Bizarro World

April 2, 2007

Too many words. There are just too many words, more than I can manage right now, required to tell the story – stories – of the Magical MommyBlogger Mystery Tour, Kentucky Edition. It was wonderful, amazing, fascinating – all those good things that you love (or hate) to read about.

But I can’t tell those stories right now, because I’m a little bit distracted, sitting in my office at school, waiting for my husband to come and pick me up and take me to the hospital to investigate some mysterious chest pain, having had a long and disturbing telephone call with an ER resident about my symptoms. I’m – what’s the term? – wigging out, just a little bit.

All that I can do is wait, and nervously wring my hands. I’m anxious. Is it bizarre that I’m blogging right now, as I wait to be ferried to the hospital? I can’t think what else to do.

Ironic, or perfectly fitting, that, after a weekend of analyzing mommyblogging and spinning fascinating theories about what is mommyblogging and why mommyblogging and what is writerly about mommyblogging, this mommyblogger is reduced to blithering and spewing stream-of-consciousness babble?

I’m anxious. I hate doctors. I’m a worrier. I’ve barely seen my baby since I returned home. I’m worried, and I don’t want to go to the hospital, I want to go home to my baby.

I need you to tell me this: that I’ll be fine. That it’s fine for me worry. That I’m not crazy for writing through this immediate, impossible anxiety on a blog. That it’s all just fine.

It’s all fine, it will all be fine.

He’ll be here soon; I need to pack up and go.

(breathe deeply, and hit publish…)


UPDATE: I have not, it seems, had a heart attack. I had a lot of the same symptoms, but they did all variety of unpleasant test – blood, heart traces, ECG – and there was no discernible damage to my heart (other, I suppose, than that wrought by my anxiety) and so no evidence of an attack. They don’t know what happened; I’m going to the doctor again this afternoon. But at least the immediate worries have been allayed.

Thank you so, so, so much for your concern and your support, and your understanding. Friends, all of you.

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    { 88 comments }

    gingajoy April 2, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    I think it was the shock of meeting me. Most definitely. These pains will soon be replaced by extreme nausea and a repulsion at the sight of all things orange. It should pass in about 48 hours.

    (just joking as a diversion tactic. i’m worried about you…. but also know you are completely and utterly fine)

    (have you tried belching?)

    CPA Mom April 2, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    I’ll be praying for you. I’m sure all is well and the ER doctor is being cautious. You’ll be home with WonderBaby in no time.

    Crunchy Carpets April 2, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    Reeeelaaaaxxxxxxx…..

    all will be fine!

    Much More Than A Mom April 2, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    Oh dear – I understand your worry, but it’s probably just really bad gas. Try a beer, and then a big burp.

    FishyGirl April 2, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    Remember that whenever you talk to a doctor about anything even remotely involving the words “chest pain” they are going to send you to the ER no matter what to make sure their butts are covered. Even if you are their friend. If you are withit enough to write, you’ll be fine. If you are okay with internet hugs, I send you one, and if you aren’t, forget I mentioned it, okay?

    Feel better.

    Lawyer Mama April 2, 2007 at 1:08 pm

    I’m sure you’re fine. I’m sure you’re fine. Did that help at all? Well, how about if I tell you I had a mysterious chest pain experience a few years ago and it turned out to be a pulled muscle in a very misleading place?

    I hope everything’s OK!

    Blog Antagonist April 2, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    A couple of years ago, I was convinced I was on the verge of a massive heart attack. After a lot of worrying which could have been circumvented if I had just taken my butt to the doctor, it was found that I had GERD, thanks to a nice little hiatal hernia, courtesy of my 9lb 5oz. Diminutive One. I got some Nexxium, and boy, did I feel better.

    I’m sure it’s nothing serious.

    You have to be fine and come back because I need to ask you how you get in on all these fantastic blogging thinktank opportunities. :? )

    Mouse April 2, 2007 at 1:16 pm

    I can’t imagine that this is too serious if you’re still able to write coherently. No, it’s not a clinical diagnosis, but it seems like something that should be in one of those diagnosis flow charts. Able to blog? Follow the arrow to a lesser problem.

    I do remember thinking I was having heart problems when I was an undergraduate. Turned out to be too much caffeine.

    Kelly April 2, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Hope all is well. Anxiety can cause some very suspicious symptoms too…

    Chag April 2, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    Hope everything is ok.

    Ms. B April 2, 2007 at 1:58 pm

    You are too young to experience anything serious.

    Don’t worry. It’s either anxiety, stress (being away from WonderBaby) or pulled muscle, cold or stomach ulcer.

    You will be just fine.

    Beck April 2, 2007 at 2:00 pm

    Well, as scary as it is, it’s likely nothing. I get SEVERE chest pain as part of my deelightful anxiety attacks, for example. Another friend has severe heartburn that causes her bad chest pain. There are all sorts of way more likely minor causes than it being something serious in an otherwise healthy woman in her 30s. But I’ll keep you in my prayers, regardless.

    Beck April 2, 2007 at 2:01 pm

    I meant “likely nothing” in an encouraging, loving way and not a dismissive sort of way, by the way.

    julia April 2, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    I like the beer and a big burp remedy.

    I’ll have one for you, while you’re waiting to see the doctor. Here’s hoping it’s all just fine.

    Erin April 2, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    You’ll be fine. It is ok to worry, but don’t over do it, because you’ll be ok. :)

    Also, to tag along with everyone else’s chest pains that aren’t a big deal stories, my mom was taken, by ambulance, to the hospital several years ago with chest pains so severe she couldn’t breathe. The cause? She’d had leftover chinese AND mexican food for dinner the night before, giving her a hellish case of heartburn. The look on the doctor’s face when she told him what she’d had for dinner is one I won’t soon forget.

    Pendullum April 2, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    Hope all checked out okay…
    Glad you went to have it checked…

    metro mama April 2, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    Call me if you need anything.

    Karen April 2, 2007 at 2:51 pm

    one more thing that mommy blogging may or may not be…a filler for all the moments when we’re just waiting. Now you can add to your report card “makes good use of time.” Don’t forget, you’re fine, very fine.

    bubandpie April 2, 2007 at 2:57 pm

    Oh, I hope I didn’t pass the plague on to you. It started out with chest pain (heaviness in the chest), and then went from there to coughing, laryngitis, sinus pain, fever, runny nose, and finally debilitating headache (the fun part you got to witness). If you develop any of the above symptoms, I will feel VERY GUILTY!

    merseydotes April 2, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    One time I almost drove myself to the hospital in the middle of an all-day meeting for work. I was convinced that I had appendicitis and was going to need to make arrangements for someone to pick Petunia up from daycare, etc. I thought, ‘God, I hope I make home to Virginia to go to the hospital because getting stuck in one in Maryland would suck.’

    And then I started to fart and realized that I just had gas.

    Here’s hoping that you’ve got something really innocuous and funny happening inside you. Keep breathing…

    Redneck Mommy April 2, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    Oh dear. The worrier in me is well, worried.

    I’m sure it’s just heartburn or gas or something equally annoying but not as serious as you know, congestive heart failure or anything…

    I’m going to stop.

    You are going to be okay.

    And when you get home and cuddle with the WB and the hubs is making you tea and rubbing your feet, you are going to log on to your laptop and come see me in my spanking new digs. (Which has a new addy as well.)

    Much love.

    Mimi April 2, 2007 at 3:17 pm

    Beer plus burp. I join the chorus. Good luck! And snuggle both husband and WonderBaby to alleviate symptoms …

    Mayberry April 2, 2007 at 3:23 pm

    Breathe deeply; and then come back and update this post ASAP!

    kgirl April 2, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    Good god!
    I’m thinking very very positive thoughts for you.

    Mom101 April 2, 2007 at 3:56 pm

    Holy fuck. I’m thinking about you – please report back (and report back that this is stress related nothing).

    nonlineargirl April 2, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    sending you my best wishes….

    Canuckedup mama April 2, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    Sending positive thoughts. It will be ok!

    gingajoy April 2, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    OK. You are now officually scaring the crap out of me and making me eat my flippant first comment words. SEND US WORD! (wringing hands now)

    Lara April 2, 2007 at 4:58 pm

    yes, it will be totally fine. and yes, it is completely understandable to write your way through the anxiety. we’ve all written through some nasty sh- er, stuff, and we all get it. i’ll send lots of good thoughts.

    Mrs. Chicky April 2, 2007 at 5:01 pm

    Okay. It will be fine. Do you hear me?! Fine!

    It’s just anxiety, right? I get that sometimes. It will all be fine.

    I’m thinking of you, hoping you’re, in fact, fine.

    Kyla April 2, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    Of course its normal to worry…and equally normal to be blogging while worrying. I’m hoping, hoping that is it absolutely nothing and you’ll be back soon with an update and lots of stories! If you aren’t back soon, then I’ll have to start worrying!

    Mir April 2, 2007 at 5:13 pm

    Um, ack? Please be okay, Catherine, and come back and let us know all is well. Thinking of you.

    Jennifer April 2, 2007 at 5:36 pm

    Please feel better soon! We’re all worried.

    Jenn April 2, 2007 at 5:57 pm

    Catherine, I am sure you are going to be okay. I know with my anxiety, I get severe chest pains. Also had to do my stint in the er and found out I had a bruised sternum. NO idea how that happened. Just relax and remember there are a lot of reasons for chest pains that are NOT something to wig out about.

    Be sure to let us know, hon.

    Tania April 2, 2007 at 5:59 pm

    It is Wonderbaby withdrawal or perhaps you have first-responsitis, where one experiences roaming cramps and random anxiety-induced episodes, cured only by peeing on a stick.

    jen April 2, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    oh baddy bad bad. thinking of you.

    slouching mom April 2, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    I am worried. Cuz that’s what I DO. But you did just take an airplane, or two, or three, right? I worry about clots.

    I’m glad you’re getting this checked out.

    But please, please update us!!

    MotherBumper April 2, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    I’m with Tania on this one. I’m telling you it’s super fine to worry, that it’s nothing and it’s completely freakin’ normal to feel/post this way. Seriously, it is.

    That said, I called my mom and had her say a little prayer… she has s direct line (or so she tells me).

    Heather April 2, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    I can see how being away from wonderbaby would cause heart troubles. Hope all’s well.

    mothergoosemouse April 2, 2007 at 7:43 pm

    You’re fine. Do you hear me? YOU’RE FINE. Because you HAVE TO BE.

    Seriously – please update when possible, if only to say “I’m fine”.

    Mary G April 2, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    Adding a note (I think I’m #40) to the best wishes column. If it isn’t serious, don’t be embarassed — the last heart attack I didn’t have turned out to have been caused by lugging a heavy briefcase through too many terminals.
    Hugs!

    Mrs. Chicken April 2, 2007 at 7:50 pm

    You’re fine. I’m certain of it! Indigestion from early pregnancy?

    AnotherMomCreation April 2, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    It’s probably nothing serious. Maybe just a little inflamation of the lining of your rib cage, or just gas, or reflux. Dh just got diagnosed with reflux.
    But getting it checked out is the best thing to do…
    Let us know what happens.

    Ruth Dynamite April 2, 2007 at 8:11 pm

    Thinking of you. Breathe in. Breathe out. It’ll pass.

    mamatulip April 2, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    Keep breathing.

    Thinking of you.

    xo

    something blue April 2, 2007 at 8:42 pm

    Picture of health! Yes? I’m sure but can’t wait for the confirmation.

    Oh, The Joys April 2, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    I have strange pains in the chest sometimes. I once even had an ultrasound of my heart for it – but no one has figured out what it is…

    I understand the anxious feeling.

    I hope you are feeling well soon.

    Nancy April 2, 2007 at 8:59 pm

    Yikes, oh yikes. Hoping you are really OK, and looking forward to your report that all is indeed fine.

    In the meantime: yikes.

    Sandra April 2, 2007 at 9:11 pm

    You’ll be fine.

    It is fine for you worry.

    You are not crazy for writing through this immediate, impossible anxiety on a blog.

    It’s all just fine.

    Okay, sending loads of positive vibes and supportive virtual hugs over to you. If you need anything. At. All. You know where I am. Seriously.

    But you won’t, cause it’s all gonna be fine.

    Kyla April 2, 2007 at 9:16 pm

    You haven’t checked in, dear. I keep checking. Let us know you are okay. Because YOU ARE OKAY.

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