We Don’t Need Another Hero

October 19, 2010

I love this boy. I can’t save this boy. Nor can I save his mother’s heart from breaking. Nor can I save my own. But I have to let go of this idea that I should be able to save anybody. I have to let go of the idea that anything short of wholesale rescue, [...]

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If Wishes Were Horses, I Wouldn’t Need Air Canada

October 15, 2010

This weekend I’m flying out west to visit Tanner and family, and to say that my anticipation is bittersweet is understatement in the extreme. I am, of course, thrilled to be seeing them, and to be seeing him, and, because I am making this trip to get things started on Tanner’s Biggest Wish Project, there’s [...]

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I Was Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop, And Then…

October 5, 2010

This is turning out to be one of those weeks that is usually described as one of those weeks. I have a really bad head cold. Jasper isn’t sleeping. It’s raining outside. Somebody died, and it was the kind of death that’s difficult to explain to neighbours who catch you on your front porch, sobbing. [...]

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You Do The Hokey Pokey And You Write An Elegy

October 4, 2010

I was mid-way through a rant about Malcolm Gladwell when I saw this tweet from my friend Jenny. “Rest in peace, Nancy W. Kappes,” it said. My heart dropped. You probably didn’t know Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal, but your life would have been richer if you did. Nancy was a self-professed ‘bad mom,’ an impious [...]

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Sense Memory, Addendum

August 31, 2010

My dad wore Brut aftershave, the kind that comes in that opaque green bottle with the fake gold medallion. He didn’t wear it a lot, but it was the only aftershave that he used when he did use aftershave, and so it burned into my psyche – along with cigarette smoke (Players) and aged leather [...]

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Goodbye Is Just Another Word

August 24, 2010

I labored over a post about this, about this dark anniversary, about how this year has changed me, about how I still cry. But the words were confused, the sentences messy, the paragraphs long, the ideas incoherent, and it occurred to me that I do not need to struggle to put everything into words. That [...]

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Black Flies And Dryer Lint And Dragons, Oh My

August 3, 2010

It took me a while to figure why I was crying, why I kept bursting into tears at silly, random things, like an excess of dryer lint, or a dearth of toilet paper. I had just figured it to be hormones, or a passing mood, you know, the kind that you fall into when you’ve [...]

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A Real Boy

July 27, 2010

Every visit to the doctor, now, brings bad news. In the early days, there were reassurances and messages of hope – some boys make it out of their teens, there are ways to slow the deterioration of his muscles, he might stay mobile for a long time, he might still get to enjoy some of [...]

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A Tree That Looks At God All Day

June 30, 2010

I’m struggling, a little. Maybe a lot. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s just me buckling under the weight of too many sad things. Maybe it’s that thing that happens when you realize that you’re not as strong as you thought you were, that you’re not invincible, that you can’t stop bad things from [...]

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Things That Go Bump In The Light Of Day

June 1, 2010

It is, of course, our greatest fear. It is the bogeyman in our closet, the monster under our bed. It is the shadow that lurks behind every tree in the wood, it is the crackle of every twig, it is the sudden silencing of birds, the darkening of the sky, the unexpected chill in the [...]

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