`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
You know that it’s going to be a long day when your four year old gets out of bed with giant wads of purple bubble gum stuck in her hair.
“How did you get gum in your hair? Did you get out of bed last night and get some gum?”
“No. The Gum Fairy put it there.”
“You know that gum isn’t for chewing at bedtime.”
“The Gum Fairy doesn’t know that. She thinks gum is for anytime.”
She went on to explain that this is a longstanding disagreement between the Gum Fairy and the Tooth Fairy, who does not approve of gum on pillows. The Easter Bunny, as might be expected, is agnostic on this issue, as it does not involve chocolate. (The Easter Bunny, we also learned during this discussion, is part kangaroo. “That’s how he can stand up on two legs and carry his basket. Regular bunnies can’t do that.”) One learns much when one asks the question: how did you get gum in your hair?
Beware the Jabbergum, young one!/ The jaws that stick, the claws that are gummy!/ Beware the Gum-Gum Fairy, and shun/The frumious Kangabunny
We were still left with a problem: how to remove gum from a recalcitrant four year old’s hair. I had heard (after consulting Twitter) that peanut butter might work. The girl, however, was not supportive of the idea of having peanut butter smeared in her hair.
“I don’t want you to put peanut butter in my hair. Food doesn’t go in hair.”
“Gum is a kind of food, and it’s in your hair.”
“Gum is CANDY.”
“Is candy not food?”
“You always tell me it’s not food.”
Touche.
“It’s peanut butter or I cut it off.”
“I don’t want you to make my head into a sammich.”
“IT’S PEANUT BUTTER OR I CUT IT OFF.”
“NO SAMMICH.”
Out came the scissors.
One, two! One, two! And through and through/ The vorpal scissors went snicker-snack!/ The gum was shed, far from her head/ And she didn’t smell like a snack
“Mommy. I don’t look like myself now.”
“You look fine.”
“But not like MYSELF.”
“You’ll have to take that up with the Gum Fairy.”
‘And, has thou slain the Jabbergum?/ Come to my arms, my beamish girl!/ O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’/ And she tossed away the curls.
“I want you to put it back on.”
“Your hair?”
“Yes. PUT IT BACK.”
“And how, exactly, do you suggest I do that?”
“With tape.”
“I’m not taping your hair back on, sweetie. It won’t work.”
“Then I’ll do it MYSELF.”
“Oh you will, will you?
“WITH GUM.”
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
**Tips for a) getting gum out of hair, b) getting gum-removers into hair without a fight, and b) keeping gum out of the hair in the first place welcome and encouraged. Alternate verses to Jabbergum will also be received with thanks.**
**Oh, and? Bad mom-administered haircut stories also welcome. Am feeling a little sheepish that I HACKED MY DAUGHTER’S HAIR OFF. Moms go to mom-hell for lesser transgressions, don’t they?**