He Says It’s His Birthday

July 31, 2008

This man? I love this man. He’s a big ol’ doofus, and sometimes a bit of an ass, but he’s my hero, my heart, the love of my life. And it’s his birthday.

And seeing as he’s always asking me why he doesn’t get more love on this here blog (“Why don’t you write about me more?” I didn’t think you’d want me to. “I wouldn’t mind.” Okay. —silence— “Are you going to?” Maybe. —silence— “You could explain to everyone that I’m really an ass.” DONE.) I thought, why not make this all about him? Which is to say, why not ask you to make this all about him. I’m tired today, and besides, I need to go out and get him cake. You all should do the work. Leave him some love in the comments, and then I’ll take all the credit. (See, honey? I got the intarwebs to make love to you on my blog! Happy now?)

He likes puns, dirty jokes, music and links to stupid things on the Internet. He’s been known to laugh at pictures of meerkats. If you have any tips for making the perfect espresso, catching fish, or dealing with moody wives, then I’m sure he’d like to hear about that, too.

Dispense your gifts in the comments. I’ll get the cake.

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    laurie July 31, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    Happy birthday.

    Such an occasion calls for nothing less than crazy rogue helicopter pilot guy, which never fails to make me laugh out loud, but maybe that’s because I’m also insane.:


    Also, http://elbo.ws is my favorite site for links to mp3s. Have fun and a lovely birthday!

    sweetney July 31, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    okay, fine. for HBF:


    [gives The Goat]

    candesintx July 31, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    That’s the cutest ass if I ever saw one. Well that’s not true, I wipe one every day and despite what comes out of it, it’s still cute.

    SO! Have ya tried fly fishing? Truly an art form that I only have patience to do for 1 hr then I break out the standard rod… (oh where to go with THAT one).

    Happy Freakin’ birthday. And yes, chocolate is a great sacrificial offering to keep the peace.

    Amelia Sprout July 31, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    Happy Birthday! Espresso is about the time it takes for the steam to make it through the grounds. Adjusting that, if you can, is the key to getting a good crema, and a smooth shot. Also, don’t let it sit. If you’re going to do something with it (like steamed milk) don’t let it sit for more than 10 minutes after it finishes pulling. Any Barista that does should be shot.
    I personally like the Italian stovetop makers. Not a “shot” per say, but best at home coffee ever.
    Now, if you want to know how steam milk for the perfect cappuccino, it is going to cost you.

    caramama July 31, 2008 at 10:43 pm

    Happy Birthday, HBF! Love that pic of you and the kiddos!

    To deal with moody wives, do more housework. Even more than you are doing. It’s (almost) better than sex for the moody wife. And could possibly lead to sex!

    Since someone mentioned Chuck Norris, here’s a fun link: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
    (By the way, for the google search for “find chuck norris” you are supposed to click the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button after you enter the search term.)

    Velma July 31, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Happy Birthday, HBF. All I can say is it must take a very special man to partner the magnificent HBM and produce such lovely children. (I got no puns tonight, unfortunately, only quiet encouragement.)

    VDog July 31, 2008 at 11:17 pm

    Happy Birthday!!

    Hope it was a good one.

    Don Mills Diva July 31, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    Happy birthday Her Bad Father!

    SUEB0B July 31, 2008 at 11:54 pm

    Happy Birthday, Her Bad Dad.

    He MUST be cool if he married you.

    Anonymous August 1, 2008 at 12:11 am

    For you birthday, click on this link and play a slide show of pictures of your sweet wonderful family in your head starting with the fabulous photo posted today by your lovely wife. And hey, Happy Birthday.


    Lady M August 1, 2008 at 12:20 am

    Happy Birthday, HBF!

    Meerkat and pimped squirrel (separate pictures, unfortunately):

    Jozet at Halushki August 1, 2008 at 12:23 am

    Also born on July 31: Harry Potter and my youngest child.

    A great day, indeed!

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2008 at 12:34 am

    Jozet! Noble company indeed! (happy b-day to your Terzo!)

    Assertagirl August 1, 2008 at 12:55 am

    Happy Birthday, HBF! In addition to being awesome just for being you, you are also awesome because:

    a) You agreed to move to this little town, thereby securing more than one blogger’s residence here.
    b) You procured central air conditioning for HBM and kids (and self) in the midst of the first heat wave of the season.
    c) You wield a chain saw with near expert precision.
    d) You trust me to hang out with your equally awesome kiddos, occasionally even without your or HBM’s presence.
    e) You answered the door (before procuring said air conditioning) in nothing but a pair of jeans once.

    Happy Birthday!

    Your friend and neighbour,


    Anonymous August 1, 2008 at 1:34 am

    There was a young man from Leeds
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds
    The seat of his ass
    was all covered in grass
    and his balls were a jungle of weeds!

    Get your GP to draw that!

    Hope you can tolerate a little rudery on your birthday.

    Fear and Parenting August 1, 2008 at 2:43 am

    Hmmm, he sounds strangely like my Homer. Are you sure he’s not going double duty? Put him in a belly dancer outfit and see if he looks like this.


    Call me if he does. We’ll get Lorena Bobbit on his ass in no time.

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2008 at 7:04 am

    Ha, Amy – at first glance I thought your comment read ‘answered the door in no jeans’ and I thought, wow, I really do NOT know my husband. Then I saw, ‘nothing BUT’ and thought, yeah, he didn’t do laundry again. That would be him.

    Jennifer August 1, 2008 at 9:24 am

    What a hottie! Happy birthday HBF!

    the new girl August 1, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Here’s a happy belated birthday, HBF. I’m sorry that I’m late.

    Here’s a link that still makes me laugh.


    And also, how about a dirty limerick?

    *hem hem*

    There once was a couple named Kelly
    Who had to live belly to belly.
    Because in their haste
    They used library paste,
    Instead of petroleum jelly.

    Happy Belated!

    lavandula August 1, 2008 at 11:12 am

    happy birthday HBF.now thats showing daddy some love digging out his boogers with her sweet little fingers.hahaha!lets see espresso tips.use one of those italian screw the top and bottom pot together pots.bottled or filtered water and perk at low setting on burner.perfecto cuppo of espresso.and umm a friend of mine send me a link w of pics of vegies and fruit that look like body parts.think HBF would be interested?

    Jenifer August 1, 2008 at 11:29 am

    Happy Birthday. Moody wives are an urban myth!

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton August 1, 2008 at 11:41 am

    HBF Happy Birthday!

    Best cure for a moody wife is a well placed slap on the ass, ask for that cold on that’s been on hold in the back of the fridge and pop in some of that smooth-loving German bootleg porn you’ve been saving for a rainy day.

    She’ll love it.

    Vicki August 1, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    LMAO. That last one was a doozy.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HBF!! *sorry I’m late but that’s the way the cookie crumbles…

    I hope you had a good one. And everyone’s right, you are pretty easy on the eyes.

    HBM, I hope you have him some extra lovin in some other ways besides sex because I saw the post about the Frankenvulva and I wouldn’t let him near it with an icepack…forget with anything else. Eat more chocolate!

    Anonymous August 1, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    Circa 1970′s Weight Watchers Recipe Cards:


    You will never be the same – laughed so hard I cried real tears, seriously.

    Happy Birthday Bad Dad.

    Anonymous August 1, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    From the sounds of life around your house, you should win husband of the year award!!!

    Happy Birthday!

    Jenine August 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    Adult humor – How do you a make a hormone?

    Don’t pay her.

    Kiddie humor – When driving down a country road on vacation, we passed a bunch of cows. My daughter saw a brown one. And she asked, “Is that where chocolate milk comes from?”

    Stuff to look forward to. :)

    Happy Birthday, HBF!

    ScientistMother August 1, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    didn’t get to the internets yesterday so happy belated birthday HBF, hope you had a great day. Not sure if you’re into geeky science things but this funny http://www.eppendorf.com/int/hawkpopup.php?contentid=13

    Margaret McInnes August 1, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    Sounds like my husband! He loves the web site college humor so if you haven’t already seen it I’m sure you can find something to watch that will entertain.
    Happy birthday!

    feefifoto August 1, 2008 at 6:33 pm
    Rachael August 1, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    Happy Birthday HBF! My advice is that surprise DQ Blizzards can never be wrong.

    Mrs. Schmitty August 1, 2008 at 10:55 pm

    Happy Birthday to your hubby!

    Deb August 2, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Happy birthday to your husband.

    Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ….what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good) …A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    Kyla August 2, 2008 at 11:32 am

    Happy birthday, HBF!

    kittenpie August 2, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Happy birthday, HBF!

    For moody wives, chocolate and some time alone are great healers.

    for your amusement, knowing your love of all things Sesame Street, I offer a couple of youtube vids of recent musicalhighlights I enjoyed…

    Who knew Doogie could sing?

    And, well, I guess we KNEW Feist could count…

    And who doesn’t love a good meerkat pic? After all, Meerkats rock.

    Hope you like your cake!

    Jenn August 2, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    Happy Birthday HBF (I know it’s a little late but hopefully you’re still celebrating!)

    My tip for dealing with a moody wife…

    Apologize and stop acting like an ass. Oh and chocolate!

    Seriously, though…a b-day present for you.


    You’ve probably seen it already, but it makes me laugh every time!

    Suburban Gorgon August 2, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    That picture tells the whole story. He’s a keeper. Happy birthday, HBF!

    Kaza August 2, 2008 at 7:27 pm

    Happy birthday! Great photo. I can’t think of any good dirty jokes, so I’ll go for the moody wife advice. Given the new baby situation, it’s all about giving her two things: sleep and time (either alone or out with girlfriends).

    roz August 2, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    I only have groaners:

    Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was a salted.

    Two guys walked into a bar. You’d think the second one would have ducked.

    Also, if you’re feeling holy, check out http://www.jesusoftheweek.com (complete with ‘select a jesus’ drop down list) or if you’re looking for a new ‘do, check out http://www.mulletsgalore.com.

    Anonymous August 2, 2008 at 9:39 pm
    Mrs. Mogul August 3, 2008 at 9:42 am

    He and my husband should get together. He likes to watch really dumb things on the internet and really really bad jokes.

    happy belated

    Homemom3 August 3, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Happy Belated Birthday to the hubby. Mine has asked me a time or two why I don’t mention him much but always chat about the kids and household products. lol.

    Ree August 3, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    Hey, Her Bad Father. Sorry I’m a day late and a dollar short, but Happy Birthday!!!

    Teena in Toronto August 3, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    Happy birthday! Mine was last Saturday.

    Now gimme some cake!

    Issas Crazy World August 5, 2008 at 1:48 am

    I know you turned off comments and probably for good reason, but HBM I heart your baby. He’s just beautiful and I just wanted to tell you that.

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