Dress Your Soul In Sparkles And Tutus

December 17, 2010

If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if your very essence were distilled and bottled in a crystal decanter and then sniffed enthusiastically by a Celestial Soul Portrait artist who, becoming high on the fumes of your celestial essence, proceeded to Photoshop the shit out of a picture of you, well, wonder no more… (UPDATED to include excerpts from Celestial Soul Questionnaire.)

You can achieve the same effect by dropping acid and flipping through old photo albums, but that’s just not nearly as lasting, you know?


It’s been a bit a rough week for us. There are complications with Tanner that are difficult and upsetting and it’s really just not the right time of year for that. Not that there’s ever a right time of year for that – there’s no Season Of Anxiety And Sadness on the Gregorian calendar, as I understand it – but this time of year, when everything is supposed to be about comfort and joy, is a particularly difficult time of year for coping with that kind of thing. Which is all the more reason for busting out the mescaline fairy images: Santa is jolly and all, but he doesn’t have the kind of demented silliness that is necessary for taping together busted spirits. You need a dork in a tutu – and a unicorn, and a rainbow, and high-heeled Chucks, and maybe some Dora Band-Aids – for that.

Because, I mean, seriously: look at that picture up there and tell me that it doesn’t make you forget, just for a moment, that you’re supposed to believe that there’s no such thing as unicorns, or that psychotropic drugs aren’t a legitimate means of accessing the Doors of Perception. You can’t, can you? You forgot what I was even talking about a minute ago, didn’t you? SEE?



You can get your own Celestial Soul Portrait. Talk to Erial; he’ll hook you up. He and I became friends through this whole process, because, seriously, how can you not become friends with someone who sees the world through laser-colored glasses? We need more of looking of the world through laser-colored glasses, because, honestly, a laser-and-glitter empty world sometimes feels just a little too harsh.


Interested in getting to know your own bedazzled soul? You need to ask yourself questions like the ones below. Note that if you want the complete soul-picture, you also need to have a Soul Expert like Erial put the pieces of the puzzle together (and provide you with the full questionnaire) – to the untrained soul-eye, answers to questions like these just look like responses to a Proust Questionnaire, if Proust were a Dungeons and Dragons fanatic and spoke Elvish – and interpret them visually. But you can still get a sense of your inner soulscape – and also get a pretty good idea of whether that soulscape includes unicorns and rainbows and flying daisy-saucers – by reflecting on the following… (my answers are included; ignore or consider for the purposes of better understanding the epic image above.)

1 – Do you have a spiritual practice or a way that you access a higher consciousness?

I was raised Catholic, and still consider consider myself culturally Catholic, although my pursuit of spirituality in practice tends to vary between sincerely reflective and entirely irreverent. Which is to say, I love the Virgin Mary, and a few of the saints, but also Plato, and Yoda, and Gandalf, and whoever it was who invented cupcakes.

2 – What colors are you drawn to? Types of environments?

I’m a rainbow connection kind of girl. If it’s a color that splashes across the sky after rain, I’m all for it.

Types of environments? Fantastical ones. And libraries. But those are kind of the same thing, I think.

(See also: castles, Hogwarts.)

3 – Do you believe in or have you had significant experiences with extra-terrestrials, angels, or other similar beings?

I believe in unicorns. Pixies, too, although I imagine that they’re troublemakers. Oh, and, Jabberwockies, and the Mad Hatter, and basically every other creature in Alice’s Wonderland. Regarding angels: I think that they’re scary, based on what I understand of them from the Old Testament. Mary (Jesus’s mom), on the other hand, is awesome.

4 – Is there a discipline like art or music that you do on a regular basis? What are your passions and fascinations?

Storytelling, music, cupcakes, ninjas, unicorns. My degrees are in political philosophy, but it sounds super stuck-up to call one’s self a philosopher, and if Socrates refused to call himself one, I can’t very well go around doing so, can I? In any case, I think that I spend more time these days reflecting upon the unbearable lightness of unicorn emissions than I do the meaning of life, so.

5 – Are there any historical or mythological figures you identify with?

Hypatia. Tomyris. Cornificia. Tinkerbell.

6 – Do you have a spiritual mission or soul’s purpose in this life to accomplish?

I’ve not yet discovered it, nor do I expect to, but I believe that I am nonetheless living it. Carpe diem!

7 – If you were at King Arthur’s Round Table, which character or archetype would you (per considering the following: King, Queen, Prince, Princess, Wizard, Adviser, Knight/Warrior, Maid in Waiting, etc…)

House Elf. But I don’t think that King Arthur had House Elves, so: Court Jester. Or, maybe, Advisor, but only if I were the Machiavellian kind of advisor, the kind that punked Medicis for kicks.

8 – I’m looking for your unique essence, what makes you you.

So am I, sir. So am I.

Your turn. Share some of your answers (if you do it on your blog, please leave the link here so that we can share, because soul questionnaires are way less fun if you don’t share them) and a flying unicorn will get its wings.

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    Avitable December 17, 2010 at 11:23 am

    I’ve been refreshing your site waiting for this to be posted!

    It is as awesome as I had hoped it would be. I’m working with him to have my own done as we speak, and I plan on hanging it in my guest bathroom when it’s done.

    .-= Avitable´s last blog ..I need a vacation! =-.

    Desiree December 17, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Considering all the magic you have worked this year (for Tanner and others), this is really not to far-fetched! Lovely!

    jonniker December 17, 2010 at 11:30 am

    I’m embarrassed to say this, but I think I might cry. I love this! Are those … high-heeled Chucks he gave you?

    Also? “… or that psychotropic drugs aren’t a legitimate means of accessing the Doors of Perception.” FABULOUS.

    You were the right person to do this. I knew it. I knew you would be perfectly kind. I knew it.

    Her Bad Mother December 18, 2010 at 10:53 am

    I couldn’t not be kind. Erial is fabulousness, with lasers.

    And yes: those are high-heeled Chucks.

    Angella December 17, 2010 at 11:31 am

    This, here, is PURE MAGIC.

    I think he captured your essence, Catherine. :)
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..‘Tis The Season =-.

    alimartell December 17, 2010 at 11:51 am

    I don’t even know what to say.
    This just might be THE VERY BEST THING TO EVER BE EVER.
    .-= alimartell´s last blog ..That Time We Got All Dressed Up and Looked a Little Like We Belonged in a Gangster Heist… =-.

    Sara Hamil December 17, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Why, yes. Yes I DO want to do this.

    Just… omg, so much YES

    Kristina December 17, 2010 at 11:55 am
    Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves December 17, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    So purty.

    I’ve been itching to figure out what my inner celestial soul looks like. Hit us up with the Deep Questions.
    .-= Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last blog ..So There Was a Fire… =-.

    Chrissy December 17, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    You look like a Lisa Frank folder I had in the 5th grade and I seriously mean that in the warmest, best way possible.

    metalia December 17, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    This? IS PERFECT.
    .-= metalia´s last blog ..The words free and amazing are together way too rarely for my tastes =-.

    Miguelina December 17, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Honestly — I think he did a great job. And he’s got me thinking. What’s the significance of the high-heeled chucks? And your She-Ra belt with a bigass pearl? And what are those flying flower saucer things? In other words, this is deeper than expected.

    And yes, I want to do the questionnaire.

    Her Bad Mother December 18, 2010 at 10:49 am

    He said that he read a significant amount of sensuality in me. Which I guess means that my soul wears high-heeled Chucks.

    Carmen December 17, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Wow, I’ve been waiting for your Portrait and it does not disappoint. I am wondering, however, what those strange, paisley thingies are (they remind me of something but I can’t think what. Something from Buffy, maybe?). I think we’ll have to see the questionnaire in order to figure out what they are. But mostly, I think I need a pair of those shoes! :)

    Her Bad Mother December 18, 2010 at 10:38 am

    I think they’re flying daisy saucers. I think. Alternate guesses welcome.

    Alli Worthington December 17, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    perfection (even sans jackalope)

    Her Bad Mother December 18, 2010 at 10:37 am

    A jackalope would so complete the picture. And then some.

    Sarah Kate December 17, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Yep. I loves ya. Enamoured of an ass no more ;) . I’ll add that little fighter to my wishlist.

    Happy Holidays Faerie Cafrin xxx

    Her Bad Mother December 18, 2010 at 10:36 am

    ‘Faerie Cafrin.’ LOVE.

    Sarah Kate December 19, 2010 at 4:03 am

    Suits ya!

    Sarah Kate December 17, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Oh and yes. Essential aroma finding questionairre, yes!

    JustMom420zaks December 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    OMG, I totally want to do this!
    .-= JustMom420zaks´s last blog ..Eff With This Recipe Friday =-.

    Loralee December 17, 2010 at 5:55 pm


    I totally want my essence vibed. Bring it. :)
    .-= Loralee´s last blog ..The talk with my boys on cell phone and online safety =-.

    Pgoodness December 17, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    OH my AWESOME!!!

    Yes to the questions!!!!

    Her Bad Mother December 18, 2010 at 10:35 am

    will post later ;)

    Lisa December 18, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    My hand up for the questions!

    Micaela December 19, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    This completely makes my day. thank you!

    Mom101 December 19, 2010 at 9:58 pm


    .-= Mom101´s last blog ..The end of pas de chats =-.

    Major Bedhead December 19, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    Wow. That is all kinds of sparkly. I didn’t really think I’d like to see anyone I actually knew (well, know via pictures on teh interwebs) done in one of these but it’s pretty freakin’ cool. Those little UFO/daisy things look like mitochondria to me. Which is weird. So I’ll just think of them as daisies.

    I want to know what questions he asked. I bet they were fascinating.

    Angelina December 20, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Thanks for the info ! I enjoyed your post !

    Rita December 21, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    O/T – In the last week or so, your page is waging a war against Internet Explorer. Every time I try to open it, it fails. Decided to try Mozilla and it let me read your post.

    Not sure what changed, but thought you might want to know.
    .-= Rita´s last blog ..While We Are Sleeping =-.

    habanerogal December 23, 2010 at 8:35 am

    I am so shocked that someone else in the world has a Hypatia fascination, although mine is brought on by my adoration of Mr Carl Sagan. I was even planning to use that name “if I ever had a girl”. I did have the daughter but by the time she came along my ideas were different.
    .-= habanerogal´s last blog ..A year ago =-.

    GingerB December 27, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    My daughter just saw your picture on my screen and said “Mom, is that the Tooth Fairy?” I felt sure you’d appreciate that, and I am sad that I am so late that you might not see this comment . . . I liked the post for many other reasons but my daughter declared this a favorite of the things she’s seen me reading when I surf. My best wishes to you and your family for the holiday season and beyond. I really enjoy reading your blog, and for your sake, I wish you fewer difficult life experiences which make your heart hurt. The downs that go with the ups of your life may make good blog fodder for us to read but for you and yours I hope for a dull 2011. There is a funny picture on my blog if you need a laugh today. I hope it helps you – it did good things for me. Best, Virginia
    .-= GingerB´s last blog ..Happy Christmas to you- and may your days be merry and include debris removal shoes =-.

    Richard Woodard December 31, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    No kidding! I was planning on writing something very similar at my site, but instead, I’ll probably just link back to you.

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