Beware The Jabbergum
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
You know that it’s going to be a long day when your four year old gets out of bed with giant wads of purple bubble gum stuck in her hair.
“How did you get gum in your hair? Did you get out of bed last night and get some gum?”
“No. The Gum Fairy put it there.”
“You know that gum isn’t for chewing at bedtime.”
“The Gum Fairy doesn’t know that. She thinks gum is for anytime.”
She went on to explain that this is a longstanding disagreement between the Gum Fairy and the Tooth Fairy, who does not approve of gum on pillows. The Easter Bunny, as might be expected, is agnostic on this issue, as it does not involve chocolate. (The Easter Bunny, we also learned during this discussion, is part kangaroo. “That’s how he can stand up on two legs and carry his basket. Regular bunnies can’t do that.”) One learns much when one asks the question: how did you get gum in your hair?
Beware the Jabbergum, young one!/ The jaws that stick, the claws that are gummy!/ Beware the Gum-Gum Fairy, and shun/The frumious Kangabunny
We were still left with a problem: how to remove gum from a recalcitrant four year old’s hair. I had heard (after consulting Twitter) that peanut butter might work. The girl, however, was not supportive of the idea of having peanut butter smeared in her hair.
“I don’t want you to put peanut butter in my hair. Food doesn’t go in hair.”
“Gum is a kind of food, and it’s in your hair.”
“Gum is CANDY.”
“Is candy not food?”
“You always tell me it’s not food.”
Touche.
“It’s peanut butter or I cut it off.”
“I don’t want you to make my head into a sammich.”
“IT’S PEANUT BUTTER OR I CUT IT OFF.”
“NO SAMMICH.”
Out came the scissors.
One, two! One, two! And through and through/ The vorpal scissors went snicker-snack!/ The gum was shed, far from her head/ And she didn’t smell like a snack
“Mommy. I don’t look like myself now.”
“You look fine.”
“But not like MYSELF.”
“You’ll have to take that up with the Gum Fairy.”
‘And, has thou slain the Jabbergum?/ Come to my arms, my beamish girl!/ O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’/ And she tossed away the curls.
“I want you to put it back on.”
“Your hair?”
“Yes. PUT IT BACK.”
“And how, exactly, do you suggest I do that?”
“With tape.”
“I’m not taping your hair back on, sweetie. It won’t work.”
“Then I’ll do it MYSELF.”
“Oh you will, will you?
“WITH GUM.”
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
**Tips for a) getting gum out of hair, b) getting gum-removers into hair without a fight, and b) keeping gum out of the hair in the first place welcome and encouraged. Alternate verses to Jabbergum will also be received with thanks.**
**Oh, and? Bad mom-administered haircut stories also welcome. Am feeling a little sheepish that I HACKED MY DAUGHTER’S HAIR OFF. Moms go to mom-hell for lesser transgressions, don’t they?**
Posted by Her Bad Mother on March 23, 2010
Filed under: Uncategorized, emilia
Tags: alice through the looking glass, easter bunny, gum, jabberwocky, tooth fairy
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."What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." (Nietzsche, Aphorism 153, Beyond Good And Evil.) Not, unfortunately, beyond Dora dolls that shout 'WE DID IT!' when you step on them, but you learn to cope with that.
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© 2010 • Her Bad Mother • All Rights Reserved
Mar 23, 2010
It could have been worse, just wait until the day (someday soon) when she cuts her hair herself. Every kids does it… My son (who soon turns 13) scalped his bangs in an attempt to look like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 3 (which he was allowed to watch at 4 at a baby sitter’s house, WHICH is an entirely different rant! Needless to say she did not remain my babysitter for long).
Or the 3 year old whose hair ended up about about 1 inch long because her older brother who was in our kindergarten class decided to play hairdresser (one of the things we do in our special needs autism kindergarten class is have our teacher get her haircut in class as many many kiddos are afraid to get their haircut. In this case it backfired.)
Beautifully written!
Erin´s last blog ..Uh-oh there’s proof
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Oh, she’s already tried that. Cut a chunk off the back. Luckily for her, it wasn’t a big chunk and didn’t require dramatic restyling.
I see more of this in her future, though. And I am afraid.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Also, that idea of having a teacher get a haircut in front of the class is awesome. And alarming. But mostly awesome. Jasper is afraid of the hair salon, and will only submit if he watches Emilia get hers cut first.
Erin Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 3:23 pm
It worked out well as one of our classroom aides was a hairdresser in a former life, I mean career. She would let the kids spray the teacher’s hair and comb it. It became a yearly event. The best was when we had a male aide who let her use the clippers and buzz his head so boys wouldn’t be afraid of clippers.
Also, my son wouldn’t let anyone but Grandma (who was NOT a hairdresser) cut his hair until he was four. He would cry until he threw up. Good times.
Erin´s last blog ..Uh-oh there’s proof
Mar 23, 2010
oh yes. in my baby book there is a hank of blonde hair, connected by a black hardened blob that was, at one time, gum (or food). It’s not sticky any more, nor does it any longer smell like snack.
Catherine Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 4:12 pm
It’s always best when the thing that was stuck in the hair is unidentifiable.
Mar 23, 2010
I got gum stick in my hair as a kid and my mom cut my hair off – although your hair cut job looks much more adorable than the one my mom did on me. Needless to say I had 2 inch bangs for about a month….not cute!
Amanda´s last blog ..Food insanity
Catherine Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 4:12 pm
You haven’t seen the close-up view. I’ll admit, it’s not bad, but still. A bit choppy at the back
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
Her hair still looks adorable, so I would cease worrying about hacking off hair. I would not have even attempted the peanut butter solution – I would have gone straight to the scissors.
a´s last blog ..An open letter to Kodak
Mar 23, 2010
Aw, she looks lovely (like a mini-Catherine) with the new haircut. I’m sure she looked adorable before, too. Mine would never have tolerated the peanut butter, either, and I fear how his would have turned out if I’d been let loose with the scissors. The nanny regularly “fixes” the trims I give our youngest.
Pamela´s last blog ..NYC “in Miniature”.. sort of
Mar 23, 2010
Coming from someone who was on the receiving end of MANY bad mom haircuts, you did an awesome job! I think she looks adorable with a bob. In case there is a next time, see if she would let you try Goo Gone. It smells like oranges, and you can tell her it’s a special Gum Fairy repelling hairspray. (It’s oily, so be careful of clothing when you use it.)
Didn’t you get a wig for Jasper a while back? Hmmm…
Jen_Ann_W´s last blog ..Maybe scotch has less calories?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 6:43 pm
We never did get that wig. Hmmm indeed.
Mar 23, 2010
For next time, that “Goo Gone” stuff will get it out, but I’m not sure you’d want to use it on a 4 year old. (on the other hand, it can’t be as bad as the stuff you have to use for head-lice, so….) I’ve used it on my hair when I got a hugh blob of blue gum stuck in it in some mysterious way. That was about 6 years ago and to this day nobody will admit that it was them chewing blue gum and then leaving it stuck to the stair bannister where Mom leans while putting on her shoes. (It was right near my scalp and it would have meant cutting off about a foot of hair to get it out. I think I probably would have used motor oil if I’d had too!)
Mar 23, 2010
What a creative little problem-solver she is! (Alcohol works to get gum out of hair, also. DW-40, too, but probably best not to spray that on the heads of small children…)
Catherine Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Alcohol? Like, vodka? CONVENIENT.
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
She looks adorable with a bob. Also: it’s just hair. It’ll grow back. So, no Mom Hell for you.
I once ended up with gum in my own hair (I was in my 20’s, baby-sitting a couple of rowdy toddlers, and I blew raspberries on their tummies to make them laugh. One of the times that I blew a raspberry, I sat up & realized my gum was no longer in my mouth. Whoops). I used peanut butter to get it out. It makes the gum go all brittle so it just sort of breaks off the hair. Ta-da! Done. Maybe next time (if there is a next time), tell her it’s not peanut butter, it’s some magic cream the Gum Fairy left behind in case these types of accidents happen?
Catherine Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 4:48 pm
It breaks off the gum, or the hair, or both?
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
Oh, my, I’m so sorry I’m laughing so hard. Emilia reminds me so much of both of my daughters, though I suspect this particular conversation is one I would end up having with my younger.
I refuse to touch my daughters’ hair with scissors, only because I envision a bloody mess. (No, literally, blood.) We have a loverly family friend and hair stylist who cuts the girls’ hairs for me. My MIL has recently started taking Flora (my older) to her stylist, which is just fine with me. Kate continues to get a bob (right around the ears); I have no compunction about my younger daughter having short hair. It suits her to a T.
Neither of my girls has cut her own hair yet (knock wood), but Flora did cut a chunk off of Kate’s once.
Emilia looks beautiful. And as she has cleverly invented the “Gum Fairy” she clearly has more to fall back on than her looks.
red pen mama´s last blog ..Push
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 8:11 pm
I would never have dared try to do this myself, but it was Sunday and no salons were open and things were DESPERATE. Thankfully, the only person was afraid was me. Rightfully so.
Mar 23, 2010
I think my favorite part is that she didn’t want you to turn her head into a “sammich”. I nearly snorted Dr. Pepper through my nose while reading that interaction. I think Emilia’s hair looks cute, and while she can’t reattach it with gum, if she concentrates really, really hard maybe she can get it to grow faster
Sara´s last blog ..Mini “Monk”
Catherine Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 5:01 pm
She’s working on that.
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
I just wanted to say that the haircut turned out pretty good, I’m impressed!
Mar 23, 2010
I am filing this away in my brain in a filing cabinet marked “jabbergum”!. Secondary filing: “sammich” and “goo gone”! I’m sure I will have need of this when my little one discovers gum.
The haircut is awesome. When I do bangs they come out all crooked and chewed-looking. That haircut looks great on her. Nice job!
Mar 23, 2010
The brilliance to come up with a “Gum Fairy” far exceeds any type of punishment. I suggest taping the hair back on as soon as possible.
And “sammich” p-lease? Love.
Catherine Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:52 am
If I can find some electrician’s tape – the thick, silvery kind – I’ll get right on that.
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
At least she didn’t try to cut it out herself before you saw it. I wish I could post the pictures from that. Sheesh. Four year olds. Aren’t they entertaining?
Issa´s last blog ..A month is long enough, right?
Mar 23, 2010
I would have done the exact same thing. Gum in hair sucks. I heard you could use ice to freeze it then break it out but have never had the chance to back that up. I feel lucky to have boys. Should they have a hair mishap I’ll just shave it all off and start over. Cute convo between you and the little.
Sabreena´s last blog ..2 Cent Tuesdays: Teen Cribs
Jennifer Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Ice takes FOREVER…I got that treatment used on me and then Mom went with peanut butter. Seems like by the end there was a lot of stuff in there and the scissors came out anyway.
Catherine Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:48 am
I kind of suspected as much. And like I was going to sit there with ice in my hands, trying to freeze gum.
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
I TOTALLY win with the bad Mom air cuts. My oldest boy refused, REFUSED!, to go the stylist. He was two and a half. He did agree to let me use the clippers. He sat still, oh, so still, and I ran the clippers over his beautiful blonde locks. It was all going perfectly, until the second last strip. On the top of his head. The clippers kind of died and jerked in my hand all at the same time, and it buzzed it down to the scalp. I went back, to shorten the rest of his hair. To kinda match it all, you know? Annnnd, he ended up with an entire head of patchy, baldish, hair. It was terrible. (Thank goodness it was summer, and he was great about wearing hats.) The poor boy ran to look in the mirror, excited to see his new cut. (The look on my face was kind of scaring him, I think.) He cried for hours. He was devastated. He’s still very vain about his hair, prefers it long, and never, ever refuses to go to a professional for a cut, ever.
Joy Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 2:04 pm
ummm, Hair cuts, not air cuts. *rolls eyes*
Catherine Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:47 am
Air cuts would be awesome, though. Like air guitar, but with scissors.
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Joy Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 8:37 am
Heh. They would be awesome! And no hair was harmed in this “air-styling” escapade…
Mar 23, 2010
My brother spit gum in my hair once (jerk). I REFUSED to let him use peanut butter and a chase began. I grabbed some scissors, he knocked them out of my hands, I went to grab then again, he kicked them away…AND I ended up almost losing the tip of my finger. Still have the scar.
Eventually he won with the peanut butter and the gum came out. I think this is the reason that TO THIS DAY I loathe the smell of peanut butter (unless it is surrounded by chocolate
Carrie´s last blog ..Preschoolers, Playdates, & Piggies
Mar 23, 2010
My mom had to do that to me at least twice. Probably more. I blocked out the trauma. Nah, just kidding. She’ll get over it. At least the gum wasn’t tangled high up in her hair.
The Child´s last blog ..Trying To Fit In
Mar 23, 2010
Very funny post! Getting gum in the hair is a rite of passage for a kid and Mum!
I got gum in my hair as a kid -My grade 3 teacher read us Charlie and the “Chocolate Factory” and Violet Beauregarde used to put it behind her ear when she slept. Needless to say, I tried it (and so did half of my grade 3 class) -Ronald Dahl or my grade 3 teacher should have placed a warning to parents and kids not to try it at home.
For the life of me I can’t remember what my mother did to get it out. I know it wasn’t peanut butter as I have a nut allergy….
Jennifer Martin Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 3:24 pm
PS: Love the new do!
Mar 23, 2010
I vote you go a little shorter and get her an adorable bob. I tagged you in a photo on Facebook so you can see my daughter’s before and after – the before looks much like your daughter’s new do. Your little one has such a sweet face too – the bob shows it off (and is insanely easy to do – because you don’t have to do anything to it!)
Catherine Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:49 am
It’s actually pretty short – the photos don’t do it justice, but it’s actually even shorter at the back, and angled forward.
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 23, 2010
It’s ok, my mom gave me a mullet when I was about her age. The haircut you gave is MUCH better.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Love/Hate
Mar 23, 2010
It’s an adorable haircut!
My older girl once sat idly in class at school and ran a comb through her bangs almost to the tips, then rolled it up to her scalp. We had to almost shave the front of her hair to get the comb out. Luckily Mr. DeMille was not waiting for the close-up and after about 4-5 months she looked normal again.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
DUDE. *I* totally did that when I was kid! I’d forgotten about it! WHOA.
Mar 23, 2010
Well she looks adorable and you really had no choice… My mom used to cut my hair, and I was so afraid that she was going to poke me with the scissors that I would hold my breath, which of course caused me to pass out. I was not the brightest child.
Erin´s last blog ..Poised for action
Mar 23, 2010
I think the haircut really suits her!
I used to cut my boys’ hair… poor things… now they go to the barbershop.
ewe_are_here´s last blog ..Nine Months
Mar 23, 2010
LOL. Best post I’ve read all day.
Does peanut butter really work? You have to try it next time. You do realise there’s gonna be a next time right?
Steve´s last blog ..Saturday Snap
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 8:12 pm
According to Twitter, peanut butter works. One commenter above said that it hardens and breaks off? Which sounds dodgy to me, but whatever. The girl wouldn’t let sandwich spread near her head under any circumstances.
Mar 23, 2010
Oh. So THAT’s how it works. Can my four year old call your four year old about the Bunny Wabbit Kangaroo thing? Because he’s not so much satisfied with either my bright “it’s Magic!” nor my evasive “well, I dunno, I mean, I’ve never seen’him.”
You aren’t really worried about Mom hell now, right? Because we’re going to do far worse to our children than un-planned cuts before it’s all said and done. And I’m with Minnie: this girl deserves GUM for her ingenious defense. You might need that vodka for yourself!
Tammy´s last blog ..p.m.
Mar 23, 2010
There’s a product called “Orange TKO” that’s made from the oil of orange peels – it works like a hot damn to get just about any goop off just about anything. I think it would likely be safe for a little chicklet’s hair, and then she’d smell like an orange popsicle.
And the haircut’s pretty cute, btw.
Mar 23, 2010
At least you did a good job of cutting her hair. It looks straight & cute.
Mar 23, 2010
I must say her hair is absolutely adorable {for what it is worth I used to make a living cutting hair} and you can cut mine any day of the week! Ahhh the dreaded bubble gum…ice cubes also do the trick as well in case you need a back-up plan for the next time {just rub it on the gum until it is nice and cold and the hair should start to pull away}, but it sounds like she may have learned her lesson.
Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..Isn’t It Lovely!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
It doesn’t bear close scrutiny, but then again, no one looks at a four year old’s hair too closely, so I think I’m good
Mar 23, 2010
Ok, this one time? My daughter Madi Rose was 2 1/2 and her bangs were (finally) in need of trimming. It was my first time and I have depth perception issues. Took 3 runs at it. Finally just spiked what was left of them and added a brand new word to her vocabulary: When we asked her “What kind of haircut did Mommy give you?” we taught her to say, “Dorky!”
Babybloomr´s last blog ..Wednesdays with Daddy
Mar 23, 2010
My son cut my daughter’s hair. She had a sticker seed in it & instead of coming to me, he just cut it out for her. It was in the back, just below the crown of her head. A HUGE chunk. There was no cute haircut fix for it. She had a tinkerbell hackjob, looklikeaboy haircut for the longest time. Those were the days…
Mar 23, 2010
I LOVE her explanation of how it got there (and then the expansion into the debate and bringing the Easter Bunny into it).
My brain used to, and still does in a way, work a bit like that so it just makes me smile ear to ear
And her hair looks very cute
Mar 23, 2010
That was one of the best uses of the Jabberwocky I’ve ever seen. Also of purple bubblegum.
Mar 23, 2010
I’m sorry you did not get to try the gum suggestion. The haircut does not look that bad. When I was a kid, my mom put masking tape across my bangs and cut over the tape to keep the line straight.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..When Hubman’s Away….
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
So does that tape trick work? My husband suggested it for the back of her hair, and I balked.
Mar 23, 2010
she definitly has an imagination! you HAVE to give that to her. She looks adorable.
Mar 24, 2010
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by herbadmother: Will she ever forgive me? And, is the Easter Bunny really a kangaroo? http://bit.ly/8XvPP3…
Mar 24, 2010
My seven year old once stuck gum behind her ear because she saw a cartoon character do it to save it for later. That was fun.
Her new haircut is adorable! You did good!
Jayme´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
Mar 24, 2010
At least it wasn’t stuck up in the top near her part. She looks totally cute, and it will grow back. hopefully this will prevent further visits from the gum fairy…
Rachael´s last blog ..More soon, but for now…
Mar 24, 2010
I have a niece who is the only girl amongst a passel of boys.
She butchered her beautiful natural spiral curls one day.
Her mother walked in, gasped, and reacting to the sudden disappearance of her only daughter’s beautiful mane, exclaimed, “Oh, why would you do that? I loved your hair!”
My niece burst into tears and cried, “Oh Mommy, I thought you loved ME!”
By the way, the 2nd picture of her new haircut is lovely. If that isn’t a professional touch up job but one you did yourself, you deserve high fives and kudos!!
GreenInOC´s last blog ..I Have A Message for the GOP Faithful In Congress & The Senate…
Catherine Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:51 am
I did do it myself. Her hair is stick straight so it wasn’t terribly difficult. It’s not the most even bob ever, but the choppy bits aren’t noticeable, and so she can probably get away without a touch-up for a while
Catherine´s last blog ..Beware The Jabbergum
Mar 24, 2010
No the Easter Bunny is a deomon bunny who takes cheap toys when you pay him homage. Evil, evil bunny.
Ginger´s last blog ..Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day
Mar 24, 2010
She chose the no-peanut-butter route. Don’t worry. It will be as long as it was before you know it.
Jen´s last blog ..Change
Mar 24, 2010
Not daunted by ice, or peanut butter/ The Jabbergum thought he had one up’ed her!
But twas not for naught they call her Bad/ The scissors were quick to this mom’s hand
Her Bad Mother Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 9:44 am
AWESOME.
Mar 24, 2010
i really loved that! she is still as cute as ever with that little bob cut.
on an overseas trip i took while in highschool some evil bitch put gum in my hair while i was sleeping. i have really curly hair so i just sort of worked the gum into my look rather than chopping it off.
HOWEVER…
a few months later someone egged her car while we were in class and by the time she found out it had eaten away at the paintjob.
and that’s why i believe in karma…
steff´s last blog ..Hey! NYC?! You can SUCK. IT.
Jennifer Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
nice!
Mar 24, 2010
I can’t cut a straight line in hair to save my life. Thankfully you can! I thinks he looks adorable but I’m very sorry you had to cut her hair.
Gotta love kid logic, it’s the best!
Steph´s last blog ..My Son is Different
Mar 24, 2010
i can vouch for the peanut butter trick – it’s messy but it really does work! make sure you keep creamy peanut butter in the house though… my mom once had to use chunky on my gum/hair disaster
Mar 24, 2010
I love the Jabbergum poem! Nicely done, and now I will have Jabberwacky in my head all day.
Recently, I got all my lovely long locks cut off for Locks of Love. Then I figured, as long as it is shortish, I should get it cut short and styles.
I agree with Emilia. I don’t look like myself. I’ll also be concentrating on trying to make it grow out quickly.
caramama´s last blog ..Question of the Week – Is There a Doctor in the House?
Mar 24, 2010
Love it! I think we all have been there!
Mar 24, 2010
I have no advice, but Emilia’s insights into how the gum got there and the different perspectives on the gum issue absolutely cracked me up.
Also, she looks quite charming with her new do, and just in time for the warmer weather. I vote for embracing it.
Mar 25, 2010
My eldest daughter is now 22. She is mildly hyperactive and clumsy and always had very long thick hair and therefore had a reputation among her friends for knowing how to get anything out of hair, even in high school.
Gum — any kind of cooking oil. Peanut butter works because it is oily, and is recommended because most households which contain children also contain oil. We preferred plain old oil because it isn’t as strong smelling.
Silly putty — rubbing alcohol.
Tar (Santa Barbara beaches are notorious for tar) — any kind of cooking oil.
Random unknown substance — try soap and warm water, then try oil, then try rubbing alcohol, then try vinegar… kitchen chemistry in action.