News Flash: ‘Scrotum’ is a dirty word. You know, like dick, or weiner, or purple-headed trouser snake (which is, I know, four words, but still.)

You do not want your children to ever hear the word scrotum. Or read it. It will scar them, or, at the very least, prevent them from ever being able to appreciate Quality Literature, in which, I am told, no references to male genitalia ever appear.

(Ah, but wouldst thou have considered Shakespeare, who hath prick’d out many a character for our pleasure? For whom love might be no more than open-arse and poperin pear? Fie! Naughty Shakespeare!)

This may not be news to you. You, gentle reader, may already be well aware of the pernicious effects of the word ‘scrotum’ – even when used to very briefly describe the relevant part of the anatomy of male mammals – and so will have thrown your lot in with the good people who are calling for a ban in school libraries of this years’ winner of the Newbery Medal for distinguished contribution to children’s literature, >The Higher Power of Lucky.

If, however, you were not so aware – which is to say, if you are one of the ignorant masses who cling to the regressive and pernicious belief that the works of Shakespeare – or, for that matter, Aristophanes or Plautus or Machiavelli or (gods help us) Judy Blume – are more than common smut, you can consider yourselves hereby enlightened.

You’re welcome.