
I hate: the constant multi-decibel noise level and the constant, CONSTANT mess.

I love: spontaneous hugs and kisses and their ability to love unconditionally–and forgive me for being the lamest mother on earth. I am, promise.
Emily´s last blog ..Evonne’s baby shower, Part 2: The party
Frugan Amy
Apr 20, 2010
I hate how parenting takes energy from my marriage. I love hanging out with this Pappa guy but I miss my husband, you know?

I hate how I can’t do ANYTHING from boiling pasta water to cutting my toenails without expecting to get interrupted.

I hate the baby comparisons, the competing schools of thoughts, the anxiety about every parenting choice.

I love her face, her legs, her warm body pushing against me in bed. I love
watching her run and hearing her try to put sounŸds together into words. I love
learning her likes and dislikes. As much as I’d like some alone time, I love her companionship.
Frugan Amy´s last blog ..Night Owls in a Sleepy City
Assertagirl
Apr 20, 2010
Well, I am relatively new to this game, but yesterday Nate laughed. Like, a real, hearty “THIS IS FUNNY” laugh while I tickled him. In that moment I knew so much love intimately in my heart and was completely taken aback by that emotion. It was the most wonderful moment of my experience of motherhood so far.

As for what I like least? Gotta be the lack of sleep. It’s what motivates me to just get kid #2 out of the way. Might as well do it before I get the chance to sleep full nights again.
Assertagirl´s last blog ..Solid.
agirlandaboy
Apr 20, 2010
I…actually kind of love Wonderpets. Especially Ming Ming.
Motherhood Uncensored
Apr 20, 2010
The thing, I think, that is missing off most of these lists (though funny as they are) and shows about moms coughTHEMOTHERHOODcough is that they’re all based on THE LIST and not on the other list you have started there, and all the other wonderful parts of mothering that, let’s face it, aren’t as romantic or interesting.

The snark is cool and funny and compelling. But that alone, well, just doesn’t describe the awesomely amazing awesomeness that is mothering.

Now off to go wipe some asses.

Her Bad Mother Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
That other list will need to be written in full, I think. It’s a longer list, but a harder one, for sure, because in a way it always comes back to TEH LOVE. Articulating what is awesome about motherhood beyond TEH LOVE is a tricky thing. But, you’re right, a worthy one.
Dani
Apr 20, 2010
I hate worrying whether they’ll be okay. Will the other kids make fun of him because he can’t run like they can? Will he be okay if he can’t really jump? When will he realize that physical therapy is not just an extra fun class just for him? Do I spend enough attention and time on his sister? She’s younger, less intense, but am I less focused on her? I hate lying awake at night worrying about them. I hate feeling the tension in my neck and shoulders and knowing that if I could “just relax” I wouldn’t suffer from a migraine tomorrow. Ugh.

But… I love them. The look on the boys face when you (just because) put on his favorite song in the car (Eye of the Tiger). That grin, his whole body gleams from it and I am so proud, so overjoyed, so blessed to be on the receiving end of it so often. And the girl? I love that she needs me and wants me more than anyone else on the planet. Even if she refuses to say Mama, I love that she’ll choose me over anyone else. Her face lights up when she sees me and that can lift me out of just about any bad mood.
Karianna
Apr 20, 2010
I hate all of the above… but that a childless person or someone who hasn’t experienced it in awhile (*cough*mymom*cough*) doesn’t understand to the point that I look weak.

Motherhood is demanding, but the perception of it is that we just sit around with smiles on our faces, clapping with glee every time Junior makes a block tower. If I show any sort of frustration or disappointment, I get that tongue-clicking “Well, you aren’t trying hard enough.” (One shrink told me, “Well, maybe you aren’t cut out to be a mother,” when I cried over my son’s autism diagnosis.) Meanwhile, my husband can play catch outside for a half hour and he’s The Greatest Parent Ever.

What I love about motherhood is that I have two beings that I can grab and snuggle with… at least until they decide I’m uncool.
Karianna´s last blog ..People with Gross Habits, Unite!
Jennifer
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate is that my son doesn’t do what I ask/say (unlike the adults I work with).

But I love that he often has a lot more sense than some of the people I work with. And he’s funnier. And he finds me interesting.
L
Apr 20, 2010
Hate the fact that I remember my old life so clearly and I miss it, damn it. I miss going out on the weekends, or even on a week night. I miss traveling. I miss being able to get a pedicure without two week’s planning. I miss being able to vacuum the house on a regular basis (and I can’t believe I miss that). I miss the body I had when I was able to go to regular pilates classes.

Love my son. Amazed I helped create a little person with thought and ideas and oh my god opinions. Love watching my husband with my son becoming an even more amazing father than I knew he would be. Love having a kid I can talk about with my other mom friends.

Love this post to. Thanks.
Erin
Apr 20, 2010
I am on the other end of parenting, my kids are older. My “baby boy” turns 13 on Saturday. I hate the guilt, the not knowing if I am doing the right thing or enough, the second guessing, and the helplessness. Oh, the helplessness! When they are little you can fix their problems, you can comfort them, they start to get older and you know how to fix things, but they don’t want your help, advice, and most days they resent your existence. (I remember feeling that way as a teenager, and I still phone my mom up and apologize).

The best? I’ll be honnest, it has been a rough few months, I don’t know anymore. The best is those rare times when you connect and laugh, laying in the trailer giggling in the dark. That is the best.
Erin´s last blog ..Help!
Jennifer
Apr 20, 2010
I hate sibling rivalry. I have two Bigs (12 and and two Littles (2 and just-turned-one), so I’m experiencing a wide array of sibling torment. There’s the that’s-my-toy-and-I-WILL-poke-your-eye/pull-your-hair variety. There’s torturing your older sister by telling fart and booger jokes. And relentlessly calling your little brother stupid/lame/whatever, regardless of the punishment. It all sucks.

I love when they love each other. When the two babies get tangled in a slobbery, kissy-huggy mess and giggle about it. When the Bigs actually hang out and enjoy each others’ company and *gasp* TALK to each other. It’s awesome. They (we) are a family, and I created that, and that is the best feeling ever.

Jennifer Reply:
April 20th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
That was supposed to be 8, not Although, he is that, too, but aren’t they all?
Jennifer´s last blog ..Why, Yes, I *Would* Like Some Cries With My Wah-burger
Jessica
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate most is the horrible sinking makes-me-want-to-puke feeling that my daughter may die before she’s a wrinkled old woman, and/or that I may die before she’d be OK without a mom (she’s only 9 months now, so add onto that the fear I might die before she’s even old enough to remember me.)

What I love most – what can sustain me through anything life throws at me – is making my daughter laugh. There is no sound more pure or beautiful in my world.
Maile
Apr 20, 2010
My girls are 20 months and 3 months, so one of my biggest complaints is that I don’t often get a chance to shower… I sit in the big tub with them so I am clean, but shaving and washing my hair is a luxury. Also, I am sure I smell like milk…

There are the occasional toddler meltdowns that I could do without and some broken buttons on my otherwise perfect laptop(can’t justify getting a new one)

The gummy smiles from the little one make up for all the fussing.

And my older girl has the best laugh and even though she doesn’t have too many words I can understand she almost always says “pees” and “dankoo”
Maile´s last blog ..A Purple Kind of Day
Lauren
Apr 20, 2010
I hate that when I need ME time the most is when my daughter is the most clingy. I love, well, EVERYTHING. She runs up to me and gives me a big hug for no reason. It melts me.
Jae
Apr 20, 2010
My heart and spirit really goes out to you all. Well I remember the joys and perils of being a mom. The best part: The absolute joy in their eyes brought about by almost anything. The worst part: Fear.

However, darlin’ the really true, terribly full of angst part of parenthood or being a Mom, is when they hit middle school then on to high school and then, OH YES, wait for it: University Years. No sleep for half-a-decade…less sleep even later!

That’s when the true hard-core parenting begins and it goes on longer than one can even imagine.

Rewards: Well, in our case, we had two National Scholars, scholarships galore, great handsome young men that went on to seriously effect change in this country that are also funny, terribly handsome, bright, funny, and well-paid.

Downside:Fourteen years of penny-scrimping, worry about things we had no control over, learning how to balance a marriage and our almost-adult children needs, wants and pressing concerns as time, never to be recovered flew by.

Looking back, pregnancy and delivery (horrid and scary and dangerous for me, our babies), no sleep, toddler-hood, kindergarten-to-grade five were a breeze, a walk in the park, totally lovely.

When the little children begin to become their own selves, caught between need and desire to grow, to stand up to, to test, to try things and risk and sleep and study and stay out and deal with sexual issues and girls and money and jobs and mean adults….

Well, as they used to say, when you truly want to know what lies ahead, ask someone on the way back!

I wouldn’t change anything about being a parent, (more money would have been nice) and the best thing anyone can do is help raise nice, bright, good human beings.

They all turn into tweens, teens and young adults. And that’s ironic, for that is when they truly seriously need good parenting. And the whole role of parenting is to work yourself out of a job…to get them where they find themselves, feed themselves, free themselves and hopefully find love and connection as fine young adults.

Good luck to you all.
Jae
Barefoot Gardener
Apr 20, 2010
Perfect post! This totally covers all the bases with motherhood.

So, to join in…

Thing I hate most: The constant chatter when you don’t want it, and the absolute silence whenever you ask a tough question like “Who broke Great-Grandma’s priceless antique lamp???”

Thing I love the most: I have an excuse to chill out with the old animated films that I loved as a kid, and company when I want to go see kids films as new releases in the theatre.
Val
Apr 20, 2010
One thing that I hate about motherhood is the way that it has made me feel about myself. I am an introspective second-guesser by nature, but the new heights motherhood took those tendencies too has been upsetting. I will never again feel ‘enough,’ even though somewhere in my depths I know that if I was given these children I *am* their enough.

One thing I love is seeing these amazing little persons unfolding before my very eyes day by day.
Val´s last blog ..Krystal
Christy
Apr 20, 2010
Oh my god the tub shits. Touch wood, that hasn’t happened in awhile, but oh my god. The biggest thing/adjustment to motherhood for me was the being responsible for another human being 24/7. That alone is exhausting, an exhaustion in a completely different category all together from the actual lack of sleep that goes with having kids. Does that make sense?

I love seeing all three of my kids talking or playing together. Love it. Over the weekend, I watched my girls sit on the back steps, deep in conversation about something, and I just love seeing them together like that.
Jan
Apr 20, 2010
Is it OK to say I don’t hate anything about motherhood? Because I can’t think of anything I hate or hated. Peace.
Jan´s last blog ..I Laugh Nearly Every Day
carrien (she laughs at the days)
Apr 20, 2010
The thing I hate:

Knowing that no matter what I do they will still be a little screwed up in the end. Because I’m not perfect, no one is, and it’s inescapable. I’m waiting for the day when they start telling me all my faults. Like, when they are teenagers.

One of the best parts I think, though I didn’t at first, is that this work of mothering has forced me to grow and mature in ways I didn’t even know I could or needed to. I like myself a whole lot better 9 years into this mothering journey. I’m stronger, I’m more like the kind of woman I would like to be than I was before.
carrien (she laughs at the days)´s last blog ..One Thousand Gifts-Week 47
corasmom
Apr 20, 2010
The potty-training is killing me (and the laundry mountains that go with it), but most of all I too have to go with The Fear.

Today I am loving that my 4yo has her own imaginary land and that this morning she declared me Queen of the Mommies. Her imagination thrills me.
corasmom´s last blog ..Turn here for Memory Lane
Karen
Apr 20, 2010
So many comments! I want to read them all but there simply are too many! LOL

I hate: Now my husband hates when I say this but my kids are constantly up my ass. So damn needy requiring 24/7 attention from me and me alone. They don’t demand this from their father. I don’t mind playing. Actually I’m really bad at playing. I simply don’t know what to do with toys. But I don’t mind trying. I love reading to me kids. I could do that forever. Though if you’re going to have me read to you don’t constantly turn the pages back and forward. Let me read. Whole other rant. I don’t mind giving attention. But give me breaks! My sanity needs it!

I love: My 2-year-old is learning how to give kisses. Nuff.Said.
Karen´s last blog ..Rat Pics!
Angel Smith
Apr 20, 2010
My favorite thing is watching their personalities develop. It is quite literally akin to watching a tree grow up and out and seeing it’s branches thicken and tangle as they reach for the sun. And they are *so* different.

Faith is fierce and headstrong and so resilient, and she brings me flowers from the yard every single day and she takes off all her clothes every chance she gets and she says things like “my butt’s been cracking up all day” when we tell her for the hundredth time to pull up her pants.

Emily is sensitive and passionate and has such a thirst for knowledge. She love science and she gets straight A’s in gifted classes and she tells me every day that I’m a wonderful Mommy. She loves to read and she rides her bike like she is on Falcor, soaring above Fantasia.

Christian is loyal and street-smart. He’s highly intelligent, but has trouble with traditional educational methods. He learns best by doing..even without instruction, he will figure it out best by getting his hands dirty and working it out on his own. He’s intensely protective of his sisters and, yes, even me, and his friends mean as much to him as family..much like mine still do to me.

My least favorite thing about mothering is how the mere act of becoming a mother seems to put you up for inspection and judgment by other mothers. We all torture ourselves with self-doubts…why do some women feel justified in quieting those inner voices by pointing fingers and throwing tomatoes at other mothers? We know it’s the most hurtful thing you can hurl at another mother, and yet that is the exact soft spot many go for, because they know it wields the most influence over the spirit.
Angel Smith´s last blog ..But sometimes it *is* all rainbows and butterflies.
Jodee
Apr 20, 2010
What I hate about Motherhood is the constant whinying oh the continual whinying makes me want to shove sharp objects in my ears. The same thing beig said 5 times in a row .. I heard you the first time. I hate how they are up my ass all the time.. I hate how when one sits in my lap the other wants to I only have one lap. I HATE Dora. I will not say what should be done to her.

What I love is the hugs and the kisses and all the snuggling. I love lying in bed with them and reading a story before lights out. My heart melts when my 4 year old tells me that I am ” the best mommy in the whole world” when I have totally not kept my temper that day. They are so loving an so forgiving when I fail as a mother. I love them and they complete me.:)
Jodee ´s last blog ..Maddie
Julie Pippert
Apr 20, 2010
Hate: Where is my personal space and my first person (I)? I have become an all-too-frequent third person (Mom) with inadequate boundaries.

Love: the growth, oh the growth and oh the humanity. They become their very own people and discover things as if they are the first ones ever and then one day they develop a true sense of humor (and sarcasm) and nothing goes over their heads anymore and you glory in it, even as you wonder whether you are perhaps slightly demented to do so because probably other parents love laughs or sparkling eyes or something poetic but you, you appreciate their wit and how your oldest is TOTALLY UNAFRAID to sass 14 year old boys at the park and call them chauvinists and your youngest has no idea there is anything she can’t do…
Julie Pippert´s last blog ..It’s more of a preference, you see, than so much of a more/manners issue
Erin
Apr 20, 2010
I know you will probably all throw things at me for this but right now, I don’t hate anything about motherhood. I have a 14 month old. We are currently in the golden age of babyhood. She sleeps 12 hours at night and 4 during the day. She is snuggly but gaining her independence, scootch by scootch. She just weaned so I’ve got my independence back too.

That being said, I know there are so many difficulties ahead….and I’m not ready to do the pregnancy/newborn thing again ANYTIME SOON.
Erin´s last blog ..Sunday Night Cry
Rebecca (Playground Confidential)
Apr 20, 2010
Afternoons in the park: I both love and hate them. Sometimes — often, usually — I take my kids to the park to air them out and am making mental checklists of all the things I need to get done, that I should be doing. It can be infuriating to feel like you are doing so little (ie. pushing a swing, hanging out at the sandbox) when you have so much that NEEDS to get done.
But then again, hanging out at the park is part of the job description, right? And that’s pretty cool.
Rebecca (Playground Confidential)´s last blog ..Am Moving, Cannot Blog … sorry.
Katherine from Postpartum Progress
Apr 20, 2010
Hate continuously feeling like I’m not doing everything that all the other mothers are doing and therefore I must suck. Particularly when it comes to little crafty things. I don’t do little crafty things — nothing with pipe cleaners, or homemade playdoh, etc.

I do cook from scratch, however, and never from out of a box, so can I get points for that?

As for what I love, I just adore being their mother. Listening to the silly things they say. (”Momma, I don’t want to go to Europe. They have foxes there that will eat me.”) Laying in their beds with them at night and smelling their hair and kissing their cushy, smushy cheeks.
Katherine from Postpartum Progress´s last blog ..The Best Alternative Treatment Options for Postpartum Depression
cheesefairy
Apr 20, 2010
The bad: I miss my old life. I can still see it, it hasn’t faded completely from view, and I miss it. I kind of want it back sometimes. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about my body but my life? That I want.

The good: That said, I appreciate every second that is mine anymore. half an hour of unexpected babysitting? Is enough to fill my “me” bank for a day. Which is sad, in a way, but not, in others.

And I love the weirdness of children. My son decided yesterday he would be a fireman. He is wearing slippers (fireman boots) and a pair of swim shorts (fireman shorts) and a hoodie (yep, fireman jacket) and sunglasses, to protect his eyes from the flame. WTF? It is so enjoyable to watch imaginations at work.

Also, at 4 years post-partum I still have not forgotten the HOLY FUCK incredibleness of growing a human being in my body FROM SCRATCH and then birthing it. Wow. I rule.

The bad again: Of course that’s this week. Throw any sleep deprivation into the mix and I am ready to hire a nanny and move to anywhere. Alone. Forever.

The pettiest thing I hate: children are little germ monsters and the snot is neverending and I hate it. Tub shits I can deal with. back to back colds followed by a stomach virus with 2 under 4 makes me catatonic with anger.

A neighbour of mine who has a 14 year old and a 5 year old said to me the other day, we’re so glad we had the 5 year old. Because now we never see the older one, he’s in his room all the time or out with friends. What would we be doing if the 5 y/o wasn’t around? My first thought: ENJOYING IT. My second: well, it does sound kind of lonely. I am trying to keep that in mind, lately, that this is so intense and so all consuming but soon it will not be and I am sure I will miss it, the way I currently miss getting drunk and listening to jukeboxes and flirting with assholes, even though at the time I felt like I was just marking time.
cheesefairy´s last blog ..Thoughts on His 2nd Birthday
kelly (@kblogger)
Apr 20, 2010
Hate:

Not being okay with just responding to a parenting situation instinctually. Instead analyzing my every move as a parent. Asking myself all the time: Is this is what my mother or father would do (and if the answer is yes, swinging as quickly as possible in the opposite direction). And, wondering if my kids will hate me. Yeah, that’s the worst.

Love:

My kids loving me just the same, regardless. And forgiving me effortlessly for my mistakes, without a thought.
kelly (@kblogger)´s last blog ..The Whys and Hows of A Vegetarian’s Journey
Kathy
Apr 20, 2010
Phenomenal post and amazing comments.

For me motherhood and childbirth are much the same. In childbirth there is the unknown, the uncomfortable, the mess and pain of labour then, finally you feel a relief that fills every cell of your being with an absolute and infinite love as you hold your child for the first time. That relief almost (almost!) erases the pain. In motherhood it’s just that the messiness and pain is spread out over years. Fortunately there are many, many great moments along the way that remind you of that infinite love you always carry. You don’t forget the frustration and irritation that children inevitably bring with them but the moments of bliss peppered throughout the day make everything more bearable.

My favourite thing about motherhood right now (to a 3 and a 5 year old) is that there is no judgement. They don’t care that my ass is too big, my hair is greying or that I haven’t had time to get my eyebrows waxed. They just want my attention – that’s all. I am their world and I love that. I find it stressful but I love it. What a beautiful world it would be if everyone looked at you with the innocence and simplicity of a child.
Kathy´s last blog ..Hello BlogHoppers

Libby Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 11:59 am
My husband and I have old pictures of our skinny selves hung up as inspiration to keep up our diets. My 5-year-old son took a look at me and said, “Wow, Momma. I bet the boys were REALLY chasing after you!”

Damn, I love that kid!
Kaye
Apr 20, 2010
I hate that they grow up too quick and leave home before you’re ready (he’s 19), because somewhere along the way you discovered that you really are a nurterer and now there’s no one to nurture and what the hell are you supposed to do with yourself now? Empty nest syndrome is real and it sucks.

When he was little, I hated having to get up at 6:00am on Saturday and Sunday because he had had 10 hours of sleep and now it was time to play. I am NOT a morning person.

When he started driving he became the world’s worst back seat driver. I’ve been driving for 30 years, but still apparently know NOTHING. It makes me crazy…just sit over there and shut up already.

I love the unconditional love on both sides; that he confides in me and is open about what’s going on in his life; the bedtime stories-snuggling together while I read the same books over and over and how, when he was trying to wheedle one more story, he would pick “Guess How Much I Love You, because he knew it was my favorite and trying to top each other over who loved who more; and, of course, the laughter. So many things to love.
Neen
Apr 21, 2010
Hate – My 19 month old has worked himself into a dandy case of functional constipation. You know, when there is absolutely no reason for him not to poop, he just doesn’t like to and has decided NOT TO! (I’d have a tub-shit bronzed at this point) Arrgh. So, tommorrow morning, I get to, for the first time in 18 years of parenting, stick a suppository up one of my kids asses. And, I’ve turned into one of those women who talk about nothing but their kids shit. Has he taken a shit lately, is he fighting taking a shit, what have I been feeding him to make it impossible for him not to take a shit. SHIT.

Love – I love having 16 and 18 year old proto-men, they’re smart, they’re funny and they have adult senses of humour and adult goals and dreams that they’re working toward making happen without needing me to do anything but encourage them. And I love having a 3 year old daughter and the 19 month old boy too, (except for the shitting part). 3 year olds are so bright and accepting and full of wonder, the baby loves me with all his wee heart. I love watching my older boys playing with the little ones, I love that you can see the type of Dad’s they’ll be when they are older. (I love that playing and caring for their little brother and sister has convinced them beyond a doubt that they will wait until they are MUCH OLDER to become Dads!)
But then, I’ve always loved toddlers and pre-schoolers, when the boys were 9, 10 years old, I’d have happily fostered them out for a year or 2.
Kristen
Apr 21, 2010
I hate the whole monotony of it. The same thing, every day. It’s like groundhog’s day. There is never a finished project. You turn your back to do some laundry and they’ve destroyed the playroom. You get that cleaned up only to have them rip through it after a nap. It just keeps going. And I often find myself thinking, with a load of laundry in one hand and a diaper in the other, “Really? All that schooling for THIS?”

But I do love the squeals and the belly laughs and the cuddles before bed.

But yeah, not the tub shit.
Kristen´s last blog ..RIP, mouse in the house
bea
Apr 21, 2010
The things I hated are mostly over now, and they all have to do with the way motherhood forces us back into our bodies. After a lifetime of convincing myself that I lived mostly in my brain, I discovered that hormones and sleep-deprivation have the power to affect everything I think of as ME. I am not patient, creative, smart, analytical, thoughtful, or wise. What I am (sometimes) is healthy and well-rested. When my body is broken from a forceps delivery and coursing with hormones regulating milk-supply and I haven’t slept for more than two hours at a time in weeks – I find out that the cerebral represents so very small a portion of who I am.

What I love? Everything else in life grows stale, decays, loses its freshness. But children? They get bigger and smarter and more themselves all the time.
bea´s last blog ..Good Writer, Bad Person
cagey
Apr 21, 2010
Hate? I miss being alone. God, I miss being ALONE. I would love to have an afternoon to luxuriate in my house ALONE.

Love? I truly enjoy just hanging out with my kids, taking them places and seeing their reactions. Sure, I love my kids, but I also LIKE them. Important distinction.
cagey´s last blog ..He probably thinks this post is about him.
cagey
Apr 21, 2010
Also? I am near the end of a mystery novel and I could really use that afternoon alone right about NOW. Like, TODAY. Sigh.
cagey´s last blog ..He probably thinks this post is about him.
Sheri Bheri
Apr 21, 2010
There’s nothing I hate about Motherhood. I wish I could spend MORE time doing it. I wish I could have another baby (maybe if I had two kids, there would be parts I hate). My daughter is remarkably easy, and a joy to me. Sure we argue and she has tantrums (she *is* 5), but generally we have a blast together (mostly because I don’t mind playing Barbies).

I actually think I’m doing a good job of it too.

Keeping house – not good.
My job – just okay.
As a wife – could do better.
Mom – keep up the good work!

I think this just goes to show you that everyone’s experience of motherhood is different, that’s why it can’t be nailed down.
Bec
Apr 21, 2010
I don’t hate anything about motherhood. I wonder, though, if stay-at-homes feel more exasperated about motherhood than those who work outside the home. I don’t spend a lot of time with my 2-year-old son during the week (maybe 2 hours at most) and I cherish every minute of it. Also, my husband and I have a pretty fair division of “labour,” since we both work.
selena
Apr 21, 2010
hate: The whining. Good Lord, the whining.

love:my incredible luck. it’s the only way I can explain the privilege of raising my boys.
selena´s last blog ..then and now
Libby
Apr 21, 2010
I’m TOTALLY with you on the pregnancy thing. I often tell people, “If I could only be pregnant for the second trimester and give birth to a 6-month-old, I’d have more children.”

Hate: The endless abyss of want. “Momma, I want…Momma, I want…Momma, I want…”

Love: When they look at you and from out of the blue declare, “Momma, I love you!”
Tania Thompson
Apr 21, 2010
#1 think I hate: watching things I’ve worked hard for be destroyed by the children, be it a cherished little object that I’ll never be able to replace or my career, or friendships…

#1 thing I love: learning to master my emotions and be better than I ever thought I’d have to be – than I ever even knew was possible.
Tania Thompson
Apr 21, 2010
#2 thing I hate: not being able to type better so that when I mean to type ‘thing’ I don’t type ‘think’. But that has very little to do with my children
dale
Apr 21, 2010
oh, how to narrow (either) down? The good: “licky icky sticky yum yum kisses” (know the quote? The bad: feeling like I’m never enough for their needs.
Bella
Apr 21, 2010
Hate: I had lots of things I hated when my twin boys were 0 – 2.5 years old (sleep deprivation, eating challenges, whining, etc.). Now there’s one thing: The GUILT. The guilt when I work that I’m away from my boys and the guilt when I’m at home that I didn’t get enough done at work. The guilt the one time I left the office an hour early so that I could have some time to myself BEFORE I see the kids. The guilt of not cooking for my kids every single night. The guilt goes on and on.

Love: For the first year since having twin boys, I can say I love almost every part of motherhood now (they’re 4); Holding their hands on our walk to school (NOTHING tops that part of my day) — the feel of the 3 of us linked in chatter and laughter and glee and feeling the same spring fever is INSANELY good; their laughter; the way they LIKE to share now, to play together, to pretend in whatever worlds they create for themselves for long stretches of time; cooking in our open kitchen and the boys playing at my feet (without worrying they’re going to burn themselves or otherwise kill themselves); watching them learn new physical skills seemingly all at the same time — biking, scootering, climbing, whatever; watching their intellect grow and change and explode every day; hearing their ever-whacky exclamations of just how much they love me; watching them learn to sound out words and GETTING that it’s a code they want to break; watching a new movie that I loved as a child, curled up on the couch with them and their father…
Bella´s last blog ..Can we think together about kids and the internet?
red pen mama
Apr 21, 2010
The age 3 and/or potty training. As they often go hand in hand, I wish I could sleep through this year.

Otherwise, your list encapsulates so much of what is hard about being a mom for me too.

My favorite thing about being a mom (aside from the kids) is watching them become little people. The 5yo is learning to read. She asks a TON of questions. The 3yo is wearing big girl underpants (not always without incident yet). She is a big giant goof, and she knows it. I love that they are little, separate people, so much of myself and my husband. That part (and the LOVE), that rocks.
red pen mama´s last blog ..Tanks So Much
Ewokmama
Apr 21, 2010
Yeah, your whole list is the same as mine.
Ewokmama´s last blog ..Caught in a Lie
Tina C.
Apr 21, 2010
i seem to remember talking about other things, besides our kids, with my friends and i miss those days.

i do like being in charge with the final word!!!
Twin Strollers
Apr 22, 2010
It’s proud to be a mother but it is not easy too. You have to take a lot of pains and care of yourself. Once a child is born you have to take care of the child and your husband. Congratulations!!! You are a proud mother.
ame i.
Apr 22, 2010
Fear is my #1. I am so glad my mind has started blocking the nightmares about something happening to one of my daughters. I would go insane if my nighmares took that route too often.
Ashley
Apr 22, 2010
This isn’t your typical “I Hate”, but it is my “hate” and has been for almost 2 years now.

I hate when it is time for her to go to Daddy’s for a week. I hate every day for the 7 days when she is at Daddy’s. I hate when she screams and cried for me because she doesn’t want to go to Daddy’s. I hate how my heart aches for the entire 7 days when she is gone.

I love when she comes home. I love when she tears herself from Daddy’s arms and runs into mine. I love when she randomly looks at me and says things like “Mommy, I love you.”, “Mommy, you’re the best cooker ever.”, “Mommy, did you know you’re the prettiest Mommy ever?”. And I love when after she says those things (even it’s after she just painted the wall with nail polish) I scoop her up with hugs, kisses and tickles and forget about when she has to go to Daddy’s.

**My angel will be 4 in the fall…. and the older she gets, the scarrier I get.**
Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry For Taking Lots And Lots Of Benadryl | Her Bad Mother
Apr 22, 2010
[...] Bad Mother | Archives | Causes | Their Bad Mother | The Bad Moms Club | The Basement « Previous [...]
Jennifer Martin
Apr 22, 2010
Hi Catherine, Loved you post and allow me to comment to my hate and love thing about motherhood. I haven’t read all of the comments so forgive me if someone has already mentioned this:

Hate: MY NEIGHBOURS KIDS. Three years ago, a Romanian family moved in across the street from us. They have a boy the same age as my son and a girl the same age as my daughter. It has been more of a curse than a blessing. To make a long story short, the parents have very different parenting styles from ours. The mother once explained to me that since she and her husband grew up in a communist country,where they had nothing, she wants to give her kids everything and every opportunity that she didn’t have (she literally invests in her kids)….I won’t go into further detail but I am sure you can imagine what these kids are like -very coddled, disrespectful and self centered children with no sense of value!

The thing I love about Motherhood is CHILDREN”S BOOKS. I love to spend hours in the kids section of the library or in a bookstore (sometimes without the kids). I think snuggling in their beds every night revisiting my favourite books and discovering new ones is the best perk of being a parent!!! I will be sad the day when my kids outgrow being read to.

Jennifer Martin Reply:
April 22nd, 2010 at 9:40 pm
RE MY NEIGHBOURS KIDS: I know that their being shouldn’t bother me but it is very hard when they are constantly wanting to play with my kids of that the mother is always over comparing her kids to mine….(If I hear one more time that her kids are “GIFTED” and need a challenge…..I don’t like the competition, feeling inferior, or the parental peer pressure.

Jennifer Martin Reply:
April 22nd, 2010 at 9:48 pm
BTW Excues me for my mother brain for the typos in that last remark .

I also wanted to add that I am also not a fan of children’s television (especially shows that are over marketed and merchandised). But I must admit that there has been many a Saturday morning when I think it saved my marriage ….There’s nothing like being in the throws of passion and hearing “You did it, You did it! Hooray!!!” or “Team work! Team work!”
Belinda
Apr 23, 2010
I think you are my soul mate.
I feel the same. I feel like I whinge and bitch about how shit so much of this motherhood stuff is (and how under appreciated it is) and yet, my children, the love, the smiles, they are the most amazing children in the world and i get to be with them. And one tiny moment can cause my heart to burst with love. And then I get back to the washing.
Belinda´s last blog ..Broken Arm, Part 2
Belinda
Apr 23, 2010
ooh, i forgot
favourite thing is hearing them laugh (and spying on them to see what they are up to) call me crazy i also like making their school lunches
worst thing is no matter what there is never any ‘me’ time. even when i am at the gym or reading a book i feel like i am ‘on call’
Belinda´s last blog ..Broken Arm, Part 2
RidgewoodMom
Apr 23, 2010
Hate:
Laundry. It is constantly left in the basket, and before the week is up, all if it is dirty again.
Feeding. Why does she torture me by not eating anything I give her, but she eats everything at day care?

LOVE:
Hugs, kisses, just being around her when she is in a good mood. The giggles… Watching her reach her monumental achievements.
RidgewoodMom´s last blog ..NFL Draft…. What the F…?
Links We Love: Runaway Moms, Unschooling and Twitter | News Blogg
Apr 23, 2010
[...] of the reality of motherhood, because the reality of motherhood defies tidy characterization. Her Bad Mother Why I Unschooled My Three Kids: Some people home school because they think schools teach too [...]
Allyson/@HBMomof2
Apr 23, 2010
Great post, you had me nodding…a lot.

Hate: Losing the fact that I was a whole person before having kids. I am not just someone’s mom, but you would never know it.

Love/Hate: Seeing my daughter take on the best attributes of both my husband and I and watching our son take on the worst. These dang kids are our mirror and sometimes it pisses me off.

Love: 1. Watching my kids experience and love something I have experienced and loved. My daughter is great soccer player and it brings her joy, but a healthier joy than I ever experienced playing. 2. The light in their eyes. 3. Snuggles (especially the ones right before bed that aren’t just cozy, but reflective and usually leave me teary) and 4. Spontaneous hugs and kisses.
Georgette
Apr 24, 2010
I hate being tired–all the time.

I love when I’m feeling tired and at my wits end and then they give you a look or make you laugh, and then you forget about all the bed parts.
Georgette´s last blog ..Kid’s Yoga & Art Open House
abtru
Apr 24, 2010
What I hate most is the noise level with four kids(between the ages of 12 and 4.) They never stop talking or singing or blaring music or tvs.
What I love about my children is that they talk to me and they always have something to say that will interest me and most likely make me laugh or cry or scream. Hearing whats on their minds is priceless.
Jan
Apr 24, 2010
My kids are grown. I remember the days when I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore. We made it through. The thing I hate and the thing I love is that you NEVER get to stop being a mommy. The problems only get bigger and you have bigger things to worry about BECAUSE you can’t go with them and follow them around and solve all their grownup stuff!!!! But the friendship and adult relationship is worth it all!! Wish there had been mommy blogs when mine were little.
Elizabeth
Apr 24, 2010
Loved reading this post, and especially all the comments. I’m at the other end of this journey with 2 kids in college and 1 teenager at home, but this certainly brings back a lot of memories, both wonderful and difficult. I have to say that in my experience most of the “hard” items have softened over time (well, not the laundry, I STILL hate that). I had a child who didn’t sleep for years, too, but somehow the memory of exhaustion faded and I mostly remember feeling that warm, heavy, sweet-smelling head on my shoulder in the middle of the night. It’s like childbirth – if you remembered how bad it was you’d never do it again.
Worst thing ever? Getting thrown up on – I can’t be the only one!
Steven
Apr 25, 2010
I think you are my soul mate.
I feel the same. I feel like I whinge and bitch about how shit so much of this motherhood stuff is (and how under appreciated it is) and yet, my children, the love, the smiles, they are the most amazing children in the world and i get to be with them. And one tiny moment can cause my heart to burst with love. And then I get back to the washing.
Belinda´s last blog ..Broken Arm, Part 2
Steve
Apr 25, 2010
Great post, you had me nodding…a lot.

Hate: Losing the fact that I was a whole person before having kids. I am not just someone’s mom, but you would never know it.

Love/Hate: Seeing my daughter take on the best attributes of both my husband and I and watching our son take on the worst. These dang kids are our mirror and sometimes it pisses me off.

Love: 1. Watching my kids experience and love something I have experienced and loved. My daughter is great soccer player and it brings her joy, but a healthier joy than I ever experienced playing. 2. The light in their eyes. 3. Snuggles (especially the ones right before bed that aren’t just cozy, but reflective and usually leave me teary) and 4. Spontaneous hugs and kisses.
Dave
Apr 25, 2010
I could almost cry with joy that I am not alone on this one. I love my little guys voice. I think it is so sweet I almost can’t stand it. But when he goes on and on and on and on especially when I have a thousand other things on my mind I feel like my head is going to burst and then to top it off I feel guilty for not wanting to listen to him.

Thanks so much for the post.
Simon
Apr 26, 2010
Great post, you had me nodding…a lot.

Hate: Losing the fact that I was a whole person before having kids. I am not just someone’s mom, but you would never know it.

Love/Hate: Seeing my daughter take on the best attributes of both my husband and I and watching our son take on the worst. These dang kids are our mirror and sometimes it pisses me off.

Love: 1. Watching my kids experience and love something I have experienced and loved. My daughter is great soccer player and it brings her joy, but a healthier joy than I ever experienced playing. 2. The light in their eyes. 3. Snuggles (especially the ones right before bed that aren’t just cozy, but reflective and usually leave me teary) and 4. Spontaneous hugs and kisses.
Tammy
Apr 26, 2010
Things I hate:

1) They break things and I hate the cost to repair or replace.

2) Lice. Never had it before I was a mom and in the last year I’ve had it four times. (Getting rid of it costs a lot of money too, and then your kids gets reinfested.) I hate that I can’t even scratch my head legitimately without being all freaked out and suspicious.

3) I hate that they fight like they hate one another, and I’m powerless to control those feelings.

4) I hate that they’re growing up so fast. They’re 10 and 8 now, but I swear to all of you who have babies and toddlers, it’s unbelievable that time has passed so quickly.

I was once sleep deprived like all of you, but one day it goes away and the next thing you know your nine year old independent daughter is asking if she can cruise around Disneyland by herself and meet you back at the front gates after the fireworks show.

Which just leads to a completely different list of things I hate.
Theresa
Apr 26, 2010
I hate that in just three short years, it will be college time. And I hate that at 15 there are no more hugs and kisses freely given, unless you mask them in playful stealth.

I love that I can see all the positives in him and that even when I don’t think he is listening; he shows me in action that he listens all the time, thoroughly.

I love that at 15 I am still the most influential person in his life when it really counts. And that is saying alot!!
Jillian Michaels Hates Your Body. Jillian Michaels Can Suck It. | Her Bad Mother
Apr 26, 2010
[...] Bad Mother | Archives | Causes | Their Bad Mother | The Bad Moms Club | The Basement « Previous [...]
Perfect Girl
Apr 26, 2010
I don’t have children, but I read you because of your writing, and I always thought I would have children, but, it turns out, I won’t be.

All of what you describe about the fear is why I am glad I won’t be having children. I call it not having to have a Mother’s Heart.

I couldn’t bear it. The strength of mothers astounds me.

I appreciate your last paragraph, though, because the kids have just Got to live in an environment with a mother like you.

Makes for a better world.
Temerity Jane » Blog Archive » You don’t know my hypothetical future child. Should I have it?
Apr 27, 2010
[...] Catherine at Her Bad Mother had a post recently called “10 Things I Hate About Motherhood (And One That I love).” It was, in part, a reaction to a post on Jezebel about how the childless are kind of being scared away from having children. Mommy blogs have long (”long” being a relative term, but we are talking about Internet time here) been regarded as the first real public declaration by mothers that that shit is hard. And that sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it sucks a lot. Previously, it was kind of an unspoken secret, I guess – being childless, I never gave it too much thought. To those of us who have been blogging for a hundred years, it doesn’t seem like a big deal – there’s so much of… everything… on the Internet that mothers admitting that sometimes they don’t care for being a mother is hardly the most shocking thing we’ll see – in a single day, even. [...]
motheroad
Apr 28, 2010
GAH! I’m crying, dammit.
What We’re Babbling About: April 29, 2010 | Strollerderby
Apr 29, 2010
[...] sacrifices — sleep, your old body, and maybe a little sanity. Read Her Bad Mother’s 10 Things I Hate About Motherhood. And when you’re done, be sure to check out LilSugar’s 50 Things All Moms Should [...]
Thank you for not being perky » Blog Archive » Revisiting motherhood
Apr 29, 2010
[...] Bad Mother writes a lovely post about 10 things I hate about motherhood. I thank the internets for sending me women who are thoughtful and articulate, thusly she says: But [...]
Louise Esola
Apr 29, 2010
Well said! Me? I hate that I sometimes don’t have a minute to myself. I have to shower/go to the bathroom with an audience. Number 10 on your list made me cry! I live in San Diego where two young girls were murdered by some creep over the last year. (I wrote this in my weekly newspaper column: http://www.nctimes.com/news/local/columnists/esola/article_2ca418f9-992f-5cff-b727-402e0118a72b.html
Number 11 is right on, too. I do have moments, everyday, where I feel truly blessed for my role as a mom.
Louise Esola´s last blog ..Streak over to the bookstore and pick up your copy: "Look Better Naked" goes beyond the normal diet book
Elaine
Apr 29, 2010
I LOATHE the tantrums and whining. One person can only take so much whining. I currently have a two-year old, can you tell?

But I love the night-time snuggles and the hugs and smiles. THE. BEST. EVER.
phoenix
Apr 30, 2010
yelling. i hate yelling. i hate the knowledge that two little people who together weigh less than 85lbs can drive me from rational, sane, non-violent, mature person to blithering hollering idiot in milliseconds.

also, guilt.

but their ability to turn me into a joyous fool, willing to laugh out loud, do silly dances, and dress up in tutus where before i was much too reserved? that i adore.
Liz
Apr 30, 2010
I have a 7 and 9 year old.

What I hated: The intense feelings of loss of self, loneliness, and the 24/7 /365 drudgery of childcare, housework, fatigue, and chaos for the first few years. It was brutal at times. Neverending. Exhausting. Hard work.

What I love: Those days are over and I’ve entered into what I consider the “golden years” of motherhood. It’s much easier now and I really enjoy being with my kids. They’re interesting, funny, and good little companions. They help out too. Plus, I’ve gotten “myself” back a bit and am really happy to be right where I am these days.
Liz
Apr 30, 2010
Oh and more thing I hated: Having to wake up at 6 am with toddlers on a Sat. morning and play with blocks and watch Sesame Street when I desperately wanted to just sleep in. Or being sick (cold, flu etc.) and desperately wanting someone to take care of ME for a day but still having to take care of everyone else. That REALLY sucked!
Violet
Apr 30, 2010
Right now, God yes, the incessant noise! Nonstop talking, almost always needing responses from me; and when there isn’t a running monologue going on, there is shrieking and yelling and unholy sounds that no human could possibly be making. But I also hate the discipline worry. Our 4 year old doesn’t want to listen, and timeouts don’t faze her, so what next? How harsh should a punishment be? What behaviors should you just ignore? Are we scarring her for life by being too hard on her? Or making her too spoiled by being too soft?

Of course, had you asked 6 months ago, it would have been the fact that I was trapped in my house with my 1 year old son, who was too hyper and loud to take out in public. So no one could ever see the adorable boy I saw at home, because he was an insane maniac with a Velocorapter shriek outside. I’m SO glad we’re past that stage!

But watching them together; watching my daughter teach my son to sign “Old MacDonald”, and her excitement when he gets it; the smiles and giggles; makes it all worth it. Usually.
sandi
May 1, 2010
1, 4, 9, and 10 above all equally. It’s the impact on my mental health that I hate the most, I hate the psycho bitch I have become. The physical aspects don’t bother me.

I loved -mostly- being pregnant all three times, I’d do it again if finances permitted.

I am lucky enough to have employed both of the professionals you mention above. I am not now, and never was, physically perfect, however, there was no f-ing way in hell I, at 36, was going through the entire rest of my life with sagging breasts, thank you very much. I personally think that breast implants and/or lifts should be covered by health insurance as restorative surgery, but I digress.

As for kids’ tv, I’m in on pretty much anything on Nickelodeon.

As far as food and clothes, I determined before having kids to pick my battles in those departments. Hey if they want cereal three meals a day I’ll let them eat it. Number 1, eventually they’ll want and eat something really, really healthy like corn mixed with black beans. Number 2, the majority of humankind has survived on a far more limited diet. Number 3, I don’t get pissed off at the little buggers for wasting both my time and my food.

7 & 8 (diapers and laundry). The former never bothered me, the latter my husband “does”. Meaning he literally crams as much as he possibly can into the washer, transfers it to the dryer, stuffs it into baskets, empties the baskets on the floor on Saturday and we (including the kids 7, 6, and 4) take the piles and dump them into the drawers. (Now for my stuff, I do that my self). Don’t get me wrong, I HATE the way HE does laundry. But honestly, it gets done and it beats me doing it.

You hit the nail on the head with everything else, but I’ll add two things: My fear of the children being abducted, molested and/or murdered (I’m a former assistant prosecutor) and that I love the feeling I get when I look into those little faces with their great big eyes and know that I am the most important person in the world to them and they are to me.

Thanks for your blog Catherine. You have helped restore me to sanity many, many times, and I am especially grateful for your posts on deciding to medicate.
statia
May 2, 2010
What I love about motherhood: Watching them learn something new. Watching them make a connection. I love feeling needed. I love being able to comfort them when they need it.

What I hate: Being the ONLY one who is needed/wanted all the damn time. I love being needed, but then the whining and crying starts and the ability to leave the room for five minutes without someone howling for me. I’ve started leaving the house one night a week just I can work or surf the internet in total peace. I also hate three year olds. I think they’re bullshit.
statia´s last blog ..Ding dong the witch is dead (or life with a destructive baby)
An Overdue Love Letter « Red Pen Mama
May 8, 2010
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